I really need parenting help/advice.

I have accepted that my daughter (5 years old) is not going through a phase – she is a “strong-willed” child. Our parenting has been inconsistent and ineffective so we are working on this.

Our goal is to calmly send the message and the consequence. Examples would be “Please turn the volume down now or I will turn off the TV for the rest of the day” or “Please put your school clothes on. I am setting the timer and we are leaving when it goes off whether you are dressed or not.”

What I need are ideas for consequences for bad behavior. Taking things away and time outs do not work. She can happily occupy herself with a sock and a piece of fuzz and she enjoys being in her room even after we have removed just about every toy.

Consequences should be immediate, related to the misbehavior, proportionate to misbehavior and consistent.

Specific behaviors I need the most help with:
Hitting
Name-calling
Not taking shower or taking forever to finish