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Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Do many relationships fail because people fail to do their due diligence?

Asked by Hypocrisy_Central (21138 points ) December 8th, 2010

It one of the biggest factors that causes relationships to fail especially marriages is that people did not do their due diligence before coupling up? IMO too many people get lost in the lust or “honeymoon” phase of the relationship and rush to the “next level” too quick. They don’t take time to figure out what day-to-day life will be like with the person they choose. Many times when dating before living with someone you see their best or better foot forward. All the little small things like when is the trash really full? The dishes don’t need to be done until there is at least 7 pieces. Why put the dishes away when you will just be using them again anyhow, so just take them from the dishwasher. I don’t have to wash it I just jogged around the block and didn’t get it sweaty, I can get 2 more jogs out of it, etc, heap all that on top of the larger things like income and money, driving habits, communication and you have a recipe for disaster. When people buy a vehicle they do more inspecting than many do when getting or choosing a mate. Do people feel it is petty or in poor taste to get nit picky about the details when things look to get serious?

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9 Answers

cookieman's avatar

Yes, that is one scenario. I knew a couple who divorced because one wanted children and the other didn’t. In the two years they dated, they never discussed it. I found this astounding.

That being said, there’s lots if other reasons for relationship failure. I’m not sure lack of due diligence is #1.

BoBo1946's avatar

Yes. Having said that, seems to me, that now days people get divorces like “it’s no big deal!” Couples have conflicits or hardtimes, ok…get a divorce. The worn out cliche applies, “the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence!” Unfortunately, life is the same on both sides of the fence. It’s not easy. We are talking about normal stuff here. (Not abuse, infidelity, etc.) There are some very valid reason for getting a divorce, but seems to me, people give up too easy now days.

misstrikcy's avatar

Communication I think is a huge factor in the breakdown of relationships.
No one ever teaches us how to talk effectively with each other, yet I see this as a core lifeskill in all areas of our lives, especially so in our realtionships.

partyparty's avatar

People give up far to easily these days. The marriage certificate appears to be ‘just a piece of paper’.
The ‘for better, for worse’ vows don’t seem to matter any more, and as soon as there are bad times, couples divorce insteady of trying to work things out. Life isn’t perfect and it never will be.
Once upon a time marriage was for life, not these days.
there are always exceptions of course

Coloma's avatar

I have seen this time and again, infact, I know 3 couples right now that, even at the tender ages of 50 something are still behaving like lovestruck teens.

Crazy 8 week online relationship with one that culminated in moving in together after only ONE meeting and, it was a long distance thing between two different states! It has been 2 years and they just got married last week…who knows, but too crazy for me! lol

Another was an affair that culminated in a divorce and those two have been together 2 years now and just moved in together a few months ago.

The 3rd is an old friend that actually bought a house with her boyfriend and then realized they were not compatible and broke up, and it was a disaster trying to get her money back from the boyfriend in this housing market.

I agree 100% that while there are no gaurantees I wouldn’t even consider any of these scenarios to be something I’d want to be a part of.

The average ‘honeymoon’ phase can last anywhere from about 18 mos. to 2–3 years, I wouldn’t even consider taking that step until I knew someone for a MINIMUM of 3–5 years, MINIMUM! haha

I was married for 21 years, divorced for 8 and the thought of trying to blend my space with another again is not something I aspire to!

My ‘ideal’ relationship is 20 acres, two houses and a picnic table in the middle! lol

picante's avatar

I speak from a position of 37 years of marriage—and believe me, I’ve wanted to throw in the towel a number of time along the way. My husband and I dated for six years prior to getting married, though we never lived together.

I think a lack of due diligence is part of it, but human relationships are very complex and subject to a great deal of ebb and flow for many reasons, some of which can’t be predicted. People change over time, so even when the most diligent due diligence has been excercised, a situation might warrant a change of plans.

Marriage, like many things these days, does seem to be disposable—alas.

Though not a guarantee of success, these factors might contribute to a lenghtly marriage: due diligence, genuine respect for ther other person, an ability to weather hardships, a strong sense of humor, a dedication to task, and a real desire to end as you began, with love.

mattbrowne's avatar

No, the exact opposite. They fail because of too much due diligence and the expectation to find perfection.

Yetanotheruser's avatar

@picante _ and a real desire to end as you began, with love_

Add to that the willingness (borne from love) to work at making it work…each and every day.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

^^ They fail because of too much due diligence and the expectation to find perfection.
Elucidate, how could learning too much doom a relationship, or do you mean something different than that?

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