Social Question

YoKoolAid's avatar

Is demanding to see a S/O's poop a form of abuse?

Asked by YoKoolAid (2424 points ) November 8th, 2010

My girlfriend and I were talking about people we knew from high school, and she brought up an individual, and she said that person A is dating person B, and person B is a “health nut”/ “nutrition freak”, whatever you want to call it, and demands that every time person A has a BM, person B must inspect it to see if person A is healthy. Do you think this is a form of abuse?

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46 Answers

diavolobella's avatar

It’s abuse if the other person involved feels abused by it. For me at least, I would think it’s a grievous invasion of privacy and I’d refuse to allow them to do it. However, if Person A doesn’t care, then it’s no one’s business.

chyna's avatar

What?
Not abuse but pathetic.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Person B has some secret happy ideas about poop.

Joybird's avatar

It is an unreasonable request. It doesn’t qualify as abuse unless other more coercive behavior occurs when person A refuses to comply with the request. This coercive behavior might include things like kicking the door open, name calling, harassment such as badgering, and similar things.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

If the B person doesn’t want the person A to see he’s/her poop then I guess it could be abusive for person B.

-YIKES!

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I wonder if they know that though the person’s body may be healthy, their relationship and this sort of demanding isn’t.

diavolobella's avatar

Come to think of it, I might use some negative reinforcement to break Person A of this strange desire. Like leaving a shapely and fragrant poo on their pillow or maybe in the pocket of their coat. “Oh, but I thought you wanted to look at it?” XD

josie's avatar

No it is not abuse. It would be abuse if B beat or threatened to beat A if they did not show the goods. Still, it is weird beyond my understanding and I would be outa there if I were A.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

A could always enlist their friends to present ziplock bags of their own poop for analysis, it’d show B that A was really into sharing the interest in poop if they’ve got so little else going on together that poop is a big deal.

Blondesjon's avatar

can’t…stop…laughing…long enough…to…post…

marinelife's avatar

Yes, it is abusive.

Person B is not a doctor who can determine from Person A’s poop what is healthy.

The bathroom is the last refuge of privacy. That is a horrible invasion.

Kardamom's avatar

Sounds like possibly person A has lied about whether or not they have been eating the right foods. It does sound a little odd, but my guess is that person A may have some sort of condition such as diabetes or gallstones that could be detrimental to their health if they eat the wrong things.

Person B probably started the Poop Patrol after person B was caught eating something they shouldn’t have. Or person B had to clean up the aftermath, or had to take care of person A while they were sick, or had to rush person A to the hospital. It sounds pretty extreme to me, but person A is probably fed up.

BarnacleBill's avatar

This relationship would come under the category of “Run, Toto, Run!!!!”

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

If Persons A and B live in the DC area, your girlfriend might be describing by brother and his SO. He is health-obsessed. He’ll walk around at family gatherings with a plate of scrubbed clean raw fruits and vegetables to feed the mass. He’s endured at least colonoscopy because he fears colon cancer, despite the fact that hasn’t occured in our family.

I don’t know if he checks his SO’s BMs, but it wouldn’t surprise me. And no, it isn’t a form of abuse; it’s just one other aspect where someone may draw the line in a relationship. At least Person B is concerned about another’s well-being, as creepy as it seems.

Amanda Gore, an inspirational speaker, talks about the importance of Fluffy Floaties vs. Stinky Sinkies for a healthier lifestyle. Let’s face it…when you have a ‘Stinky Sinky’, you haven’t been treating your body properly.

wundayatta's avatar

In a novel about earlier China, the prince was required to present his poop to the court doctor so that the prince could have a diet adjusted to reflect the needs indicated by the offering. Person B isn’t Chinese, is he?

Person B is very insecure, I think, and is trying to control his world and make everything safe. He regiments his own food, and wants to regiment his SO’s food—perhaps believing it will keep them healthy and keep him from losing them.

His efforts to control his world are draconian. One wonders what A sees in B. Maybe she needs his control in some way, perhaps to keep her organized and together.

Is it abuse? It depends on the relationship between them and what agreements, spoken or not, they have about how the relationship will work. She may be happy to have his advice. Or he may be afraid of losing her, and is seeking to control her by convincing her she can’t survive without him.

She’s a grown woman, I presume. She is of sound enough mind, right? She makes her own choices and if this is the kind of guy she wants to hang with, that’s her choice. It is possible for her to leave. It could be a kind of emotional abuse, but what’s that? How can you tell when it’s happening? We all manipulate others in ways we are probably not aware of. We pressure, we whine, we shame…. are all efforts to get someone else to choose to do what you want them to do abuse? Are any of them abuse? Good question. Someone should ask it.

I don’t think it’s abuse. I just think it’s a relationship I would never be a part of.

coffeenut's avatar

tell person A to eat some tinsel, that should get Person B to stop lol

YoKoolAid's avatar

Person A does not like to do this. From the little facts I know, person A does this to…“keep the relationship going” and person B is very controlling.

janbb's avatar

It’s very bizarre! (And who says there are no great Fluther questions any more?)

Deja_vu's avatar

If person A wants to continue the shitty relationship there is always the Poo Log as an alternative for person B monitoring person A‘s crap. As much as person B is a health nut the relationship is very unhealthy.

lillycoyote's avatar

Sometimes I wonder why I have trouble finding a boyfriend when so many other people seem to have no trouble at all. Then I read something like this and I feel a little better about myself. I’m with @wundayatta. “I don’t think it’s abuse. I just think it’s a relationship I would never be a part of.” I wouldn’t put up with that kind of thing for a second. It’s controlling and my bowel movements are none of anyone’s business unless I’m bringing a stool sample into a lab for analysis. Who made him the poop and health police? It would just kind of give me the creeps too. I might just show him the door the very first time on this one. And if B is a controlling “health nut”/ “nutrition freak” as you say, I suspect this it not at only thing he tries to control in her life. I bet he tries also tries to control what she eats, after all, what comes out is very much “impacted” by what goes in, and… he may other aspects of her behavior that might effect her health, and it might not be limited to just heath issues. I don’t think I’d want any part of him.

MaryW's avatar

It is abuse if you think it is. I would consider it abuse, as I have privacy expectations.

AmWiser's avatar

Dammit, can’t they flush before the shit inspector gets there. Or don’t person A have any privacy while doing the do. This is insane~.

cak's avatar

If Person A only does this to keep the relationship going, I think it may be time to flush the relationship. If it starts with poo inspections, where does it end? I can only see a bad outcome to this one.

This might be the oddest question ever, but somehow very intriguing. What does that say about me? Odd. Very odd.

Symbeline's avatar

I don’t know if it’s abuse or not. I’m willing to say it is if person B is uncomfortable with having their poop scrutinized.
Either way though, no one has the right to demand anything of the sort to a person. No one.

It’s not so much the content of this example that bothers me, but rather the whole demand thing.

cak's avatar

I got my person A and B mixed up. The poop inspector, not by choice, should stop. The poopee, needs to really take a step back and examine what is important in life.

janbb's avatar

@cak “needs to really take a step back and examine what is important in life.”

That sounds what what the Poop iinspector is trying to do. :-)

cak's avatar

@janbb – Seriously, I’m laughing so hard my back hurts.

janbb's avatar

@cak Really don’t want to cause you any pain, but I guess a laugh is almost worth it!

chyna's avatar

Ok, I have gone from having a parent that was taken to the ER for impacted bowels to having exploding diarrhea within 3 days. I DO NOT want to be a poop inspector ever again. Sorry, TMI.

cak's avatar

@janbb – it was worth it. I needed a good laugh.

@chyna – That’s a lot of poo. I hope you are feeling better and not quite as explosive.

chyna's avatar

@cak Not me, my mom! It’s been the worst week of my life.

cak's avatar

@chyna—eeewww! Yeah, you win. Not a fun award, but you win.

janbb's avatar

@chyna Yup – you get the Official Poop Inspector of Fluther Award.

Mikewlf337's avatar

LOL!!! Thats weird and thats coming from me.

Deja_vu's avatar

Maybe person B has a poop fetish. What are the consequences if person A has diarrhea? How does someone bring that up in a relationship “I have to check your poop in order to make this work”? This question is so strange. I would never let my S/O check my poop.

cockswain's avatar

This entertains the hell out of me. A guy who wants to judge your poop to evaluate how well you’re taking care of yourself. And I bet he acts like an uptight prick if he doesn’t like what he sees. Awesome.

lillycoyote's avatar

@cockswain Yeah, I was wondering if he issues her Ziploc bags so she can bring stool samples home for inspection in case she ever has an “away game.” Or maybe that never happens. He might have her on a very tight schedule.

cockswain's avatar

It just sounds so deviant and controlling. Like at what point in a relationship and how do you reveal to your s/o that you intend to start judging her poop? How do you bring it up? I guess you start off slowly, and sort of act non-judgmental. Maybe casually interested. Gradually amping it up until you are in full on “show me the poop” mode. No checks and balances working in that relationship, that’s for sure.

lillycoyote's avatar

@cockswain That’s the other thing I was curious about. How does something like this get worked into the daily ebb and flow of a relationship? How does is start? I have no idea. In my entire life the only people who have ever shown any concern regarding my poop that’s even remotely close to this was my parents, and, as far as I know, once I mastered the art of depositing it in the toilet, wiping my own ass and flushing even they pretty much lost interest in the whole business, unless I was sick or had issues one way or the other.

DominicX's avatar

As Cartman would say: “the fuck!”

That sounds like a total invasion of privacy to me. Not sure if I would call it “abuse” as much as I would call it “fucking weird and disgusting”...

MissAusten's avatar

“There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”

Like @wundayatta said, probably not abuse in and of itself, but not something I’d stand for. Ugh!

It would be fun to mess with the person by eating strange foods or even concocting some very unusual-looking fake poo for the other person to inspect. Then be like, “Oh, so that’s what happens when you eat dog!”

diavolobella's avatar

Imagine if these people had children. They end up with some sort of amazingly weird poop fetish after having their parent inspect their poops their whole life. That’s if they didn’t end up chronically constipated from trying to assert control in some way.

janbb's avatar

I have to say I would run away from that relationship. Person B is a control freak.

cockswain's avatar

One also has to wonder to where this will escalate. It may be some simple observing now, but could evolve into full on poop touching!

perg's avatar

Wasn’t this a subplot on an episode of “House” a few years ago? Guy dating vegetarian girl is busted for eating meat because she becomes concerned that his poop floats.

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