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AlbertKinng's avatar

What is the perfect way to train your 2 year old baby girl to go to the bathroom? I'm losing my patience.

Asked by AlbertKinng (227 points ) November 7th, 2010

I have a 2 years old baby girl but yesterday we start training her to go to the bathroom. She knows what to dobut she is not doing it! I ask her what she suppose to do and she tell me with a smile, but then again she is not doing it! I also put real panties to see if she understand it is serious but she don’t want to! MOMS OUT THERE HELP ME!

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39 Answers

janedelila's avatar

Only she will know when she is ready. Please don’t push because it will become a battle of wills that you will lose. She knows. She is two, and has control issues (because most two year olds do) so she sees this as her decision. She doesn’t want to. So she doesn’t want to. Make it a game, instead of serious. Have you tried the reward system? I hung a basket of pennies above the toilet , and gave my child one when she did what she should. The punishment system does not work. It’s a power struggle all the way.

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AlbertKinng's avatar

I give up on the power struggle idea, I was mad and she start crying and I understand that isn’t going to work that way. I ask her gently and nothing. Sit with her and nothing. I mean as soon as I sit her on the potty she does it, but I want her to go herself not me grabing her every five minutes! need a way to make her understand. (it has been one day though!)

YARNLADY's avatar

Patience is the key. You mustn’t run out. Try taking her once an hour. My three and half grandson won’t go unless we take him. He doesn’t ask.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

One day is not very long, don’t lose patience with her. Potty training can be a very strange time for children, it takes away a big part of what they have always known. Just relax, give her time. If you are tense, she will be, too. You really have no choice but to be patient.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Don’t let her see your frustration. Be encouraging in all endeavors. Not only are you teaching her to potty, but she’s teaching you to love, care for, and be patient with her.

Way to DAD!

AlbertKinng's avatar

ok. it seems it will be hard then. Tomorrow I will try to play a game with her and a baby doll just to see if that works… lol this is out of my league!

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

@AlbertKinng sometimes it can take weeks or months for a child to be potty trained. It’s a big step. Just keep your cool, take it slow. Form a routine, a schedule. Take her at the same time, every couple of hours. If nothing happens, then just let it go. If and when she DOES go, make a big to-do out of it. Give her a reward, get really excited. But being disappointed when she doesn’t go is really kind of useless, and I fear it may actually set her back.

JLeslie's avatar

She might be too young.

Coloma's avatar

2 is still very little.

My daughter was trained during the daytime hours for the most part around two and a half but still wore pullups at bedtime til she was over 3.

Do NOT force her, use a reward system instead of punishment.

If she sits for a few minutes reward her with small treat or better yet, read her a story while she is on the potty. If she goes great, if not do not make her sit for more than 2–3 minutes which is a lifetime for a tiny child.

The worst thing you can do is become upset and-or punish her.

Don’t stress, it’ll happen in it’s own time.

Have you ever seen a 5 year old in diapers? lol

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

It’s only hard because you’re making it hard. It would be fun if you made it fun.

You only get to potty train them once…

And just imagine yourself 60 years from now, when she will be the one wiping your ass complaining frustrated that you won’t go when and where you should. Who’s got the worse end of the deal here?

great question by the way

AlbertKinng's avatar

@Coloma I did saw a couple of babies with 4 and 5 years old wearing diapers and other children don’t want to play with them because they smell. I don’t want that for my baby girl. I will try as a game tomorrow.

AlbertKinng's avatar

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies LISTEN TO YOU. it seems you can’t help me but at the same time you are ready to judge me on something you don’t know how to explain yourself!
give me a solution first then judge all you want!

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

@AlbertKinng I don’t think that @RealEyesRealizeRealLies was intending to be judgmental. It’s true, it really is only hard because you’re making it hard.
You just need to be patient. One day is really a lot to expect. Her little brain is taking in everything around her right now, you need to allow your child time to absorb and understand all of the information she’s ingesting.
You don’t have to make it a game. Make it a routine. Reward her when she does well, and say nothing and remain patient when she takes longer than you’d like to grasp what she’s doing. Patience IS the solution.

Pandora's avatar

@AlbertKinng
1. Never, ever buy those pull up crappy pants. I call it that because in daycare all it ever did was prolong the process.
2. Two years of age is not a magic wand age. Not all children are potty trained by that age or are actually physically and emotionally ready.
3. So don’t want to grow up. Some are intimidated by the toilet. Make it fun with music and all.
4. Reward systems are great.
5. Be sure she doesn’t wear one single diaper the entire week. Day and NIGHT
6. Be prepared for some accidents. Clean them up and put her on the potty.
Make sure she understand you are not angry.
7. Show her extra love and affection for being a big girl. This way she understands she won’t be showed less affection for being a big girl. Some children don’t want to stop being the baby.
8. If it doesn’t work by the end of the week, come back to it the following month. She may not be ready.
9. If that happens, don’t praise her in between the potty visit for random attempts at your attention. Then she thinks she can still be the baby in diapers and the big girl every once in a while.
10. Realize some are simply lazy but others may not have control of their bowels by age two.
Most do but not all. Especially first borns are harder to catch on than the next child.

Good luck and love her like hell. This moment will be so brief a moment in your lifespan.
You’ll remember when potty training seemed so hard and its nothing compared to the challenges she has yet to face. So remember. No big deal if she doesn’t rush forward with wild abandonment.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Chill dude, I’m trying to help. I just spent the last ten minutes trying to find a good youtube video on the book everyone poops for you to share with your daughter. The only good ones are in Japanese, but I was hoping there would be some fun stuff for you guys to share together.

The book was a big hit with my kids. Hope it helps.

And like I said, Way to Dad! It is a privilege to be a parent. There’s no other task more important on the planet. Enjoy it while you can.

Coloma's avatar

@Pandora

I think pull ups are great for bedtime while in training or for excursions where there is a chance for an accident.

Especially bedtime when it is too much to expect a small child to get up on their own with the still limited bladder control.

Pandora's avatar

@Coloma After one or two accidents they learn to get up. If the accidents never are allowed than they never learn to control it.
It did remind me of something else. In the early stages of potty training. Limit liquids after 6 pm.
Make sure it is no more than a small glass till they get the hang of it.
Oh, and leave night lights going to the bathroom and in the bathroom so they can see where they are going.
Make a sticker board. Every poop gets a gold star and pee silver. After a few she gets a big reward.

janedelila's avatar

There are ways to tell if the child is ready. If she can pick up a crayon with her thumb and forefinger only, it is indicative of bladder control muscles. Try chalk, or something similar sized if she doesn’t like the feel of either. A pencil, a french fry, anything close. If she can’t she isn’t ready.

YARNLADY's avatar

@Pandora Until the child is physically capable of holding it in, and they reach that stage at different ages, no amount of accidents at night will teach them!!

Pandora's avatar

@YARNLADY Then if they aren’t ready they should just remain in diapers. I did day care for 3 years, mostly toddlers. The ones on the pull ups could never see the distinction between a diaper and the pull ups. After all, it is designed to be soiled in.
They understood better when they went all in on the underwears and learned quicker than the ones in pull ups. We had one kid who was in pull ups till 5 and she was getting ready to go to kindengarden.
She simply never liked having to get up from her naps to go or stopping play to go to the bathroom. There was no physical reason she was not able to go.
Most of the pull up children didn’t learn to go till 2 and a half or 3 where the underwear kids learned a few months earlier.

BarnacleBill's avatar

My oldest started using a potty chair on her own at 18 months; she wet the bed every night until 4–½. My youngest wore a diaper until she was 3. When we started potty training her, she had one accident and never, ever wet the bed.

Your daughter’s bladder is probably not developed enough yet for her to be able to sense what she needs to in order to know when to go.

If you try to train a child before they are ready, you are really training yourself. Frankly, diapers on a 2 year old are less trouble than peed clothing. She will most likely be ready in another 3–4 months. Keep the potty chair in the bathroom, and let her sit on it when you’re getting her bath ready. The sound of running water usually makes kids pee.

Pandora's avatar

@AlbertKinng I also forgot one other thing. If your child is in daycare, someone should take the week off to be with her during training. Daycares try their best to help with potty training but if you want it to be consistant it would be better if one of you was there 24/7. This is a big moment for her and in the crowd of several tots all demanding attention there may be accidents that could’ve been avoided if she just had someone totally devoted to her needs. Teach her to speak up when she needs to go. (I say this because some would be shy and have an accident because they were afraid to say they had to go)
I use to have to one kid jump up and down and yell he had to go before he ran to the bathroom.
We knew to move the children not in a hurry out of the way.

trailsillustrated's avatar

two is too young it’ll go better if you wait till she’s 3

Coloma's avatar

@trailsillustrated I agree, if the child is resisting back off for another few months.
You simply cannot force the situation beyond the readiness factor. Well you can, but to the detriment of the child.

JLeslie's avatar

My grandma told me I was almost 21/2 and she found it ridiculous I had not been potty trained yet, so she showed me what to do and in a day I was trained. I might have had an accident or two, I have no idea, but that is the story I was told. I figure I was more than ready physically, so the rest was easy. I figure I was probably happy to impress my grandma.

earthduzt's avatar

my daughter was potty trained at around 2 years old. Here’s how we did it…may sound a little weird but when she was at home we basically let her run around naked (inside of course), children do not like to pee on themselves and after about 3 weeks of running around naked voila she was potty trained, no hassles or anything, it was magical.

DancingMind's avatar

I’m going to make myself sound much younger than I am, but: When my sister and I were young my mom read to us: Once Upon a Potty. You might find it tedious to read (‘she sat and sat and sat and sat’... you’ll see) but my mom says my sister and I loved it, and it certainly made an impression… I still remember that book.

YARNLADY's avatar

@earthduzt I have tried that with my grandson’s, age 3½ and 1½, but they take great pleasure in making pictures on the floor and walls with their pee.

sakura's avatar

Welcome to fluther! I hope you have found the advice you were looking for. There isnt much I can add to what has been said already! Patoence really is the key and dont expect it to happen over night. There has been a question similar to this asked before try the search that thread could give you a few more ideas. I like the ideas of having no nappy durng toilet training we did it in summer so my daughter was outside loads and it didnt matter also we were waiting for a new carpet! Good luck and she will get there it may not be tomorrow but it will just click!

augustlan's avatar

If she’s ready, it will go a lot smoother… many children aren’t ready at age two. I think my girls were about 2½, and we did it by staying home for one solid week, letting them run around with no underwear or pants on, just a long t-shirt. While boys can pee away from their bodies, girls pee down their legs… which they hate. Once or twice was all it took for them to decide they didn’t want to do that anymore! That said, they still wore diapers at night until they were old enough to get up and go in the middle of the night by themselves… probably about 3 years old. Try not to stress about it… everyone ends up potty-trained, eventually. Good luck!

MissAusten's avatar

Is she just two, or two going on three? There’s a big difference, but in either case only a day or two of potty training is way too soon to expect much at all in the way of results.

My daughter was two months away from her third birthday when we switched to underwear. She’d been introduced to the potty long before then, of course, and knew the routine. She could pull her pants up and down and communicate very well. However, she had no interest in wearing underwear all of the time. Since she was in daycare, I chose the week I had off work for Christmas to get rid of the diapers. It really helped to be with her all day and not put the job off on teachers who are also responsible for several other children.

First, I set a timer to go off every hour. When the timer went off, it was potty time. We’d go into the bathroom and she’d sit on the potty. If she went pee or poop, she got an M&M candy. If she didn’t do anything, I’d remind her to keep her pants clean and dry and we’d wait a while to try again later. The first two days she had one or two accidents. The third day, it all went to hell. She decided she was done using the potty forever, and would sit on it until she had a ring around her bottom (refusing to get off) without going pee. As soon as she finally stood up and pulled her pants up, she’d pee. Then, she’d laugh. I was so frustrated and didn’t know what to do. It was clearly a battle of wills. After this happened several times, I was ready to give up and wait.

Then, a friend of mine gave me some excellent advice. She said, “When she wets herself, make her clean herself up. She’ll hate it so much, she’ll keep herself dry.” I first explained to my daughter, “You’re a big girl now, and you wear underwear. It’s your job to keep your underwear clean and dry. If you pee in your pants, you will clean it up.” So, the next time my daughter sat on the toilet for 45 minutes, didn’t do anything, but immediately peed in her pants, I calmly took her into the bathroom and told her to take her clothes off and put them in the hamper. She was horrified and completely disgusted. She didn’t want to touch her wet clothes, and cried and cried. I stayed calm, but insisted she do it herself. She finally pulled off her wet clothes and put them in the hamper. I helped her put on dry things, but she was still furious with me. She was so mad she said, “Mommy, I am going to bed!” and spent almost an hour in bed being angry before getting up again.

It was the last time she had a wet accident during the day. She did wear pull-ups at night until she was able to stay dry, about another year. Typically when a child has kept the pull-up dry for three nights, he or she doesn’t need it any more. My daughter never kept it dry, but once we stopped using it, she didn’t have any accidents. However, please keep in mind that it is very common for children to take a lot longer to have bladder control all night, especially boys. It is not laziness. Some children’s brains do not signal the kidneys to slow urine production during sleep, and if these children are also very deep sleepers they simply will not wake up to use the bathroom. It takes time and patience for them to mature.

As for pooping, it’s sometimes different for kids to learn to poo on the potty compared to learning to pee. Even after our daughter stopped peeing in her pants, she had a couple of bowel movement accidents. She had been constipated and was afraid to poop on the potty because she thought it would hurt. It took another couple of days of rewarding her for pooping on the potty and being very patient for her to go to the bathroom when she needed to have a bowel movement.

Potty training my two boys was similar, but they were a bit older.

There are many, many resources for parents starting to potty train. Visit the library or book store, look up articles on the internet. Use the method or advice that fits best with your family, and above all, be patient!

Edited to add: I did not try to make my child clean herself up if she had a bowel movement in her underwear. That’s too nasty. We simply bribed her with candy and small toys until she got over her fear.

jca's avatar

Without even reading the other answers, I can tell you my daughter is just 3½ now and she has been using the toilet and still wearing diapers until recently. She would do poo on the toilet about half the time, since 12 months old, and she would pee in the toilet about ⅓ the time, since 12 months old. I did not get anxious about it because I felt there was no need to. She recently started going to nursery school, and I knew the fact that the other kids in the class all wore underpants would make her want to do the same.

A long time ago, before I had a child, I read an article about toilet training. It said there was this lady that used to work with rooms full of parents, and the first question she would ask is “Who here is not yet toilet trained?” Meaning, everyone becomes toilet trained eventually.

Don’t make yourself anxious over this issue – it’s not worth it. Life is too short.

jca's avatar

Also, don’t compare your child to other children. Don’t look at the neighbor’s children, or your friends’ children and say to yourself “look, this one uses the toilet and she’s 2” or “this one uses the toilet and he’s 1.” Every child is different, there’s no magical solution, and my number one suggestion is to relax about it. Get your diapers at a wholesale club like Costco or BJ’s or Sam’s Club and that will save on the expense.

Enjoy, also the fact that while the baby wears a diaper, you don’t have to get up in the middle of the night to take her to the toilet!! :)

Coloma's avatar

@jca

Right, there is no ‘one size fits all’ and there is no such thing as ‘perfect.’
The parents that are obsessed with a child being toilet trained by a particular ‘perfect’ age are being narcissistic, attaching to their egos need to say ’ my child was trained at 15 months’ as if this is somehow a reflection of their amazing parenting rather than the childs readiness.

AlbertKinng's avatar

Ok. I get the point that this is going to be hard and non stop action kind of training. Neither my wife and me got any patience at all. Thx for all your advices and I really appreciate your time in something that important in every father’s life. Today will be second day of potty training let’s see how it goes!

jca's avatar

This is just the first of many things in your child’s life that are going to require you to have patience. It will not pay to stress out over it, as the child will pick up on your anxiety, and the child will become anxious, too. Do you want an anxious, neurotic child or do you want a child that will be able to enjoy life, and you will be able to enjoy the child as a result?

AlbertKinng's avatar

Hey guess what? for some reason I put the top seat on the real toilet and she enjoy it so much that she almost do all of her pee pee in the big toilet! Everything is getting better now. hope tomorrow I get more improvements from her!

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