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Mista_Reflexivity's avatar

Why do women say "I won't judge you"?

Asked by Mista_Reflexivity (241 points ) December 23rd, 2010

I’ve had many women, but never a man say this to me. It usually comes out jokingly or when they have differing opinions.

I heard Cage say, “She said she wouldn’t judge me then a gavel fell from her purse,” which made me realize that they don’t really mean it when the say it, so what’s the point… or what does it mean. I never say it because I don’t judge others.

It annoys me because I’m bohemian and don’t judge others, and when somebody says this they’re obviously judging you.

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14 Answers

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

If I say it, I mean it. When I’ve told someone it’s safe to tell me something very personal and I’ve told them I won’t judge them, I have not gone back on my word.

diavolobella's avatar

I only know one person who says this and it immediately prefaces a judgmental remark. I’ve often thought she needs this:

http://tinyurl.com/29ctkpm

As for why she says it when she doesn’t mean it, well, I think she knows she’s judging you, knows you know it, but expects because she’s being “funny” about it, you are supposed to give her a pass.

Symbeline's avatar

The last thing you said makes complete sense, about how judgment is made when the otherwise is claimed. However, everybody judges, Bohemians, too. Ethnics and the battle of the sexes would not exist if people didn’t judge others.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Why do men say “I love you” when they don’t mean it? They only say it because they want sex, right? It annoys me because I don’t do that to others, but when a man says this, he’s obviously lying.

Before I get any flack over this, I was only asking tongue in cheek, because of the obvious sexist tones in the original question.

Mista_Reflexivity's avatar

I never tell women “I love you” as I’m not and will probably never get married. I only say this to my mother and father. I call women as I see them, and I see every women I get close to as “beautiful” and they seem content with that. I follow the “Policy of Truth” as Depeche Mode calls it. I don’t judge anybody; I understand that people are extremely complex and leave it at as that. I’m very methodological and innately form my opinions through the scientific method.

I don’t know why, but innocent and/or immature/ignorant women like to get close to me; it’s hard to tell the difference between innocence and ignorance. Anyway, a fun and frequent thing amongst the immature these days seems to be throwing around the idea that somebody might be gay. What compels a women to tell an extremely heterosexual man who greatly loves the female form that he may be gay and adding “it’s ok, I won’t judge you” baffles me, especially when she likes said person. It’s a :| bomb.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I just feel the need to instantly argue with any statement made to apply to an entire group of people. “Men say this, women say that… blah blah.” It is rarely true. I feel the same applies here. It may be a perception that you have, but I doubt that it actually applies to any sort of big picture.
Everyone judges everyone else. It’s in our nature, it’s instinctive. Not all of these judgments are negative, of course.
How old are these “women” you’re talking about?

Mista_Reflexivity's avatar

They’re in their early 20s. Yeah… I’m not a majority. I don’t walk around like I’m a unique and beautiful snowflake, but if people who knew me through everyday life were asked if I’m a grain of rice(average, common), unique and beautiful snowflake or a black hole, they’d probably categorize me as a unique and beautiful snowflake. I try to nullify as many bad primate urges/behaviors as I find useful to better myself and reach my goals. Not judging people and respecting/liking/understanding everyone unless they mean you harm is a part of that.

I don’t mean this in a men say this and women say that sort of way. I’m asking why women do this as opposed to humans as general, as I could care less why a man would say such a thing as they have never done so around me, and I would instantly tell said man that I don’t care what he nor anybody else thinks about me, so he can judge me all he wants. Whereas I know better than to scold an immature woman making gay jokes.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

@Mista_Reflexivity Dude… What? Really? I’m glad you’re a deep thinker, ‘cause you need to do more of it….....

“Bad primate urges”? Those are how you exist. “Why women do this as opposed to humans as general…” Have you met most women? Most people?

“What compels a women to tell an extremely heterosexual man who greatly loves the female form that he may be gay…” What the hell are you even talking about here? I’m truly baffled and I can’t figure it out. Why would an abundance of women tell men they were gay? Even if they did, why is that automatically an insult to you? Or why do you assume it’s some kind of derogatory joke?

”...as I could care less why a man would say such a thing as they have never done so around me, and I would instantly tell said man that I don’t care what he nor anybody else thinks about me, so he can judge me all he wants. Whereas I know better than to scold an immature woman making gay jokes.” If you don’t care what men or anyone else thinks about you, why does it matter to you what women think? That they might be calling you gay? Why do you know better than to scold a woman, who supposedly is making gay jokes?

I’m truly confused, and I think you are, too.

Mista_Reflexivity's avatar

I wasn’t judging anybody in your reference; the question asked us to share what people do in public that bothers us, and I answered. Also, I don’t claim to be perfect; I’m aware that and have an opinion that judging people stunts your growth and experiences, so I don’t… I may have slipped a few times though. As for your first post, uhhh… I’m not confused; I’m simply wondering what compels a woman to say “I won’t judge you.” It’s ridiculous.

I don’t know how to respond to the rest… you’ve misconstrued a lot that I’ve typed.

Mista_Reflexivity's avatar

If you really want me to answer any of those questions just say so and I’ll be glad to. :D

Junfan's avatar

Everyone judges. Not everyone tells your the verdict.

Kardamom's avatar

Everyone makes judgements about everyone. Fundamental conservatives as well as Bohemians. Christians and Atheists and Muslims. Fat people and thin people. Smart people and under-educated people. Every one makes judgements. The judgements may be about different qualities and expectations and may differ in degree. If people didn’t make any judgements about others, then they would treat everyone exactly the same as every other person. People don’t do that, and it would be impossible to carry out.

Women may tend to use that term “I won’t judge you.” to a man, because men may be less likely to tell a woman his true dark secrets than a woman would. Women like to know what their potential mate is thinking, rather than having to guess or find out the hard way later. So when she says she won’t judge, she’s really saying that she will let you tell her how you really feel without pitching a fit (at least not at this particular moment) If you blurt out something hideous, she will react negatively, eventually. Any one would.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

@Mista_Reflexivity I just honestly don’t know what the question is. When some people say – not just women, men say this, too – “I won’t judge you”, believe it or not, some of them mean it genuinely. They’re not saying “I never judge people”, all they’re doing is letting you know that for whatever reason, they’re willing to listen to the things you have to say with an open mind. Why do you believe it’s so easy for you to apparently not judge anyone, but assume that any woman who says the same thing must somehow be a liar?

I’m also genuinely confused regarding the comments about women saying men are gay. I truly don’t even know what you mean there.

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