Why are all men interested in one-night stands? What does a woman have to do to get a call back for another round?

I don’t think all men are interested in are one night stands nor do I think all men are interested in one night stands. As to why people ‘never call again’ or whatever after a one night stand is well because it was a one night stand, in their minds. People’s expectations can differ that’s why you should communicate that one night stands is not what you are interested in.

Why are all men interested in one-night stands?

They’re not.

What does a woman have to do to get a call back for another round?

Call him?

They even say I’m good in bed.

They could just be saying that. Or not.

So why do they make such an effort to stay as far away as possible???

Sounds like you may be scaring them away somehow. Or, like @Simone_De_Beauvoir pointed out, they understand a one night stand as being… well… one night. Try communicating your intentions more clearly, if you aren’t already.

If this is a recurring thing with you, then you might want to reevaluate your actions. If they are the same each time, and a one night stand is not what you want, then stop sleeping with men you meet on the first date.

You are making a general assumption that is incorrect. Im an ‘all men’ and i don’t run around the place looking for one night stands. While iv had plenty and the sex is great, they usually just leave me feeling emotionally unsatisfied. And there are plenty of men who would probably ask the same question about women.
@Simone_De_Beauvoir, @Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard and @chyna Sum it up pretty well.

It’s not just men, I’ve been tempted many many times. We all do it.
Majority of men AND women arelooking for more than one night, garanteed.
We’re wiredto want close relationships with others.

If you want more than one night, Make sure you are making that clear before you get with the man.

I’m sorry but it seems you continue to :meet” the WRONG men. Not all men are looking for a “one-night stand”. And not every man is simply looking for sex.

In my opinion you need to present yourself better, and closely examine what you keep finding attractive with these “losers”, and change it. It could also be the “pick-up location” ie: club, bars, parties – BIG give away for one nighters. Library, parks, gym, school play or function, family function (invited guests), coffee shop, mall, meet someone even while jogging is much better.

Don’t assume that because you screw him he’s going to think you’re girlfriend quality- probably the other way around.

Not all men are. You just have to be attractive enough, and men have different ideas of what they consider attractive.

Some like skinny chicks, some are chubby-chasers, some like conversation, some like women to STFU, some like women that are intellectual equals while some prefer somebody that doesn’t threaten them intellectually….

Don’t put out early in the first 2–3 dates. 90% of guys will lose interest if you do.

@tedd….and the 10% who stick around are not the type of guy you want to keep around unless you lack self-respect.

@tedd and @jerv So together you know what ALL men would do in a situation? LOL. I’ve never had an issue keeping anyone after having sex with them on the first date. Ever.

There are actually quite a few men who won’t even get near a bed with a woman until they are both married. To each other.

You might try that, see if it helps any.

@Nullo Not that I disagree, in the case of some people. But marriage isn’t something you just randomly try to fix your issue with one night stands. It’s more serious than that, don’t you think? And, supposedly, ideally you just want to do it once.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir It seems that I have been misunderstood. I was suggesting that the OP keep her skirts to herself until she gets married. The last line was me being facetious.

They aren’t “ALL” interested in one night stands. I met my husband 13 years ago we dated and we got married. He told me from the beginning that he wanted to be with me for life.

@hnhall32 Thats such a nice story.
See that everyone? Not all men are vicious sexual predators after all.

have higher standards

Maybe you shouldn’t be just giving it away! I mean why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

You can’t just say “ALL” men want one night stands. Including myself, my hubby has only had 5 sexual partners, and he was in a relationship with them all before he slept with them (and I was the same way with my boyfriends until I met my hubby). I was actually the first girl he’d dated who decided to “put out” the second day I knew him. I surprised him by jumping naked into his shower, LOL.

He paged me relentlessly the next day until I agreed to come over again. When we’d been together for two weeks, he asked me, “So, when are we getting married?”

We’ve been married for 10½ years now.

Some men prey on weak women with low self esteems and use it to their advantage to get them in bed or whatever it is they want from them, They will tell you anything to get what they want. The same goes for women, some women prey on weaker men and use them for sex and other things. So maybe the answer lies within yourself, maybe you should work on your self-esteem.

But not all men are like that, thank God I found a good one! But it took a lot of learning about myself and learning to love myself before I could find someone to like me for me and not just my body.

‘Cause bitches be crazy ~

@JustJessica . Wow, what you said is so true though. I know someone that chooses fat woman because he said that they won’t cheat on him because they have low self-esteem. He was very honest with this answer. That just makes him sound like he has low self-esteem too though.

While @JustJessica has a point, just because you like to have sex with guys on the first date/night you meet does not mean you have low self-esteem! There are a lot of different factors at play. I asked a question very similiar to this a few weeks ago and I got a lot of helpful answers if you’d like to give it a look :)

I was looking at this question and trying to figure out what is really going on in the OP’s mind. She has told us precious little about herself. What do we know? Men tell her she’s good in bed. Yet they seem to go out of their way to avoid her after she’s fucked them. We know she seems to have the same experience over and over (or why would she make this blanket indictment of men).

This is about it. The rest is inference upon inference. In fact, some of what I said we know is really inference.

There’s really nothing here to make it possible to provide decent advice. A question like this doesn’t appear to be a real question. It’s more of a complaint, or a cri du couer. A lament about why she isn’t in a relationship, and why fucking someone isn’t a doorway to a relationship.

Why would anyone think this way? Half of us have told her that such blanket statements are false and unhelpful. A few have tried to explain what might lead someone to think this.

I’m of the opinion that people who try to sleep themselves into a relationship tend to think they have nothing going for them other than what is between their legs. It’s as if they see themselves as a piece of meat, and they hand out free tastes to see if some customer will buy them. They are worthless except for the pleasure they might bring someone in bed.

How do people get to be like this? In my experience, most people have been traumatized as children. Raped or abused—either physically or mentally. Told by word and deed they are nothing and no one will ever want them and they are lucky they even have a roof over their heads. They get called names like “slut” or “disobedient” or “bad.” Their parents tell them they wish the child had never been born.

If you grow up with a sense of being worthless, it’s hard to ever feel good. Some people turn to sex to make them feel good. When they are in the chase phase, it makes them feel good just that someone wants them, but in the back of their minds, they wonder how long someone will want them. After all, sooner or later, the person will catch on about how worthless they are.

But they get picked up and they go home to fuck, because that’s what people want, right? Isn’t that supposed to make you feel close to each other? And you fuck and it’s amazing and you feel high on the endorphins released during the act. And then, the next morning, as expected, they leave and avoid you thereafter. And it confirms your sense of worthlessness.

What does the OP want? Does she really want an explanation about assholish behavior on the part of some men? Or is she asking a hidden question about what she can do to get what she wants?

My advice wasn’t asked for, but I’m giving it, anyway. If this is a long-standing pattern, get therapy. Also, go to a a few sex-addict group meetings. See if it sounds like you. You don’t have to say anything. All you need to do is listen. Maybe you’ll recognize yourself, and maybe you won’t. Either way, you might find the group helpful in terms of finding a place where you can talk and people will understand because they’ve been there. I guarantee you will find a dozen or more men like the ones you seem to be meeting there. Maybe you’ll get an answer to your question. Those guys surely know why they behave that way.

Seriously—if this is all you find in men, then no one here can answer your question—either the one your wrote, or the one it seems like stands behind the question your wrote. Therapy might help. Reading about sex and relationships and sex addiction might help. Joining a support group might help.

Good luck.

P.S. I know way more about this stuff than I ever wanted to. It is possible to work your way through and come to a place where you can build the relationships you really want.

Stop having sex first thing on a date. Get to know each other first and see what he really wants from you. Don’t give him sex if that is what you think you have to do to keep him. Just wait!

Where is your sample pool of men coming from? Guys you meet at bars? Guys you meet in libraries? Guys you meet at work, or at school? Guys from online dating sites?

Where your source of men is has a great influence on what kind of men they are, and how long they’re planning to stick around. I’ve always been under the influence that guys go to bars to get laid—not for long-lasting relationships. So if that’s where you’re getting your men from, that’s probably your problem. Not only that, but guys at bars are likely to be more outgoing, “alpha male” types of guys. Whereas, if you meet eyes with a guy in a library and start chatting, they’re probably more interested in you (not your… womanly assets), and they’re also more likely to be the kind of person interested in a relationship and sticking around for a while.
Meeting in school/work is a mixed bag in terms of personalities, but generally I wouldn’t expect people to be trolling their campus or workplace for one-night stands.

Personally, I’ve no interest in one-night stands. I’ve no interest in having sex on the first or second night I’ve met someone, regardless of how long I plan to stick around with them. And I’ve no interest in going to bars, but I’m also not likely to be found at a library.

@wundayatta If you have never been raped or sexually abused you shouldn’t assume that that’s the way a person will think and feel after that kind of trauma has been done to them :/

@tigerlilly2 Not making any assumptions. Just reflecting on the hundreds of stories I’ve hear that go that way. I also know people who have been raped and have ended up in much better places. But all of them still seem to have gone through a lot of hell before they were through with it.

Not every soldier gets PTSD, and neither does every rape victim. But a lot of them do. It’s also not the only way to end up with depression and a sense of worthlessness. But it is a pattern that happens a lot, as far as I can tell.

It sounds like you know about other ways the story can go. I’d love to hear a story where childhood abuse doesn’t end up with all kinds of self-destructive acting out.

Anyway, I’m just making up a story. I have no real basis for the story other than the question doesn’t really make sense to me. There’s got to be a lot more behind it. If my story is wrong for this OP, I’m sure there are many others who will read it and recognize themselves.

Not putting out immediately will filter out the guys who are only interested in “that.”

B/C believe it or not, not ALL guys are in it only for the one night stands. . .

@mrrich724 I totally agree and it goes both ways. Woman do it to.

i suppose i am under the impression that sex will (hopefully) lead to a relationship. it’s not always easy to say no to sex, because a lot of the times i want it just as much as they do! what could i possibly say to him that will make him consider me a worthwhile person and give me a chance, even if his original intentions were only for sex?

No! If you want a relationship and he only wants sex don’t give him what he wants. If you don’t have sex with him or them the ones that want something more will stick around is what we are saying. If you only want sex and have a one night stand that’s probably what you are looking for.

It’s not easy to convince someone of that. If you want a guitar, you go to a music store. You buy the guitar, and then the salesperson asks, “Hey, would you be interested in buying a car?”. More likely than not, you’re not really looking for a car at the moment. If you were in the market for a car, you’d probably have stopped off at a car lot in search of one.

Do you really want a relationship with somebody who goes around having one-night stands anyway? I feel like there’s a higher caliber of person you should be searching for.

@Sarcasm I see what you are saying. If you go to a bar youre probably not looking for something serious but if you are like say just at your job that’s probably different. Say you are at work and someone asks you on a date that might be because he or she already knows you likes you and would like to have a relationship. I understand.
He might not or she might not just be looking for a booty call!

Guys don’t lose interest in you because you sleep with them right away.

The guys who never call you again were never interested in you in the first place.

They slept with you anyway because they knew they could.

I see two options: (1) don’t sleep with a guy until you have reason to believe he actually likes you as a person, or (2) continue having casual sex knowing it is just that and enjoying it for what it is.

As has been pointed out already by many people, not all men are like that. I would also add that if a woman is willing to have sex on a first date that gives the man the impression that she is only interested in a one-night stand.

All men? Goodness, @sparksweet514, you have a rather cynical and may I say misguided view of men.

You say you want it just as much as they do. I understand. If i meet a guy and i like him, I may feel like i want to have sex with him too. If you put yourself in a position where sex is a possibility, then you may get seduced (meaning, making out and fooling around may get you so horny that it’s really hard, almost impossible to say no). So the key is don’t put yourself where sex even a possibility. Don’t go to his house is one example. There are endless possibilities where you could end up having sex, so just be conscientious of those possibilities and avoid them. Don’t engage in “sex talk” either via IM, email or phone when you just met someone. Make a date be a date and leave it at that. If a guy has to date you and work at it, like others have said, the ones just looking for sex will drop off. If someone has sex with you right off, they might think you go around having sex with everyone like that, you’re easy, you’re not relationship material and they may not want to date you again. They might also not want relationship with someone who they know their friends have had sex with, so steer clear of dating people from the same circle of friends.

I’m interested in what jca has to say, but from my view neither of you are investing any time in getting to know the other person as a person. Make him invest some time in getting to know you rather than just getting to know your genitalia. GA to jca.

respect yourself.

I have no problem with people having one night stands providing they use protection but if you are having one night stands often but never seeing or hearing from the guys after then you probably need to change tactics or the type of guys you are sleeping with. It may be that you have developed a reputation for being easy and so you are attracting the guys that want a quick shag and nothing more.

That which is given up too easily or quickly is not valued much. I’m not saying play hard-to-get, especially if you genuinely like the guy and are interested in a relationship, but jumping in the sack after the first date sends the wrong signal. He will realize that a woman who will give it up on the first date with him, will give it up to any guy she happens to date…and the next guy… and the next…this is not good for your self-esteem and will quickly scare off many long-term prospects.
Try not to place all the emphasis on sex when meeting someone, because no matter how great the sex is, if it’s given away freely, it is not valued highly. Don’t get me wrong…it is exciting, fun, and pleasurable but nevertheless perceived as cheap. Work on the other part of the date…getting to know each other, laughing together and building trust. “Good” sex is very rarely (never) the foundation of a genuine and lasting relationship.

It works both ways. A woman may feel devalued when the guy seems to want her just for sex. But, believe it or not, men also feel devalued. Of course, it’s generally worse for men, because they are in utter denial about it. They think they are being real men, with all their sexual conquests, when in fact, each conquest niggles into their sense of self, making them feel less and less like they are worth anything when it comes to women.

Everyone becomes a sex object, over time, if they never have a real, intimate relationship with someone else. The pain of the lack of connection makes people crawl further and further into themselves. Wanting and wishing for something real and ever finding meaningless pleasure.

Now, I’m not against meaningless pleasure per se. However, over the long term, it becomes like an addiction. You get high on it, but it leaves you with nothing. Since you devalue yourself, you start to figure you aren’t worth a relationship, and if that’s the case, why call the woman back?

It’s tricky, and most people will say I’m full of nonsense, I’m sure. I could be. But my experience has lead me to believe the “sex is fun and connectionless” group are probably fooling themselves. A few times—fine. But when it becomes a habit—that’s a problem.

If it’s hard for you not to have sex with guys, then just find a “buddy” to satisfy your needs, but that you already have a mutual understanding with that it isn’t going anywhere. . . then when you have that satisfied on one end, you can go out looking for a nice guy and not be tempted to give it up quickly.

thanks. this has been an interesting few days as i am looking into a part of myself that i was always scared to look at before. but i needed to do it because i have been feeling worthless, even though i know i am not! i am smart, maybe not with this, but my mind is just as worthwhile as my body!! i just need to present myself as such. and you guys are helping me get through this, so thank you.

@mrrich724 , that is a solution i’ve been thinking of today. find someone to satisfy that craving that i (obviously) have, so i don’t get so impatient in looking for a nice guy. @avidone , “He will realize that a woman who will give it up on the first date with him, will give it up to any guy she happens to date…and the next guy… and the next…this is not good for your self-esteem and will quickly scare off many long-term prospects.” this could not be more true!!

I know someone who had a rotation of a few “regulars” that she used to satisfy her itch while looking for someone more permanent. She was always honest to those she went out with about her past history, and she has found a guy who loves her for her, not her body or her level of virginity.

@wundayatta Level of virginity? I thought it was a binary thing.

@bob_ I’m using it as a metaphor for the number of partners someone has had.

@wundayatta Makes more sense. I was puzzling over levels of virginity as well. I couldn’t figure out where the levels cutoff.

I was just being an ass, to be honest.

Me too but that’s what we do isn’t it?

@bob_ Perhaps you should change your avatar? Although, if you did, people might think you were a Democrat.

@wundayatta Got any suggestions?

@bob_ Uh… what’s the symbol for Democrat?

@bob LOL, I think @wundayatta ‘s comment flew completely over your head. You said you were being an ass, and the symbol for democrats is a donkey, or an ass.

* facepalm *

Thank you, @mrrich724

I was, by the way, referencing @wundayatta‘s former avatar, which apparently flew completely over y’all’s heads.

OH, haha. I don’t come on here nearly enough lately to have made that connection.

All I have ever wanted was a one night stand. But it ALWAYS turns into a relationship or a stalker…I believe it is a combination of luck, how I pick them, and attitude.

A) I always go for the hottest guy in the room, and have always lucked out that they were great in bed.
^which makes me want to come back

B) But, honestly, I am really turned on by intellectualism and turned on by people who are turned on by intellectualism. So I’ll approach them, make it clear I am interested, and then ask them about travel, books, or a political/social issue. You would think that is not sexy talk, but for some reason they love it.
^I’ve been told that it is this that makes them want to see me again. So maybe you should try making yourself seem interesting as well as sexy to get a second date. You can fuck boring and sexy, but you can’t date it.

C) I set ground rules, I say “No, getting attached, you must use a condom, and no baby talk.”
^it shows you have respect for yourself and you know what you want

D) After the night is spent, (and the second round of morning sex is good), i’ll just try to make a joke of the whole thing.
^Guys are nervous after one night stands because they expect the girl to be clingy. Just lighten the mood, you know what you did was not serious (hell what is his last name anyway?) and guys really appreciate if you are relaxed about the whole thing.

E) Then I usually say, “Well, thanks I really needed that, I’ll show myself the door.” Then I get the “Wait, don’t you want breakfast/some more/my number/to see me again?” .....
^Men don’t like to feel used or unwanted, so if you if you go to walk out without looking back they will ask you for your number or time.

If it works out like that, say sure, let them know when your free and leave. :)

****OH! And never ever ever talk about other guys with other guys…so unclassy.