Want to comment on an attempt at a poem?
I’m no poet, but I like to try to write things in my free time. I’ve seen people give and get contructive criticism here and was wondering if I could get some of the action…
I lie on my back and trace with my fingers
The swollen remnants of a sculpted memory
Where once I felt form, now come slow moving waves
Giving in to the motions my hand commands
There’s now that once-known delay when I jump
The jolt gravity delivers once more given twice
…I had been free.
I had been, I lost it
Now trapped I’m swimming in all I’ve reacquired
I’m searching, searching, reaching for shore
Or for air
A break in the surface
A shallowing of the deep
I had it, I felt it
But now buried
It only hides
Please feel free to attack it! : ) I never get critiques so I have no idea how anything I attempt comes off on anyone.
I welcome anything you want to say.