How did they get a hold of my boyfriend's mom?

They might have found out your boyfriend’s name by doing internet searches on your address and/or phone number after you told them you were living with him and then tracked down his mom from there.

Are you and or him on Facebook?

Well they could have gotten the address from dropping you off at his place. From there they might have used this search engine to find out who lived there. The real question is why are you so reluctant to have your parents meet your boyfriend’s parents?

They could have asked one of your friends, they could have guessed at your e-mail password.

you should ask them, and tell us

I know this is hard to believe now but you should consider yourself lucky you and your boyfriend have parents that care.
Hug them for me.

I know this is contrary to your thought process, but many parents aren’t idiots.
All they needed is the curiosity about it.

Most parents have eyes in the back of their head you know that right? We know what’s going on even when you think you pulled a fast one over us, I have this conversation with my 15yr old almost daily! Not that it matters to her lol she always thinks she’s smarter better faster even driving, yes she’s only 15 she has not even got behind the wheel yet! lol it’s actually quite maddening! 

The reason why I didn’t tell them is because they are racist. He isn’t Asian. They automatically already hate his guts. Even when he was polite and tried to extend a hand for dinner or to talk to them. My parents immediately disregard and ignore every nice gesture. They were nice to his mom in person, but they talked a lot of shit in reality. So, that’s why I was and am reluctant.

And, my parents most likely contacted her cellphone at the time. Aside from them waiting for her to get home from her and going up to her surprisingly and askin her for her number themselves… I don’t see how they could have gotten it.

And, no. None of my friends communicate or even know that kind of information to disclose to my parents.

And, I only use my itouch… So, no. They also did not “hack” my passwords in anything.

And, they both work and commute kind of far to work. They don’t have that kind idylls to be doing shit like waiting secretly outside.

Time**

Maybe they met his mom by “happenstance” or even just pure coincidence? I doesn’t matter how it’s done now. Ask them why it’s was ok to treat his mother respectfully but not him. Maybe you just assume they will hate him already. My kid does this assuming thing always, really blows me away actually. Sometimes we can change the rules you know 

I don’t think being nice to someone then talking mad shit behind their back is in any way respectful. I’m sure if his mom knew how much “animosity” my parents have towards them… She wouldn’t think that’s respectful. Also, I don’t need to assume they hate him. They’ve said it themselves multiple times. And have said racist things about him and his family. They don’t even know him and they already have their set views on him.

Do they pay your cell phone bill? That is how they could have gotten her number,

I think you are obsessing over the wrong things. Stop worrying about how they got in contact with her. That is not important. It could be done. It would have been easy.

Instead worry about your relationship with your parents now and in the future.

My relationship with my parents are fine… I never said it wasn’t fine.

@Asduf I beg to differ. It is not fine if you are so worried about them taking the initiative and meeting your boyfriend’s mom.

This is what you have said:

“I had never mentioned my boyfriend to my parents.”

“When I had moved in with him, they didn’t know that I was living with him until I told them.”

That does not sound fine.

I agree with @marinelife
I think their may be a small bit of detest and maybe lack of emotion in each side of the relationship.
As for the respectful part, I suggested you ask your parents why they would talk nice to her face and talk mean behind her back, but if the comments are not good enough then why are you asking?
I am a little confused about how your parents talk about a guy that they only know the mother am I getting this wrong? Is this a possible reason why they don’t like him because you chose to sneak around with him and they just might state a more obvious reason as to why they don’t like him? In my books anyone my daughter has to sneak around with I’m not happy about either. Who knows how they got the number but it’s done now maybe you should obsess now about fixing the other parts people will go to many lengths to find out things. Why I one time ran away when i was 15 to an unknown location even to myself I told no one. My sister found me within 6hrs…nothing is impossible…I still don’t know to this day how she found me, she found me I’m more thankful for that.

Eh, parents aren’t perfect. shrugs her shoulders Their attitude sounds rather toxic, though and I can see you’ve developed coping skills to deal with their rather anti-social behaviour. I’m assuming you are grown up, educated and have been living away from your parents for several years, probably ignoring their rude, incessant pressure to ‘marry a nice Indian/Korean boy’ (sorry, you just said ‘Asian’ so I’m stereotyping a bit)

I guess you need to make some decisions, then. You could somehow expose the truth of your parents attitude to your boyfriend’s mother and burst her bubble, and explain that they reached her through devious methods and apologise. You could tell your parents that if they don’t back off stalking your boyfriend’s mother, digging for information about you and your life, they’ll see even less of you and hear even less.

And you can keep insisting that your life is your own and if they don’t stop their constant criticisms of your life and friends and career and boyfriend, you don’t want to hear from them. No one wants to constantly hear every decision they make is wrong and that they are ruining their life.. blah blah blah…. (just taking a stab here at what has caused this great wedge) And in my book, that’s not parenting, that’s bullying.

So, @Asduf , you have my support here. I don’t know how they reached her, but they are obviously digging in areas of your life behind your back to find out what is going on with you, and that does sound like concern. (Perhaps it’s warranted, but, again, I’m assuming a lot here that you’re an educated grown-up with no really bad habits) What they do with that information doesn’t sound all that healthy and you have to stand up to them so that one day, they’ll realise that, regardless of however well intentioned they are, if this is how they are acting, it’s not healthy for you and it’s not healthy parenting.

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