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ShipwrecksInSand's avatar

Does my best friend hate me for telling the truth to him?

Asked by ShipwrecksInSand (173 points ) December 6th, 2010

A couple seconds ago i told about my past and how i smoked weed several times in the previous year. I asked him if he hated my guts and he said “It’s Fine”. I know it’s not “just fine” because the conversation got really awkward after that and he told me he would have rather not have known. Is there anything i could say or do to save our friendship?

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19 Answers

shoebox's avatar

if he’s really your friend then he will come around…. it’s not really something anyone would be happy to share or hear, good you could be honest though…
did you tell him because you’re interested in him? or you guys just good friends?

DancingMind's avatar

If I were truly someone’s best friend, and they just confided in me some past things they’re not too proud of, I wouldn’t hate their guts. Not at all. I might be a little surprised, it might take a little time to digest,—depending on what these things are—but it wouldn’t make me care about them any less.

Now, being the person that just spilled their guts: if my friend seemed to be taking it the wrong way, I’d say something to the effect that it was really hard for me to tell them because I wasn’t completely confident on how they’d take it, but they mean an awful lot to me, and I didn’t want to hide it from them.

I can’t imagine them not understanding. You’re still you, and they still know and care about you.

spykenij's avatar

Ok, so you smoked weed and HE has a problem with it, not you. I understand you may be hurting, so if you can give up sweet Ms. MaryJane – do so. If not, wait on him to come around after you blow it off, like it was no big deal. Yeah, I tried it a few times out of curiousity, but it wasn’t that big of a deal, no harm done, no more weed for you. Honestly, I truly believe every human has the right to put or not to put whatever he/she wants to put in their body. Just because he doesn’t like it, doesn’t mean you have to stop. Just don’t do it around him and don’t talk to him about it. I hold my hand to God and swear – Marijuana is the absolute safest out of alcohol and cigarettes, so whatever you do, it’s ultimately your choice. My own mother told me years ago that she would rather me smoke pot than drink or smoke cigs. Weed never killed anyone…ever.

Nullo's avatar

It’ll mend with time. All things at least scab over.

@spykenij I’d like to see some documentation on that “Weed never killed anyone…ever.”

ShipwrecksInSand's avatar

Thanks guys :D
This is really helping.

iamthemob's avatar

@Nullo – Even though one can never really say ”[X] never killed anyone…ever,” just because it’s always possible that some unknown person somewhere at one point was killed by “X,” if x=marijuana, @spykenij is as close to accurate as that statement can be. For all intents and purposes, marijuana hasn’t killed anyone. FDA reports gathered under the FOIA as of 2009 have revealed that reports covering 1997–2005 show 0 deaths from marijuana, compared with 17 legal FDA-approved drugs (those drugs accounting 10,008 deaths over the same period), and a 2003 reports showed 0 deaths from overdose (which, the report stated, is impossible), short-term or long-term (10-year period) smoking. The report did, however, state that there would probably be long-term negative effects eventually – but in comparison with the effect of pretty much everything else, this all reveals that it’s pretty accurate to say “never killed anyone…ever.”

@ShipwrecksInSand – I don’t know why your friend is acting weird…but let the information settle. I feel like the person is really overreacting…but that all depends on how old you all are.

spykenij's avatar

@Nullo – The information on marijuana never killing anyone is everywhere. Here is a book written to clear up the black propaganda that originally demonized the plant, saying it makes people crazy violent. Read: http://www.amazon.com/Emperor-Wears-Clothes-Authoritative-Historical/dp/1878125028 You can also find that information by asking any of the accredited World Health Organizations. Smoking weed never killed anyone ever.

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Jwtd's avatar

The first time I tried weed was when I had a discussion with my well respected pothead friend, who convinced me that the alcohol we were drinking all the time was doing me more bad than the weed would do in a few times.

Ever since then I did it a couple of times but never repeatedly because it’s not my thing mentally.

I don’t know why your friend is against it but I’m sure they’ll be over it as time passes and they face more important decisions.

Good friends are hard to find, and unless you share some deep truths it’s hard to make a real friend.

jlelandg's avatar

Get him to try some with you next time and he will chill out. If he hates you for telling you the truth then he’s being childish.

BarnacleBill's avatar

He is going to have to come to terms with the fact that no one can change past events in other people’s lives. The decisions that you made in your past affect the person that you are going forward, but just because you did something last year, it doesn’t mean that you are going to do it this year, or next year or in the future.

Where this really sits is that he only has a problem if, you, knowing that smoking weed is a problem for him in a relationship, and you continue doing it, knowing that it bothers him. Then there is an issue. Not that I am particularly religious, but this is where “Judge not lest you be judged” kicks in.

marinelife's avatar

The reality is that you have told him, and now he does know.

All you can do is go forward from here. Don’t bring it up again unless he does. Just be your usual self around him. Give him time to assimilate it.

Then take your cue from his actions.

Ron_C's avatar

Smoking a little weed is hardly a heinous crime. If this guy is your “best” friend then you should probably look into how you select your friends.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Why would he feel weird about this?

wundayatta's avatar

If it’s a mistake, you could tell him you realized it was a mistake and you shouldn’t have done it, and you’ll never do it again. You’ve learned your lesson.

The question is why has he pulled back from you? Is he disappointed? Does he disapprove? If so, why does he disapprove? Is it religious? Is that he’s never done it and can’t imagine any of his friends doing it?

You can only get this information from him, and you can only do something to fix the situation if you get this information. As always, communications is the key to any relationship.

janbb's avatar

I don’t know what value system you and your friend share or how old you are, but if a confession like that is a friendship destroyer, I would question the depth of the friendship.

contactisinferno's avatar

it might have came to him as a big shock when you said that, you probably caught him off guard wait a week or a two and as long as you dont do it anymore he’ll come around dont worry :D

hotgirl67's avatar

I just think he was surprised by what you admitted and didn’t know how to respond at that moment.I think he might become more accepting and realize that you don’t do it anymore.

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