This question is a big taboo. I’d say mainly because of the fear that one could discover in its pursuit that he or she may demonstrate “signs” of paedophilia. Almost as if we were homophobes talking about homosexuality. Thankfully even homophobes have found ways to talk about homosexuality.
Regarding your position that all are born good. I share a similar position. All are born with the circuitry enabling them to do good for themselves and others (actions that increase survivability and well-being), but also the opposite. Genetic pre-dispositions come into play, but depending on the dimension we’re looking at, maybe more or less. The environment has a big influence as well. (First through epigenetics, affecting gene expression – and then through the actual upbringing and influences).
Could there be a strong genetic pre-disposition for paedophilia and similar behaviors? Hard to say, considering the cultural differences that exist. In certain tribes, of Africa, Asia, and L.America it’s considered normal for pre-teens to be married away to adults. There doesn’t seem to be anything stopping them there (biologically speaking). On the contrary, our biology prepares us to have sex pretty early. Young girls as early as 10 are ready to have kids, and some do (especially in the above cultural norms). Recently there was a story in the news of a 10-year old girl with an 11-year old boyfriend having a child. I don’t know if the pregnancy was interrupted or not (I’d prefer if she had an abortion, but that’s a north/western norm). Our biological ancestors don’t care—so long the individual is sexually capable he/she will assume the role and action (depending on male dominance patterns etc).
So, kids can be sexually active and capable early on, should they? Normal development is integrated with sexuality. Unless a parent intervenes, children will explore themselves and come into sexual rehearsal through their natural play. Which is fine. Humans like sex, kids are no different. I remember my hands down my pants, so long I can remember! (hehe). That’s not the issue. The issue arises from consent, and the ability to know what something entails. Children model sexuality in their play, but up to certain ages that’s all they want. Studies have so far shown that children left to their own devices develop a “normal” sexuality—in terms of no intimacy issues, finding partners, and pursuing a reasonable amount of experiences. We want out children to be able to be happy right? Sexuality is a core part of being human.
So, to the rest your questions post the introduction(s). What is the psych? What made a person this way?—I would say, what made us this way? The norm of holding out until much later in life, or not allowing relationships with bigger age gaps. A more accepted norm, and I belong to that to—is that of consenting adults being able to do as they wish. So let’s start off with that. You can have pretty much any age gap. My personal experiences have been with so far -5 to +25 years of difference in my partners (And I’m 25 years old). I’ve heard a lot of stories and stats that resemble the same. Although it’s far more accepted for women to seek older partners, than the opposite. A bit of double standards there.
Now, why am I adding yet another introduction? Because it’s not too clear when one is an adult. The teenage years are a mix. So then, what would be the appropriate age difference there? Does it matter as age, or as pure consent? This comes down to pure legislation in many countries. My position is that after 12 years of age, a child may (but not necessarily) know enough to make a decision as to their consent. I’m using my own experience – I was able to travel by myself by 9. I left home by 16 and went around Europe. In good terms with my parents, they just knew I was very mature. This can’t apply to every case, so I’d take it on a case by case basis. Anyway – the point is, say a 13 year old may want to be with a 18+ year old, what do you do? Do you tell him/her that it’s not ok? Do you tell her that it’s not ok? Since it’s considered a blessing for a boy (and it is… in my memory haha). Granted, the female physiology is different – but then maybe we could focus on making rules about non-penetrative play or some such detailed approach.
To iterate and add to this. My position is, let preteens and teens be judged by their maturity, and be given chances to try and learn. Some cultures even in north/west have such rites of passage with more freedom. Adulthood does not happen overnight. I would leave smaller children to themselves, because of their usual inability (and I say that with caution) – to really demonstrate consent.
Now that we have some rules—in some basic order. How about the age gap with younger members? Completely unacceptable in north/western societies (but not all again, use the above examples). It’s a strong normative difference however, that often scares us due to its strength.
Could it be that children of younger ages portray themselves in ways that take on “adult norms”? Yes, I think that is somewhat apparent—due to shows/media and direct modeling of their parents or older siblings. It has a good chance of confusing what people look in their partners, especially for males. Looking for “redness”, formation of fatty deposits (hehe, bottoms and bosoms)—and similar signs of sexual maturity. Sometimes they can be there without the sexual maturity. This does not excuse the confusion, well again depends on the age range of the child. One couldn’t really say “she looked 18” with an 11-year old—- but some biological signs can be there, either due to say milk hormones, or her picking up make-up habits.
What I’m basically saying is that, let’s flip this on its head and look at it from another direction. Pretend we were 200,000 years back. You’re likely to see acts of incest, paedophilia and tribal-sex, sharing of kids (taking care of them as a tribal society). So from this as a starting point, what has changed so much to lead to the current establishment? Without considering which is the most beneficial. I too belong to the current norm, more or less. But I’m not afraid to look in the dark corners.
Paedophiles have to fight against the social norms or ignore them (in our north/west cultures), in some cases (much younger children) they have to fight against biology (sexual maturity signs). To go ahead and enter into “sexual play” with children. As mentioned above, small children only really want to explore themselves and rehearse, not really into the full play as older kids are. In any case, this goes into a gradient – going from monster (babies to young preteens), deviant (older preteens to young teens), “law-breaker” (mid-teens to barely legal).
Why? I tried to cover a lot of background so you can make conclusions or add more background. This is a difficult question and due to the taboo it doesn’t get too much deeper examinations. As @jerv pointed out, often it’s not about sex but about power. A larger and more powerful individual can will his way instead of a cooperative play. So it’s a power-play really, and it is that and the ensuing helplessness that are most damaging to the children. I know from personal experience, I was abused around the ages of 7 yo 8, it’s not exactly clear to me. I didn’t really mind the sexual attention personally, but the coercion and lack of control is pretty damaging and leads to very hard to overcome self esteem issues (ironically a lot of which arise from the later societal misconceptions and lack of proper support).
Having been a victim, and seeing the situation from different sides. I say that we’re to lose much more from cutting off adult-children interactions (not sexual, just care/learning/loving) from our societies than pursuing different ways of safeguarding children from abuses – and also of this type. I think it’s wonderful and important for adults to be able to interact with youngsters, ask questions, answer questions, encourage – play with. Western societies that are delved in fear of abuse, enter into a different kind of abuse through impoverished relations. But this is a different question in itself. How do we ensure that there are quality interactions between adults and children—that enrich their lives and personalities, while maintaining a low to none probability of abuse?
I should probably summarize and edit this response—but just going to post it for now. There’s still plenty of questions to answer and many that will arise.
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