General Question

Written's avatar

Am I turning gay? [I need opinions]?

Asked by Written (825 points ) October 10th, 2010

So. Yeah. The tittle says it all. It’s really weird actually talking about things like these on the world wide web, but hey, why not. This place looks like it has a great base of users.

Here’s the story. I’m almost 16, and honestly, I get the feeling I’m turning gay. Now, first to say, I was never attracted to the same gender. Never. I was in love with a girl from first to eight grade, I get turned on by girls (all that stuff), etc. When I’m bro-ing it out with my buddies, I’m not attracted to them, in any way. Not for one second. We tease girls, make fun of people, break things in school, and cause mischief.

For as along as I can remember, I was playing violent video games, still do, not really good at sports, but do love to play them. Things is (it gets personal right about here), I started masturbating at a young age, and, everything was fine until about half+ a year ago, when, don’t know how to describe this, I just got images of naked men in my head. At the time, I was grossed out by that, still kinda am, but, as the time went by, the images became less and less gross, and, while masturbating, I get those images more often, then before a year when I didn’t get them at all.

Nothing changed except that. Still attracted to girls, especially to this one to which I’m in love with, but, again, that thing with the images bothers me. Am I turning gay? Is it even possible since I never really expressed any homosexual… things? Never thought about it, nothing. Is it the hormones?

So. Yeah. If you can read through this ’‘novel’’ I’ve written, please write what you think. Cheers. Thanks in advance.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

51 Answers

anonynon's avatar

When you fantasize about having sex, do you think about having sex with a guy? If not, then no, you’re not gay. End of story.

Being less grossed out by naked men has nothing to do with it.

MissAnthrope's avatar

1 – You can not “turn” gay. You either are gay or you aren’t.
2 – Fantasy and what you masturbate to can be quite separate from what you really want. It’s just that, fantasy.
3 – Sexuality runs on a gradient. Maybe you have some latent bisexuality, or maybe you’re not 100% heterosexual. It doesn’t make you “gay”.
4 – I know lesbians who like to watch gay male porn, I know some that masturbate thinking about guys, etc.. but they don’t really want to pursue that, it’s just what gets them off in their heads.

JLeslie's avatar

You don’t sound gay to me.

Written's avatar

@anonynon: Eh. Hard to say. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. It mixes.

@JLeslie: I know. I don’t sound gay to myself either, that’s why it’s bothering me.

@MissAnthrope: Woah. Thanks, that’s the kind of answer I was looking for. Still, I’d like to see what other people think. Didn’t expect such fast feedback. :) Thanks.

flutherother's avatar

I doubt it. It isn’t that unusual for guys to admire other guys. But I am curious. Where do these images of men come from? Mental images have to have a source.

muppetish's avatar

Hi, @Written. Welcome to Fluther.

One does not “turn” gay. Thinking thoughts will not change your sexuality. Watching things will not turn you gay. Dressing differently will not turn you gay. It is perfectly normally to enter a stage of exploration and questioning (particularly in high school) but you should not by any means feel pressure into adopting an identity for yourself that you do not find resonates with your being.

As @MissAnthrope pointed out, fantasy is completely different from actions. Plenty of heterosexuals watch gay porn, are aroused by it, and are not homosexual nor have they (or will they) ever identity as homosexual. It’s no different when it is your imagination.

At any rate, don’t worry about labeling yourself.

I realize you probably don’t mean to sound negative by associating being straight with normalcy, but I do want to implore that dressing “normally” and acting “normally” is not a way to differentiate heterosexuality and homosexuality. There is nothing abnormal about either.

Iclamae's avatar

What @MissAnthrope said about gradients.

Until you have a relationship with a man and decide you like men more than women, I wouldn’t consider you gay. And I draw a line between fantasies and relationships when it comes to sexual orientation.
Also at the age of 15–16, it seems early to label yourself one orientation or another. With all that relatively newfound sexual energy, people are prone to curiosity and trying new things. (Though I encourage that curiosity in later years too. :) )

JLeslie's avatar

@Written what is this dress normally and act normally bullshit? I think you don’t sound gay because you are attracted to girls from what I can tell.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

First of all, it’s all normal. Second of all, you might be bisexual or queer and like people of all genders. Don’t limit yourself into boxes and don’t be scared of any of it. And don’t make conclusions based of your behavior or who your friends are – those have nothing to do with your sexuality.

anonynon's avatar

@Written Well whether you’re gay or not, realize that you are still “normal”...it’s not like the opposite of “straight” is “abnormal”.

JLeslie's avatar

It worries me that you have this idea that gay people fit into some sort of stereotype about how they act, what they are interested in, if they fight or not? That is ridiculous. Do you live in a place that thinks badly of gay people, is your family homophobic?

Written's avatar

Bad choice of words on the ’‘dressing normal’’ thing, didn’t mean it like that. :/

As for the source of the images thing, I don’t know. I did see a lot of naked relatives and people when I was a child, maybe that made a difference.

@Jeslie: I’m not saying they fit as a stereotype, or anything like that, never meant anything bad, it’s just the way I write. But the few openly gay guys I know, kinda do match into the stereotype thing, to be honest, again, no bad intentions. My family isn’t homophobic, nor am I. But I can’t really say that the country I live supports it. Not that it makes a difference to me or the way I live my life, honestly.

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
Written's avatar

@tifa: I know, but still. Nothing wrong with getting opinions. I guess I’ll just give it time, see where that leads me.

Thanks a lot for the answers. :) Appreciate it.

JLeslie's avatar

@Written what country are you in? Sure, some people fit the sterotypes, but there are a whole bunch of people who don’t.

Written's avatar

@JLeslie: I’d rather not say, but, it’s in Europe. Yeah, I guess that’s right.

JLeslie's avatar

I understand.

ChaosCross's avatar

I think you just sound confused.

If you still are not turned on by guys and are attracted by girls, then you are not gay.

It is really that simple.

Iclamae's avatar

@JLeslie I was upset at his wording at first too, but sexuality is such a rigid thing for many teens. It wasn’t until I got to college that I began to understand it as a gradient or flexible thing.

Ivan's avatar

I’m not sure it really matters. If you’re a little bi-curious, so what? Go with the flow. You don’t have to be 100% gay or 100% straight, just be 100% whatever you happen to be. The important thing is to not be ashamed.

I don’t really understand what causing mischief and playing violent video games has to do with this, but you seem like a well-spoken young man, so welcome.

Written's avatar

@Iclamae: Completely true. I’m just doing my best not to say anything that may be misinterpreted. :)

@Ivan: Thanks. Again, it’s hard to speak to people about this subject, since it’s not the same everywhere. Somewhere it’s accepted, somewhere it isn’t, so, I apologize for some barbarian-written sentences, I do my best. :)

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

@Written A hearty welcome to Fluther! You have found a safe haven for your questions, no matter how blunt some of the answers you read on this or any other post may be. We are all human, yet in the vast majority of cases, we care about each other.

As several have said, I also don’t think that it is possible to ‘turn gay’. If anything, it might be a sexual awakening to feelings that have been repressed, the possibility of expanding your horizons to bi-sexuality that only a few of us can address.

So here are some of my personal thoughts. Keep in mind that they are coming from a 40-something heterosexual woman.

Having a crush on a girl doesn’t necessarily give credibility to being a heterosexual man. I once had dinner with a dear friend who not only told me that he was gay (which I already suspected), but that if he weren’t, he would pursue me. My housemate of 8 years had a secret crush on a female friend of his. He fantasized about marrying her and having a house with a white-picket fence. I think it was because he grew up in Wyoming in a mans’ world.

There was a time when I wondered myself if I was such a closet lesbian that I wasn’t aware of it, I’d rather know if I was and could move on than overlook it. I talked to a niece, a psychology major, about it, and she asked one simple question that put it all in perspective: “Well, when you have sexual dreams, is a woman involved or a man?” I have admired women for their physical characteristics and have loved many women, but when it comes to dreams, it is alway a man involved. Who knows if there is a bit of truth in my niece’s theory, but it has made sense and works for me.

The whole sex thing is messy from many aspects. Just listen to your heart and try not to hurt any potential partner by doing something you are not comfortable with. It will all fall into place in time.

Written's avatar

@Pied_Pfeffer: Woah. That is… Just, thanks. :)

JLeslie's avatar

For the record, I was not upset. I apologyze if I was too blunt.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

No. Try to think about Homosexual and what you think of as Straight on two ends of a long scale with shades of gray between- you might be slightly into the Gray area and in my opinion and observations (I’m in my 40’s) then most “normal” people seem to fall somewhere along the Gray areas.

If you’re okay acknowledging your fantasies then you’ll be better off down the road. You may never feel the urge strong enough to pursue anything more to these images or you might act out and see how it feels but you’ll always be “normal”.

Smashley's avatar

Are you gay? Maybe.

Can anyone on the internet tell you for sure? Not at all.

Who knows, really? Sexuality is confusing for many people throughout their entire lives, for a teenager, more so. Chances are, whatever you feel, whatever you orientations and preferences are, you aren’t “turning” anything, you’re just coming of age and discovering things about yourself. In the end, you’re going to have to define who you are for yourself. The definitions and terms that people use: “gay” “straight” “bi” “queer” “flexible” are a little problematic to try and cram most people into. In the end, you are who you are and you like what you like.

Really, the best you can do is make friends you can talk with about these, read something like Dan Savage or other publications about sex and sexuality, just to familiarize yourself with different ways of thinking about these complicated subjects. Just don’t stress about it. It’s weird accepting that there are things about yourself you are unsure of, but there really isn’t a better answer right now. Think about things, educate yourself, and eventually experiment, and you’ll figure it out.

Just stay safe, enjoy the ride, and don’t worry too much about what you might discover about yourself.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

Don’t worry about it, and don’t assign a label to yourself, even in your head, if you can avoid it. Like what you like—and be careful who you confide in.

Just a FYI… when I was in college (and still a very heterosexual virgin) I came across a photo (they were pretty rare then in print, and we didn’t have the internet in 1972) of a nearly-fully-erect penis. For some reason, that turned me on a lot, too. But I didn’t have the doubt that you seem to have now, and I didn’t let it bother me. (I also never told anyone.) It was a turn-on, though I had never, have never and never will be with a man ‘that way’. Now I’m still not going to tell my friends at work, “Hey, guys, guess what I just remembered about my old college days…”, but in this forum, and to you… there it is.

It means essentially nothing.

And yes, welcome to Fluther, and what a heck of a GQ to start with. Stick around.

absalom's avatar

Like others have said, sexuality isn’t really a binary thing; most people aren’t completely straight or completely gay but are somewhere in between. Some otherwise classically straight guys might like the idea of having a M/M/F threesome but would never have actual sex with another man, for example. It’s okay to recognize the sexual qualities of another male’s body without being attracted to those qualities. (And, of course, it’s also okay to be attracted to them.)

I’m gay by traditional standards, but a lot of my fantasies involve male/female sex for some reason, and I often watch heterosexual porn. Occasionally I even find myself incredibly attracted to the female form, but in the end I am always scared away by the vagina.

But anyway the point is that it’s very hard to say what is gay and what is straight, and having certain thoughts or desires does not immediately place you in some strictly defined category from which escape is impossible. Sexuality is a fluid phenomenon and should be treated as such (i.e., ‘go with the flow’); maybe you will find your sexual interest in other guys developing in the years to come and maybe it will disappear entirely. In any event, the worst thing you can do is try to repress your feelings and deny yourself what you desire.

Oh, and try to be aware of stereotypes, like someone else mentioned. Stereotypes have some truth to them, but they are always incomplete and inadequate in representing the individual.

sliceswiththings's avatar

Are you sure these naked men aren’t strange forms of yourself? I’m female and heterosexual, and if I’m planning on masturbating I can get turned on by my own body. I think it’s the idea of someone else (a guy) touching my body, even though I’m the one doing it that does it for me. Therefore, I wonder if the naked men are fabricated by your subconscious to represent yourself and your own sexual satisfaction. The idea of a guy getting off could logically be more satisfying to you than the image of a woman doing so, because guy getting off is your ultimate goal. Same goes for me, I’ll get images of women from the neck down (therefore faceless, but with bigger boobs than I have), having a good ol’ time, i guess to stay with my goal.

So no, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re gay.

plethora's avatar

You’re not gay. You’ll fantasize about much more weird things than that and still be totally straight. Hell, part of Tiger Woods little fantasy was cuckold relationships….as in having other men do his wife..and possibly helping, as in with the guy. Don’t sweat it. You are not gay.

airowDee's avatar

You can have whatever fantasy you want, it has nothing to do with your sexual orientation. Anyways, no one can tell you if you are gay or not, just like no one can tell you if you are a boy or a girl. It’s something you have to discover on your own with an open mind and without prejudices to yourself. You are still young, you have so many years to figure out what you want in your life.

Response moderated (Off-Topic)
Response moderated (Writing Standards)
downtide's avatar

So many people have already given some great answers on here. All I have to add is this little bit of personal experience.

When I was 14, I was sure I was straight. When I was 15 I was sure I was gay. At 16, I changed my mind again. At 17 I was back to thinking I was gay. At 18 I thought I was straight. At 19 I thought “Bugger this, I’ll call myself bisexual” and that label has fit and suited me just fine ever since.

The truth is, that sexuality is not two separate boxes labelled “gay” or “straight”. It’s a conntinuum, with “100% straight” at one end and “100% gay” at the other. Most people fit somewhere on this continuum but because of society being the way it is, they will lie to each other (and themselves) about where they are. Some people don’t even know how far up the continuum they are.

At your age, it’s impossible to tell for certain. Many gay people just knew right from the very beginning that they were gay, long before they started getting into sexual relationships. But for many others, they don’t know until they start actually having sex, and they figure out who they like to have sex with the most.

The other point is that teenagers have such raging hormones that just about any image can make them horny. Until this stage of your life has passed, and until you start getting involved in actual sexual relationships, I don’t think it’s possible to give a definitive answer. But my guess, based purely on what you’ve said so far, would be that you are far closer to the straight end of that continuum than you are to the gay end.

Written's avatar

Phew. It took me more then 10 minutes to think of a way to thank each and every one of you, and I still came up with nothing.I never came across such a good community, and I’m on the internet the whole day.

Just, thanks. All of the answers make sense. :) Still, I can’t describe how better I feel, with no more doubt in my mind. I’ll become a Fluther regular, no doubt.

Iclamae's avatar

@downtide ‘s response reminded me of this: http://www.darcomic.org/2009/06/23/identity/

Incidentally, she is currently married to a guy and still finds women attractive.

downtide's avatar

@Iclamae ahah that’s just about exactly how it was (except for me, throw in a sizeable portion of me not being sure of my own gender either).

ru2bz46's avatar

I think those around you will know before you do. I’ve known a number of guys growing up that we all knew were gay. They didn’t think so. I’ve run into several of them as adults. They are gay. As kids, they were confused. Eventually, they figured it out, but their outward behavior indicated their gayness long before. It was interesting to watch my “nephew” develop over the last 10 years. I knew he was gay when I first met him. He was 15. He had posters of girls on his wall. He was always going places with his guy friends. He played sports and went on dates with girls. All the “normal” stuff. He moved to Hawaii for a couple years and came back gay. When he told me, I told him it was about time he found out. If you really want to know, ask your friends.

Written's avatar

@ru2bz46: My friends would have told me. They tell people anything, good or bad. :) Oh, and, I know you didn’t mean anything bad, but I don’t really need a similar example of a dude – turned gay. :D

CyanoticWasp's avatar

@Written “thanks” is nice. It’s all we ever expect here—and more than we usually get—so you’re entirely welcome. And your “thanks” is much appreciated.

MissAnthrope's avatar

YOU CANNOT TURN GAY. Please stop saying that. It’d probably be best for your mental well-being if you disabused yourself of that idea entirely.

I wouldn’t rely on people knowing before you. It happens sometimes, sure, but not at all ‘most of the time’. I grew up surrounded by gay men and I’ve often wondered how not one of them ever pulled my mom aside and said, Oh, honey, we have to talk about MissAnthrope..

To me, looking back, it was glaringly obvious. I’ve always been a tomboy, I stopped wearing dresses at around age 13, tried out makeup and hated it, etc. However, I asked my mom a few years ago and she was genuinely surprised at the question, so despite the fact that I had a lot of people in my life that were pretty aware of “the signs” (or at least had developed a good gaydar), no one guessed.

Now, after I had my first girlfriend, I was still calling myself bi, but it was a very confusing time for me. I had to own up to the fact that the feelings I had for women were different and FAR more intense than those I had for men. I spent about 6 months stewing and sorting things out, until I was finally able to admit to myself that I was gay, not bi. When I came out to her and our mutual friend, to my surprise, they laughed and said, “Well, duh.. it’s about time you figured that out.”

But the only reason those two figured it out is because they knew what I was going through and they knew me well enough to see my inner struggle with the issue.

Written's avatar

@MissAnthrope : I know, I know, sorry, I just wrote the first thing that came to my head. I know you can’t turn gay, you either are, or aren’t. If anything,that’s the main thing you guys (and gals) taught me.

ru2bz46's avatar

Well, @Written, then you have nothing to worry about. If your friends don’t think you’re gay, then I doubt you are.

Roby's avatar

You can not TURN Gay. You have to be born that way.

GracieT's avatar

I am a woman who is “straight,” but occasionally I meet woman whom I fantasize about. We all are, as @misanthrope says so clearly, on a gradient in our sexuality. No one is ever exactly one or the other.
Anyway, welcome to Fluther, and feel welcome to ask ANYTHING!

tearsxsolitude's avatar

I know that you posted this like a week ago, but I liked the question and thought it was interesting. I don’t think you’re turning gay, I think it’s a curiosity thing. If a guy does not turn you on then I don’t think you’re gay. And if you turn out to someday like a guy, dude that’s fine. You should like whomever you like. I sometimes masturbate to girls and I can look at a girl and think she’s hot but I’ve never been attracted to one of my friends. It’s fine, there’s no problem. Just don’t even worry about it. I bet that it’s pretty normal.

Written's avatar

^ Thanks for the asnwer. It’s just not on my mind any more. xD I honestly couldn’t care less right now, I am what I am. Words can’t describe how writing all of that here actually helped me realize how stupid and useless some of my actions were, and how the amount of good answers helped me.

Thank you all.

BeeVomit's avatar

Good for you, dude! You’re a little bi-curious. It happens to plenty of guys your age. It didn’t hit me until college. Could be you’d have a lot of fun with both sexes. Besides, whoever said you had to choose one or the other?

I know lots of gals who would like to have two male lovers at the same time. Try out a threesome, maybe it’ll become a moresome. Those sorts of things can be rather fun, I hear.

dreamwolf's avatar

Clearly you are haunted. It’s normal. I use to have “ticks” or light “turrets.” You can beat your demons just say it over and over again that this is not your way. I used to pleasure my self, anally, and yes I am a male. I would pretend while watching porno that sometimes I was the girl. Just so I could feel how she was feeling. But I really only love women. I never fantasized about a man doing me though. So just practice it over and over, you need to masturbate to more and more girls. And focus on the cooch. Tell yourself how much you love pussy. It works. And yeah like everyone else is saying, you don’t turn gay. Bi Sexual maybe, but not gay. Maybe you’re like the Persians who practiced Bi Sexuality? You have pleasure from all sexes on your mind. Good luck! :D

Written's avatar

Two years later I accidentally found this in my bookmarks. :) I got all warmed up inside just seeing and remembering how many good people came to help me when I was in doubt and in need of help. Thank you all, once again, two years later. All the best.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Hey…that’s what we are here for. I sincerely hope that life and romance is working out for you and treating you well.

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther