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childrey's avatar

Why would my mother leave me nothing, when she died?

Asked by childrey (19 points ) January 17th, 2011

Mother died, did not know she signed home to sibling. I now sit here in pain not knowing what I did. How do I get closure when in the end , me and my kids were left out? /

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11 Answers

lillycoyote's avatar

These things can be very complicated sometimes and I don’t know anything about you or your family but did your sister give you any explanation or information about why your mother left you out completely? Did your mother leave a will or just deeded the house to your sister? That the entire “estate?” Could she have willed you some other assets if she had them? She left you nothing at all and your sister everything?

Cruiser's avatar

Sorry about your loss.

Does your sibling need the house more than you? Other than that she apparently favored your sibling more than you and only you would know the reason(s) there. Not much you can do about it now other than to let go and move on with your life.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Are you the older or younger sibling? Does that matter in your family? Have you and your family been perceived by your late mother to be better off/more secure than your sibling? Do you have a spouse and your sibling doesn’t?

So many things go into why stuff gets left to some and not to others. I know from doing title work for real estate that a lot of people don’t have beneficiaries set up for most things and when confronted with the request to provide one then they usually go with the oldest child.

Right now, like @Cruiser wrote, you need to grieve your loss and not be hard on yourself for how property or belongings were divied.

YARNLADY's avatar

Many children do not realize their parents actually owe them nothing. Now that she is no longer around to ask, you might never know.

Meego's avatar

Hmm. Death and wills are a very touchy subject to me. There is never any way to know what she was thinking. Maybe she believed your sister to be much more responsible than you, sometimes even if a will is made a very long time ago people get left out, some people don’t always redo their will every few years which really should be done. I suggest everyone have a will and have it updated constantly and speak your mind aloud about what you want so there is never any confusion, if it gets into the otherwise wrongs persons hands they tend to decide whatever they want, sometimes even their ideas of how it should go can even be different.

lonelydragon's avatar

I second those who suggested reasons like your marital status and birth order. In some families, the oldest child gets everything. In other families, the opposite is true. Also, I don’t want to hurt you, but this may be a case of simple favoritism. Mothers are human, ater all, and some aren’t good at hiding their favoritism (even in death).

Kayak8's avatar

I have discussed my mom’s will and wishes with her at length (oldest child, most frequent caregiver) and I know that she plans to leave something to me and to my sister (youngest) and to my sister’s children. She is not planning to leave anything to my brother (middle) because of how he has treated her over the years. He has called and left threatening messages and just given her nothing but disrespect and grief. He will likely make a federal case of things after Mom passes, but she has worked with an attorney to protect her wishes to the extent possible.

Mom would have been happy to explain all this to my brother if he could carry on a civil conversation. Not saying this bears ANY similarity to your situation, just sharing a different angle on the question.

lillycoyote's avatar

@YARNLADY Yes, of course, parents don’t owe their children anything at all but don’t you get how hurtful it might be for one sibling to get everything and for the other sibling to get nothing?¬†With no explanation? That’s quite a bit different from kids merely whining about getting nothing.

YARNLADY's avatar

@lillycoyote Yes, I can see that it would be hurtful, but I find it hard to accept that it was completely out of the blue.

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
ldyhskpr's avatar

My mom & stepfather passed away in January in a mobile home fire & soon as I got the call, I drove straight up there (17 hours) all night & when I got up there, I went to the mobile home first & then tried to figure out what to do as far as expenses for burial, so I called her lawyer & he told me to contact the probate lawyer downstairs. I did that & he told me he had a will. I knew my mom had money saved up for this reason, so I thought the will would tell me what to do as far as the funeral expenses. When I got the will, I was shocked! She wrote all of her kids out of the will, except my youngest brother that has spent his life in prison. ( He was in prison when the will was written). She made my brother the successor PR but wrote all of us other kids out of the will. I understood 2 of them being written out, but I didnt understand me & my other brother being wrote out. I called my mom every single day to make sure she was ok, I had just told her a month before that I needed to move back closer to take care of her & my stepfather. I went through craigslist to find someone to shovel her snow. I did everything humanly possible all my life with my entire family. Mom & I had our ups & downs but it was because she kept so much confusion going between all the family. She would talk to me, if I said anything about one of my brothers, she would call that brother & tell him what I said whether it was good or bad & add more to it.. She just couldnt stand for any of us to get along. So my brother, that she left everything to, got out of prison a month after she wrote the will, found a girlfriend & both of them started doing breaking & entering, so my brother went back to prison 4 months later. His original sentence was minimum 2.5 yrs, maximum 30 years. He was out on parole, so I am not sure how long he is gone now as it was parole violation. Then just recently, they charged him for the B &Es he was doing while out, so hes going to court for 10 more counts. He hired a probate attorney & is taking all the personal belongings & the vehicles & having someone put in a pole barn till he gets out. The mobile home is still sitting there, which the park wants it removed. The lawyer should have been taking care of this. Im embarrassed for my mom, but she put herself in this situation. I dont understand why. I have been having dreams & think about her every day. I thought she thought of me more than this. She has had to visit my brother in prison all his life ( hes 42 yrs old). She knew I have always came to the rescue for all my family. I always have all of my life. Thats what makes it so hard for me to get over this, she doesnt owe me anything, but she knew I would take care of everything, just like I did with the funeral. Did she not think beyond death? Did she not realize the effect of this? I am an only daughter. I dont know what survived the fire, but I was hoping for pictures. I also thought moms personal items, such as jewerly & womens items, my brother would have no use for. But obviously my mom thought so. My brother says when he gets out, he will decide what goes to who. 30 yrs in a pole barn, pictures will be destroyed if they arent already. I miss my mom a lot & love her much, but I just wish she would have talked to me about it. :(

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