Social Question

wundayatta's avatar

Women, would you have a long term relationship with a bisexual man or would bisexuality be a "red flag" for you?

Asked by wundayatta (58321 points ) December 14th, 2010

If bisexuality is a “red flag” for you, why is it?

I was speaking to a friend who said she wouldn’t get involved with a bisexual man. I asked her why not, and she couldn’t give me a satisfying answer. What say you?

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40 Answers

Carly's avatar

I’m fine with it. Maybe some people feel that there’s twice as much of a chance that that person would cheat?

I’m bi and I don’t think so about me. ..

chyna's avatar

Probably not. I had this long thing wrote out about how it would be hard enough to worry about him cheating with another female, blah blah, but @Carly beat me to it.

christine215's avatar

It’s not a red flag to me, but I feel like the gender of who you may have dated before me is irrelevant. If you’re choosing to be with ME, then I am who you are attracted to at this time, and if things work out, GREAT< if they don’t, then it wasn’t meant to be and it has nothing to do with whether or not I sometimes date chicks or you sometimes date dudes.

Red flags are things like: clingy, controlling, overly groomed facial hair, wearing Ed Hardy, drinks too much, no job – no prospect of GETTING a job, constantly talks about the ex…

Smashley's avatar

I think my ex-girlfriend was extraordinarily uncomfortable with the idea because she had some image issues. She already gave me a hard time for having female friends, and I think if she’d had to accept that I could be attracted to males as well, she’d have freaked out every time I left the house. She knew, but I’m pretty sure she repressed it pretty well.

Luckily they aren’t all like that. The new girlfriend thinks it’s pretty hot, which makes a world of difference for me, emotionally.

From my limited experience, it has to do with one’s self confidence. If you are the kind of person who is uncomfortable with your partner around members of the gender they are attracted to, dating someone who is bisexual is only going to make your life that much more stressful. Not that these are good excuses…

perspicacious's avatar

If I were in a committed relationship, yes. His bisexuality would not be a ticket to cheat.

SamIAm's avatar

I have NOTHING against L,G,B,T… but I just couldn’t date a guy who was into guys. It’s a huge turn off for me (just as smokers, and guys who are shorter than me are).

tedd's avatar

My most recent X had specified she wouldn’t be with someone who also liked men or had been with them in the past. Never really dug to see what the problem was.

As far as myself, I would almost see it as a plus.

deliasdancemom's avatar

Not if it was open and in the forefront and we settled on an open relationship

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

From the opposite perspective, hetero man, I wouldn’t have any trouble with a bisexual woman. Its the committment to the relationship that’s important if it’s going to be exclusive.

Vunessuh's avatar

I really get annoyed at the idea that people think that bisexuals have a greater chance of cheating and are more promiscuous just because they are attracted to both sexes rather than just one. A bisexual doesn’t cheat because they’re a bisexual. A bisexual cheats because they’re a cheater. The same for heterosexuals. Bisexuals can be in committed, monogamous relationships just like anyone else can.
I personally think that if you think you have more to worry about because of someone’s sexual orientation, it is a reflection on your own insecurities and has nothing to do with the other person, unless they have already revealed themselves to be unfaithful.
Just remember, they aren’t unfaithful because they’re bisexual.

To answer your question, as long as the relationship is monogamous I would be more than fine with it.

perspicacious's avatar

@Vunessuh I didn’t intend to implicate that bisexuals are more inclined to cheat. But literature and movies (which I admit is not a reliable source of information) would have you think that cheating might be more accepted since the spouse may not be able to provide for total sexual satisfaction. What do I know?

whitenoise's avatar

Although not a woman, I can imagine that an active bisexual lifestyle implies infidelity, since you can never be two genders to your partner.

So a dormant longing to engage in bisexuality may be a red flag from that perspective.

Vunessuh's avatar

@perspicacious No, no, I didn’t take issue with your answer at all. Your answer just reinforced my point – bisexuals can be in monogamous, committed relationships and the chances of them cheating aren’t increased by default just because they’re bisexual. :]

HearTheSilence's avatar

I’d be fine with it, hell I’d even encourage bringing in another bisexual guy for some bedroom gymnastics. I do think I wouldn’t be able to marry a man that’s bisexual, though. I’d have a difficult time being able to tell if he’s just hanging out with his buddies or if he misses being with a man that he’s “hanging out with his buddies.”

christine215's avatar

I find it curious that some of us immediately jump to the monogamous relationship scenario and others have jumped to the multiple partner scenario, when @wundayatta never specified either scenario

bkcunningham's avatar

My husband says he’s a lesbian trapped in a man’s body. Does that count?

whitenoise's avatar

@christine215 I don’t know whether you referred to me, but….

No judgments were implied, just that from my experience many people look for a monogamous relationship. Personally I find bisexuality neither unacceptable nor illogical.

christine215's avatar

@whitenoise I wasn’t referring to anyone in particular, I was just reading through responses and found it interesting that some of us saw the question in one way and others another… it’s not a judgement, just an observation and I’m wondering myself why would we assume one way or another…

(things that make you go hmmmm)

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@christine215 If it’s an open relationship what difference would it make? The guy can only sleep with other women? That’s why I said if it’s exclusive. Not judging, just explaining my thinking.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Yes. I would find his sexuality attractive.

christine215's avatar

I would think that it makes no difference either way, @Adirondackwannabe… I’m admittedly kind of a selfish bitch and I don’t know that I would be able to share my mate with anyone…but if it were an open relationship, no it still wouldn’t matter.

If my mate and I had an understanding and commitment to one another that encounters with other people aren’t going to ruin our relationship, and if the relationship feels like it’s going south, that we’d be honest about it with one another, then what is the difference if my mate likes guys?

Long Term Relationship to me just reads monogamy, but I’m old… so that’s where my mind jumps.

Seelix's avatar

I’d like to say I’d have no problem with it. I really would. But something about the idea of my lover being into guys doesn’t do it for me, like @Samantha_Rae said.

I have no problem with any kind of sexuality; I don’t care who anyone wants to get it on with; I guess I just want whoever’s getting it on with me to be heterosexual, like I am. Is that wrong? Closed-minded? If it is, I’m sorry that some people see it that way. I don’t intend to offend anyone.

Seaofclouds's avatar

I wouldn’t have any problem with it. If someone enters into a committed monogamous relationship, I expect them to be faithful. If they decided to cheat, it would be an issue whether it was with a man or a woman. I wouldn’t worry any more than I already do about my partner cheating because if I didn’t have trust and faith in the person I was with, I wouldn’t be with them. Being bisexual doesn’t mean they are attracted to everyone that crosses their path, just as every straight person is attracted to everyone of the opposite sex that crosses their path.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

It’s a matter of committment rather than attraction. If my guy wanted to committ to me then I’d be fine, I’ve been in this type of relationship before.

Seaofclouds's avatar

Shoot, I just realized “just as every straight person is attracted to everyone of the opposite sex that crosses their path” is suppose to say ” just as every straight person isn’t attracted to everyone of the opposite sex that crosses their path”. Sorry, that makes a big difference in what I was saying.

Brian1946's avatar

It seems to me that this could also be an issue for hetero men, gays, and lesbians.

In some ways it could serve to bring a couple closer together.
E.g., what if a couple both found the same person attractive?

ladyv900's avatar

Um, not to be really be mean and be dark but just in case we have intercourse, I wouldn’t really want his “thing” in me where that “thing” was inside of some other dude’s poopy booty.Sorry, I really can’t find myself with one,especially as a father, it feels wierd to me and he might not get attracted or even physical towards me as time may go by and bragging about men 24/7. Just my opinion. It may work and not really a problem for other people but just not for me even though I have nothing against homosexuals nor bi-sexuals.

Smashley's avatar

@ladyv900 A partner who isn’t attracted to you, or doesn’t fulfill you physically, or who talks incessantly about the other people he’s slept with, isn’t a great model for a relationship no matter the gender of either partner or their preferences.

Seaofclouds's avatar

@ladyv900 Are you also concerned if he has had his “thing” is some nasty vagina? I’d personally worry more about him having a disease than knowing where exactly his “thing” has been. Besides, it could have been in a girl’s ass too.

Haleth's avatar

I’m bi and have dated all kinds of people, including a bisexual guy. He was so open-minded and comfortable with his sexuality. I’d see it as a bonus.

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

I’m male, but I’ll answer anyway.
I wouldn’t be likely to have a relationship with a bisexual girl. That is not because, as some people seem to think, she would be loose or immoral, just that sexuality isn’t an issue in my daily life, so it would be that much harder to relate to someone who has to combat an unfavourable status quo every day. The life of a bisexual is quite foreign to me, because I am a heterosexual, and therefore am in the majority, so I don’t focus any time or energy into thinking about sexuality.

Leanne1986's avatar

I’m bisexual and my boyfriend is fine with that. He trusts me and knows that just because I am attracted to both males and females, I love him. I’m sure I would feel the same if the tables were turned.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Leanne1986 Is he ok if you have a fling with another woman or is it exclusive?

Leanne1986's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe It’s exclusive. I have no desire to be with anyone else at this time.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Leanne1986 Thanks for your answer. I think society is more excepting of the girl girl relationship or bisexuality, but I don’t really know why.

Leanne1986's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe It does seem that way. My boyfriend has joked that he finds me being with another girl a turn on but he has also admitted that he would also feel insecure and jealous.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Leanne1986 A lot of guys have that fantasy, of two girls, but if they thought it through to maybe you’d fall in love with the other girl, it might slow them down. A fling, with no real attachment is what they’re considering I think.

ladyv900's avatar

That’s what I meant too, “diseases”.That goes for other females too physically.This question was talking about a bi-sexual man so I only stated it that way.I just wanted give an honest opinion but hey, I don’t believe in relationship,marriage nor love anyway.No such thing to me.Like I said before, it may work for other people but not me.

Symbeline's avatar

Sure I would, in fact I wouldn’t even think about it twice if something was really going on with us.

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