My MacBook is in a coma?

Try this:

-Turn it off by holding down the power button.
– Remove the battery (if it’s a newer model where you can’t do this, let me know)
– Unplug it.
– Hold the power button down for 10 seconds.
– Put the battery back in.
– Plug it in.
– Turn it on.

If this doesn’t work, let me know.

Once it starts up, run Software Update and be sure everything is up to date.

@crisw It won’t turn off, and these screws look kind of funky for me to take off.

It won’t turn off when you hold the power button for ~10 seconds?

@Vortico No.

If it doesn’t turn off, unplug it and take out the battery. I guarantee that will turn it off :>)

Oh, also

“these screws look kind of funky for me to take off.”

What screws? You shouldn’t have to remove any screws- just turn the one to take out the battery,

What you are trying to do is this.

@crisw I have the newer Mac, when I turn it around there are 8 little screws with a tiny cross. I don’t see how I can remove the battery if I can’t even open it.

See the link I posted above under “Resetting the SMC on portables with a battery you should not remove on your own.”

Is your MacBook white, black, or aluminum? A 2007 MacBook should not have a battery you cannot remove. See this.

Hmm- thought you said earlier it was a 2007— I don’t see that now!

This one. Ha, I did?
I left it flipped open and it just restarted by itself and said “You shut down the computer because of a problem.” then gave me the detailed report. I guess it decided to wake up.