General Question

The_Inquisitor's avatar

How to get my lazy brother to stop being "sick" all the time?

Asked by The_Inquisitor (3146 points ) December 12th, 2010

Okay, my younger brother is about 13 years old, he always seems to have some kind of “ill” feeling when he has to go to Kung fu. He hasn’t been there for awhile, and my sister and I both know that it’s because he’s lazy.

He’s able to go to his friend’s house and do whatever, but after he comes home, he suddenly feels “sick” with a “horrible feeling in [his] stomach”.

Or, when I am about to go work out somewhere, he’ll want to tag along, I’m fine with that—but then after, when he has to do some sort of homework, or go to school, he is now suddenly too “tired” or has a “sore throat” and cannot go.

There are more examples, but those are the ones I could think of that just happened in the past two days.

Anytime there’s something he wants to do, he’ll go even if he feels ill, but when he’s lazy, and doesn’t want to attend his Kung fu class, or school, there’ll be an excuse and he’ll just stay home playing rpg and online games. =|

Is there a way to stop his laziness? How would you go about doing this?

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22 Answers

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

This is a problem for your parents, not you.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

He sounds like a gamer junkie who can’t be away from his games too long without needing that “plugged in” feeling… kinda like us on Fluther :) I know adult co workers who rush home and get online to play live against each other all night long. They think letting their kids watch them play is having family time and they also think their partners welcome some alone time to “do their own thing”.

Seaofclouds's avatar

It sounds more like just not wanting to do those things than laziness. I agree with @papayalily that it is something your parents need to address, not you. If they allow him to continue with that behavior, he has no reason to stop it since he is getting away with it.

The_Inquisitor's avatar

@papayalily; how VERY helpful you are..

@Neizvestnaya; Lol

@Seaofclouds; Yes, I suppose he doesn’t want to do it.. but then again, when we threaten to take him out of that class, he is very against it. I know he loves being a part of that class, but getting him there takes effort. And I don’t believe that this is a problem just for my parents. I, as his older sister, should have some power over him. Also I don’t like how he is wasting my parent’s money >_<... And if this is indeed my parents problem, their problem is also my problem.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@curiouscat I don’t mean to be unhelpful. I tried to parent my sister for years. Turns out, unless you’re a parent, you have no power over them, nor do they have any reason to listen to you. Siblings have no power over each other, and they don’t have a say in how the other is raised. If your parents are ok, then you need to find a way to be ok, too.

The_Inquisitor's avatar

@papayalily; ah, I see your reasoning. Well, maybe it was how I was raised, I’m not sure, maybe it’s more part of my culture.. My mom does leave me some power over my brother. I am the responsible one and am left in charge of my brother at times. Usually he does listen to me as well. (I’m not really even sure if that made sense.. ) But, anyways, I am just trying to help.. It’s somewhat hard to explain, but I listen to my older sister…

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@curiouscat Yeah, but babysitting is really different. You’re just making sure they don’t burn the house down (and maybe eat ok and go to bed on time). But laziness is a much larger issue.

Blueroses's avatar

13 yr old boys are the biggest pains in the butt. Always testing boundaries (and they smell funny too). But you sound like a good sister and it seems that he likes spending time with you. Is there something in particular that he would want to “tag along” with you to do? Maybe a little positive reinforcement, like “If you do everything you’re supposed to do this week with no excuses, on Saturday I will do ____ with you.”?

Seaofclouds's avatar

@curiouscat If you really feel it is your place to get involved in it, try talking to him about it. Ask him why he doesn’t want to go when he doesn’t want to quit either. Honestly though, I really agree with @papayalily that siblings should not try to cross over into the parenting role. It can cause more problems between you and your brother in the long run. I use to be in charge of my brother when we were home alone as well, but my increased responsibilities (as far as being in charge) ended the moment my parents came home. I really disagree that you should have power over him, beyond what role you plan when you are the one watching him when it’s just the two of you. You are his sister, not his parent or any other authority figure (just being honest).

If your parents really have a problem with him wasting their money, they need to put their foot down and just tell him he either goes to class or they take him out of it, plain and simple. I understand your concern about him wasting their money, but in my opinion, children should not be involved in the parents financial issues. I was as a teenager because I had to help pay our mortgage due to financial issues and I resented my parents for it for some time. It’s not a child’s responsibility or place to worry about how their parents spend their money. If you parents are comfortable spending the money on him, then the issue is between them and him, not you.

I’m curious, @curiouscat, how old are you? You mention that your brother is 13 and that you listen to your older sister, but how old are you and your older sister? Is your brother the youngest child?

asmonet's avatar

Dude, he’s thirteen.

How motivated were you at that age? Give him a break.

It’s just Kung Fu, maybe he feels obligated to go and doesn’t want to quit and let someone down. Maybe someone there is making him uncomfortable. Maybe he doesn’t understand the material and so avoids his schoolwork. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

You can tell your parents you’re worried but beyond that you’ll have little effect other than being a good example, you’re only going to drive everyone crazy by trying to be a parent.

The_Inquisitor's avatar

Oh darn, I just deleted my post… here I go again.. you guys must’ve thought I had something really awesome to say.. lol

@asmonet; alright, geez, sorry for bringing up a topic because I was procrastinating Well, it isn’t really just Kung fu. His attitude towards lots of other things as well, such as school. But hey, yeah, sure, I’m not exactly up his ass about it either. I was just wondering if there was anything I could do to up his motivation. And he does tell me about what goes on in Kung fu, as I used to be in it as well, and know everyone.
How into it was I? Hmm, he misses a lot of school when he’s “sick” and stays home to play games. He’s got it easier because he’s the youngest. His views and my views seem to be completely different though. Nothing really wrong with that. I valued school, hated missing it, whereas he, whenever slightly ill, will stay home to play games. I never missed any of my classes, for whatever I was enrolled in, whether it be piano, piano theory, swimming, or kung fu.

@papayalily; It’s not only from the absence of my parents that I am put in charge.

@Seaofclouds; thanks for the input, umm, I’m 18. And yes, this brother is the youngest child, my sister is a few years older than I. My parents have said that he was wasting their money before. And yes, I try not to worry about their income, but I can’t help it. I also feel that I should be the one paying for my own education. I try to help out, whenever I can, where ever I can. Hmmm, what did I write before I deleted my post by accident?..
Ummm, yes well, here is a blurb I found that seems to relate to me.—>

“Age and sex are major determinants of sibling status in most parts of the world. An ancient Confucian code for family socialization in Chinese society was as follows: ‘Fathers should be kind to their children, and sons should be obedient to their parents, and older brothers should love their younger siblings, and younger brothers should respect their older ones.’ Younger brothers and sisters were expected to obey and respect their older siblings, particularly the big brother, as if he were in the parental position.”

Anyways, I never really expect people to understand, but hey, I try. I’m going to stop procrastinating now, as I do have a very important final tomorrow. Bye for now, and thanks for the comments!

Seaofclouds's avatar

@curiouscat I understand what you are saying about your cultural beliefs, but you also have to look at things from your brother’s perspective. He’s 13. He’s probably going through puberty and might not have anyone he feels comfortable talking to about it. I highly doubt he wants to talk to his sisters about it and he may not be comfortable talking to your parents either. If he is staying home just to play video games, obviously your parents are allowing this. That is something they need to stop doing if they are concerned about it. I understand your concern for your younger brother, but I think you still have to understand that he’s not you or your sister. Sure, he probably gets away with more because he is the “baby” of the family, but that is something your parents are doing and allowing and unless they are willing to do something to change it, it’s not going to change.

If they believe he is wasting their money, it’s their job to stop it. I really do understand your concern, I just feel that perhaps you need to address it with them instead of with him so that they can gain control of the situation.

Good luck on your exam.

The_Inquisitor's avatar

@Seaofclouds; GA =D. I will bring this up to my parents.
and thanks! I’ll really get off fluther now… hahah

meiosis's avatar

” I, as his older sister, should have some power over him”

As the youngest of three, I feel exceptionally sorry for your brother. Why on earth should you have power over him? Parental responsibility is not something that should be delegated to siblings.

The_Inquisitor's avatar

@meiosis; well, alright then… I would answer your question, but there is no point in trying. Everyone has their own beliefs and no matter how much I explain, you will probably not understand, or not care, or not change your mind. It’s just also weird, because I never knew that western cultures do not have sibling status as some determinants. As, I thought, living in Canada, and raised in Canada, I had a lot of insight into it, but I guess I still don’t understand a lot of things. I’m sorry that you feel this way, but if you do feel sorry for my brother, don’t, because you don’t know me, or him..

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@curiouscat Maybe you should sit down with your parents and ask them exactly what responsibility you have for him, what control, ect. It might help for you to know exactly what your parents want from you in that regards.

meiosis's avatar

@curiouscat It’s because I, as the youngest of three, suffered from my older sibling’s power lust that I feel sorry for your brother. It’s quite common here in England for older siblings to expect to have status advantages. It’s just monstrously unfair on the youngest – adults can be expected to exercise their power reasonably sensibly – teenagers, with all due respect to you, cannot.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@meiosis Do they actually have status advantages, or do they just expect to?

meiosis's avatar

@papayalily No, my parents wouldn’t have expected me to defer to my siblings merely because they were older than me. It didn’t stop my siblings’ assumption that I should, however. And they were exceptionally capricious in the application of their ‘rules’, as is to be expected from children.

The_Inquisitor's avatar

@meiosis; I see, well, it’s not anything like that really. My brother respects me, we’re more friends than anything. He does take my suggestions into high consideration though. I do not force him to do anything, and I do not boss him around.

lonelydragon's avatar

A lot of times, laziness is a mask for insecurity. Maybe he’s having social problems in school and in kung fu class, in which case he’ll malinger to avoid the unpleasant environment. Also, he may have trouble understanding his homework, but he just doesn’t want to admit it. Encourage your parents to ask a teacher about his performance and social behaviors in class. S/he may be able to provide some insight. Then he can get counseling or tutoring, depending on what he needs.

If the problem really is just a lack of motivation and nothing else, you can try to encourage him, but it’s really your parents’ responsibility to discipline him.

The_Inquisitor's avatar

@lonelydragon; thanks for the suggestion. But I’m fairly close with my brother, and he tells me everything. His teacher says he has a knack to be a leader, and is very mischievous and loud. He is also an A, and B student.

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