Social Question

HamstarOfFate's avatar

How do you make yourself not like someone?

Asked by HamstarOfFate (67 points ) November 16th, 2010

I have a huge crush on a gay friend. We’re very close and see each other every day. We always hang out at lunch. How do I make myself like him less (but not too much less) without distancing myself from him?

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7 Answers

wundayatta's avatar

Are you male or female? Are you straight or gay? Why do you need to like him less? Is there something wrong with having a crush on him?

Personally, I couldn’t begin to answer your question without answers to these questions, and probably more. Could you please tell more of the story?

HamstarOfFate's avatar

I’m a girl. He (clearly) is a guy. I need to like him less because if it becomes clear to him that I like him it might push him away. Yes there is something wrong with having a crush on him. All theat would do is end up hurting me because he’s gay and therefore would never date me because I’m a girl.

wundayatta's avatar

Aaaaah. Now, with that one simple fact (you’re a girl), the picture snaps into place. Not that I have an answer, but I definitely understand the question.

j/k

You’re doing it already by asking this question. You are doing what you need to do which is to constantly remind yourself that this relationship is never going beyond a friendship. That’s one thing.

The next thing is a bit more difficult. It’s kind of personal. Whenever you have a crush on someone who is unavailable, you probably should ask yourself why this is the case? There could be many explanations. It could be that you are kind of afraid of relationships—maybe because you’ve been burned in the past or because of issues with your parents as you were growing up. Maybe your image of relationships is that they are always disasters. Who knows? Well you do, but I’m not you.

Becoming attached to someone who is unavailable gives you a ready-made excuse for not being in a real relationship. You love someone who is unattainable. Because you love them, you are freed from the task of finding someone who is available. You are stuck on your crush, and that’s that.

It’s just a stab in the dark, but perhaps this resonates a bit?

BarnacleBill's avatar

You will only get hurt if you think that you can magically make him not gay. It’s not so much liking him less, but recognizing that the relationship is not going to end up with you in a wedding dress, or even in bed with this guy.

perspicacious's avatar

Don’t spend as much time with him. You can’t make yourself not like someone; you can control what you do. Distance will help.

GracieT's avatar

I have “gaydar”. Most of the men I am attracted to are, and I even asked my husband if he was before we married. I don’t really know how to or even if you can make yourself not be attracted to someone. Talk to him about how you feel. For most of my gay friends it has been a complement.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Over time, your attraction might lessen – I’m experiencing a similar problem right now.

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