Questions not to ask a future employer?

I would normally say “What’s the severance policy?” as it might get the employer thinking “Wait…is this guy expecting to get fired?” ;-)

But considering the economic times, this might not be such an off-topic question.

So, your wife…...she up for a threesome or what like? :¬)

How long can I take for lunch?

“When am I first eligible for vacation?”
If it’s a salaried position, “Am I required to work overtime?”
“Is drinking allowed on company time?” I had someone ask me this during an interview recently; they said they liked to drink a beer or two during lunch sometimes, and was this okay.
“When can I expect my first promotion?”
“Will I have an office like yours?”

When your company is sued, do you usually settle out of court or do you go to trial?

Do I have to be here exactly at 9 o’clock, or is that just a guideline?

How much sick time is there? Do I have to have a doctor’s note?

Are you guys hung up on the whole drinking on the job thing?

Do you keep an inventory on office supplies?

What’s the in-house sex with co-workers policy? I would really like to boink that copy girl!
She’s your daughter? Tilt!

Do I have to check my firearm at the front gate or can I just carry it with me?

Do you have a problem with bedbugs here?

“Do you like the benefits package here? My last job had xxx and they were awful.”

“Is it a big deal to combine sick days and vacation days because I’ve got xxx planned out for next xxx.”

“Is there really random drug testing after the hire date?”

“Which are the paid holidays here?”

“Do you do casual Fridays here?”

“Do you support telecommuting?”

“Does your company subsidize laptops?”

How do you really feel about sexual harassment?

how about;
Hey you ever play the naughty employee game?
MMMM I can smell you, whats that scent your wearing?
Whew! Who farted?
Do you have a place to get rid of dirty needles?
Can I borrow 5 bucks?
How many smoke breaks do I get? How about crack breaks?

How much do you think I’d like your job?

You don’t really check references, do you?
Is it okay if I bring my dog to work?
Do you have a policy on how often employees have to bathe?
This place is just like Dundler-Mifflin on television, isn’t it?
Is there any monitoring of Internet usage?
Do you mind if I do day trading once in awhile from my desk?

How does your company define “sexual harassment”?

If I drop my pants will you raise my pay?

Is it ok to be intoxicated on the job as long as I can perform?

Exactly how much money can go missing before I lose my job?

Is it ok that I left out that I was a felon on my application just so I could be granted an interview?

And if you want to be a teacher (especially English) you should never ask, “So is classroom spelled with one s or two?” or “Is it ok that I am sexually attracted to young children and animals as long as I don’t act upon it?”

Do you have a cigarette?

@iamthemob LMAO!!! Clever.

@DerangedSpaceMonkey Is it ok that I left out that I was a felon on my application just so I could be granted an interview?

I have actually done this. It was only a misdemeanor, but still.

@FutureMemory LOL. Did you get the job?

Yeah. It was a lame ass page job at the local library. They should have known I wasn’t going to work out when I showed up 30 mins late for the interview. I only lasted a few months there. Minimum wage, 10 hours a week, and I had to wear pants. I live in shorts. Fuck them. Was such a strange cast of characters there. At closing time they would make fun of the homeless people that lingered in front of the entrance after we locked the doors. Lamest place I’ve ever “worked”.

Can my kids play in the parking lot during the day?
You ever heard of Amway?
Can we hold hands and praise the lord before we start?
You want half of this hoagie?

Wow is that your daughter?
Then this must be the MILF?

Can I show you what’s in my pants?

is the safe behind that painting ?