Can you have a real, solid, healthy relationship if you only care about someone for something in return?

I have never accepted anything free from another person, except my wife. the other person will always have a motive for what they do for you. my wife and i do not think this way. its us against the world. things we do for each other is out of love, not some expectation for a bigger moment of return.

I cannot say this for the rest of the world.

I have found if you expect anything you are going to be disappointed. I do however expect the unexpected and for that, I always have a camera with me!! ;)

No, you cannot have a real, solid relationship if you are only doing it for what you can get.

On the other hand, you can have a relationship. People do (gold diggers) all the time.

I would say it is more of an arrangement of conveinence than true love.

It is very important to do whatever you do because you genuinely WANT to.

Anything else is manipulative, contrived and/or intended as a means to an end.

I am big on always examining my intentions and motives and refuse to ‘use’ anyone for my own selfish desires.

This even applies to friendships where I will ask myself ” Do you REALLY want to talk with so & so right now, OR, are you simply bored?”

If I sincerely do not want to speak with a friend because I am interested in whats going on with them I refrain from the impulse to call just to satisfy a pang of boredom or lonliness.

Anything less is duplicitious conduct and lacks authenticity.

If we do something nice for someone without expecting anything back, the world becomes a nicer place.

Well, if you love someone and you give and give selflessly, and you never get anything back, will you continue to give forever, because you love the person?

If the answer to that question is no, then you are in the relationship for what you can get. You are, in @marinelife‘s words, a gold digger.

I’m sorry. There’s nothing wrong with exchange. I don’t believe for a second that anyone would stay in a relationship forever if they never got anything from their beloved. Love is a mutual thing, not one-sided. If it becomes one-sided, then most people will leave it, unless there is a really good reason for it to be that way. But even if someone is sick, they might have a kind word from time to time. Some don’t, of course, and yet their beloved still cares for them in memory of all the good times—where they were getting something from the other person.

I refuse to believe that people will continue to give people something without expecting anything back if they get nothing back, ever. I don’t know anyone like that, and I’ve never heard of anything like that, so my opinion is that everyone is involved in relationships because they get something back.

I have no problem with this. It is how we express our love for each other. We give and they give and we give and they give and it is mutually reinforcing. If it stops, and one person does all the giving and the other does all the taking, then what is in it for the giver? In most cases where I have seen that happening, the giver gets very unhappy. The taker doesn’t care; he is getting what he wants anyway.

Relationships are about exchange. They are about conversations and activities done together and building lives together and all of that involves exchange. If someone stops holding up their end of the deal, the relationship dies.

Not only can you have a relationship with someone if you care about something in return, you must care about having something in return, or there is no exchange. There is no relationship.

If you want something more than you want the other person you can never have the relationship you are asking for.

For relationships to work people have to be selfless sometimes, not just selfish all the time. So no, not really. Eventually people get tired of being the one giving first all the time.

Well, I was going to answer this question, but @wundayatta answered exactly as I would have!

There is no such thing as a one way relationship, with the possible exception of loving a baby.

It is possible to love someone who is no longer with you, and that is bound to be one way, though not a relationship.

@YARNLADY

I agree.
We should all aspire to ‘unconditional’ love, but, rarely, beyond infancy and pet ownership is it attainable unless you are one of the handful of truly enlightened people on the planet.

‘Unconditional’ also, does not mean putting up with mistreatment or unsatisfying and imbalanced relationships nor being a martyr.

What it REALLY means is, simply, to recognize the value of the person, beyond your likes and dislikes, differences, frustrations, ego clashes.

Even as you send them packing! lol

If you keep giving and not appriciated, relationship will fall apart. If your needs are not met, it will fall apart. We must communicate for what we need and want in a relationship for it to work. Both has to learn how to compromise.