What to get a 12 year old who has just lost everything?

A diary.
A beautiful framed picture of her mom, if she doesn’t have one already.

A diary, journal…something to write her feelings in. Space. Understand she’ll need it, a lot of it. Have a set of keys ready for her. She will have things with her, right? You don’t want to overwhelm her with new stuff. She might just resent it – she might see it as trying to replace her mother.

I’m sorry for her loss and what the family is going through. Best wishes to all.

An invitation to come for a weekend and chill when things get overwhelming for her.

I like @WestRiverrat suggestion the best. When I lost my mom I just needed people to be there for me. So I’d just make it known that you are there.. and if she needs to kick it, you will drop whatever you are doing to be there for her.

A girl date with you would be good. A dinner at a restaurant of her choosing, and maybe a movie afterward that she’s been wanting to see. Just some “chill” time.

As for physical things, maybe some books you think she’d enjoy. A lot of the kids that age seem to be interested in the Warrior Cats series, and currently there are 3 boxed sets (18 books) to keep them reading.

Wow thank you guys so much these are some excellent suggestions. And yes she will be brining some of her own stuff. I’m not exactly sure what though.

I like @mrlaconic ‘s answer.
Maybe if you need the physical gift give her some kind of open ticket to a theme park, theater etc. that she can cash in or use with you any time she needs the company.

I think it depends on her personality. I wouldn’t agree with a diary, personally; I don’t like sharing my own feelings. If she would want to, and is sort of emotional, then get her that.
She has you guys to live for now, so she hasn’t lost everything. This change does have beneifits, but when I say this, I mean she’ll be meeting you guys. You could give her pictures of you in her room, let her remember your faces. How about a dreamcatcher? It’s beautiful and spiritual, so she will feel safe, if you’re, or she’s, into that sort of stuff.
And I heard that she’s going to bring her stuff in. How about looking at the room after it’s set. It will give you clues of what she thinks is comforting.
Also, I agree with WillWorkForChocolate. I even read Warriors, and it’s great. Has romance and violence, but it doesn’t go overboard or inappropriate. Has action and some drama. I know, fighting cats are dumb, but it’s the personalities of the cats that attracts the readers. The Omen of Stars(4 series) is something she may be able to relate to.

Find out her favorite colors and get her a comforter or something for her new room. I know when I had to move in with a new family when I was young, it was very important for me to be able to create my environment.

Personalize a Vermont Teddy Bear and have it waiting for her.

A laptop, Itunes, and an Ipod…..Music got me through alot.
Maybe some books, help her relax and keep her mind off things..

Someone who just lost their Mom needs emotional support and a sympothy card or gift will be gratuitous at best. Take her out for a walk in the woods…she will need to grieve in her own way own her own time…all you can do is be there for her

A pet. But You should let her choose which type.

She has not only lost her Mom which is huge and can’t be replaced by anything but emotional support, but she has also lost the home and room that she lived in.
A room of her own based on what she likes.
She will need some Therapy and an ability to not be in denial of her feelings, but I am sure you will have that covered.
A pet (dog, cat, etc) is a great idea and can relieve some stress.

She’s 12. It won’t fix anything, but an xbox or a wii with a flat screen in her room would be a kind gesture.
My kids lost their dad when they were 4, 6, and 8, and the best things for them were things that helped give them a sense of normalcy. They needed opportunities to be normal kids, not “that poor child.” She will get sympathy from a lot of places. You can be the person who treats her normal and gives her fun.

Coloring books are fun.
Maybe some art supplies.
A bunch of crayons and markers.
A gazzillion stickers.
Glow-in-the-dark stars to put in her room.
Sometimes little things like that can go a long way with kids.
And c’mon…who doesn’t like a coloring?..Bet you cant do that with a frown.

Will she be bringing things or her own with her?—favorite books, DVDs, music?

How about a chance to choose things like curtains, bedspread, throw rug, etc., in her favorite colors? Maybe make up a comfy room for her with temporary furnishings and then let her pick out some of her own?

Well if it were me in a situation I would probably want, or maybe need a pet, or something to write in like a journal, someone I can trust….Hmmm Yes yes my Ipod since I love music, it helps me think and bring out my creative side. But after all that is just me! Find out what she wants. Maybe something to get her away, music got me away! But that’s all I can think of, sorry if this wasn’t as helpful as I thought it would be, tell her good luck! And good luck to you too :)

A new puppy.

12 is almost a teenager. Is she a Girly girl? Maybe a day of beauty, manicure, pedicure, hair…..

I would let her pick out as much of her new things as possible. If the furniture hasn’t been picked yet, the room hasn’t been decorated – assuming you guys aren’t using hand me downs – I’d take her along to IKEA to pick out her own duvet, her own desk , her own things so that she feels she has something, so she feels connected to her new home.

Otherwise, she’s just a guest, you know? I moved to another country when I was four, the one thing I remember the most that I didn’t like upon arrival was nothing was familiar and nothing looked like anything I would choose for myself. It was all very foreign and no one cared because their main thought was that I needed a blanket to cover me at night, not that I needed to know that blanket. I felt very alone in a huge house PACKED with about 15 extended family members. It took me much longer than was necessary for me to settle in and feel safe.

Anything will probably work, but maybe you should just take her shopping so she can pick out her own stuff….?

She will not only have lost her mum, but she’ll be losing her friends as well, so a standing invitation for her old friends to come and visit would be good.

Maybe an elegant box that she can put keepsakes in from her friends back home, you could all add something from her mothers life that you may have, something that may help her feel comfort when her world seems lost to her.

I lost my mom when I was 12 and what I wanted more than anything was the chance to feel normal and to stop thinking about what was going on around me. Spend time with her, take her out window shopping and to lunch, to see the new Justin Beiber movie, you get the idea. At this point a kid just wants to feel like the other kids, any way you can help her do that would be a great gift.

Send her pictures and measurements of the room, and let her tell you what color to paint it, if she wants to bring her furniture and bedding with her, or if she wants to get new things. Will she have access to a computer? Perhaps set up a skype account so she can talk to her friends back home. I would make a map for her of the neighborhood, and label who lives where. Perhaps tell her a little story about each neighbor, who has pets, etc.

Ask her what her favorite things are that her mom made, and ask her to bring recipes or cookbook if her mom used one. Having familiar foods on hand can be helpful in a transition.

I’d say nothing for awhile. I lost my father at 12. The only thing I wanted was to be left alone. People tried to do stuff for me. I hated it. Give them some space if you want to get them anything. Play off what they give to you, but don’t think any material goods are going to replace what they lost.

I would get her one of those super soft blankets. They aren’t big enough for a bed, but perfect for curling up with a book or in front of the couch. Something about them is so comforting. I guess it is the softness, but also that we each have our own. (That sounds goofy for adults, but it is true.) It isn’t something she will be embarrassed about becoming attached to or comforted by because it has a purpose beyond being soft or cute.

Later, I would take her shopping for a girls’ day out. Quality time and some things she is able to tell you she needs or wants. It will make her feel good to be included in those decisions, like you respect her as her own person.

Is it possible for the relatives (who’s house in which she will be living) to get a dog or a cat, that your cousin can pick out from a shelter? That will give her something to love. Just make sure that the relatives are able to truly care for a pet if they bring one into their home. Although, generally a child who gets a pet should be responsible for its care, in this case, if she shirks her responsibility a little that’s ok. But don’t get a pet unless the pet itself will be well cared for.

Find out what colors she likes and get her a soft comfy blanket and set of sheets and pillowcases, her own set of towels. If you can actually bring some of her actual stuff from home with her (toys, dolls, stuffed animals, art work from her walls, photos books etc.) bring them!

If she doesn’t already have a camera (not just the kind on a phone) get her a decent point and shoot and make sure she has a computer with which to download the photos. Encourage her to take photos of things she’s interested in.

Find out exactly what foods (and brands) she likes to eat. If you get the wrong brand of macaroni and cheese or the wrong peanut butter, it will just add more pain to a horrible situation. Comfort and familiarity are very important at this time. Food offers comfort.

Make sure you stock her room with writing paper, pens and pencils (including some cute colored gel pens and felt tipped pens) some cute cards and envelopes and some stamps. Attempt to get the names and addresses and phone number of her friends and relatives from the state in which she will be leaving.

Let her know that anytime she wants to talk to you, that you will be available (and let her know when is the best time to phone you if you have a job and can’t talk to her then). Let her know that she is welcome to come over to your house and spend the night any time she wants to. Be available to do that, even if you have to break a few dates or give up a few nights out to accomodate her for awhile.

Put up a map of the new city in her room before she arrives. If you are really ambitious, use a bulletin board and put push pins into the places where she will likely be frequenting such as her new school, yours and other relatives homes, the grocery store, post office, doctors office, and fun places like the skating rink, the zoo, the beach at the lake, the movie theater, the church that she will be attending etc.

Thank you guys again for all of the responses. Many of you said something about pets. The home she will be going to has 2 dogs and 2 chinchilas. I’m not sure if they are able to get another pet. But the dogs are very sweet and loving so I hope she will like them. All your suggestions have been great. Thanks for telling me about not overwhelming her. I was so tempted to go to the store and just buy her tons of stuff. But I won’t now. again thank you. you guys are wonderful

Coming in very late on this thread (sorry)but as I have a 12 year old I know the two thing she’d be most concerned about if she lost her parent(s) and was moving her mobile phone & her friends.
Our daughter texts incessantly with her friends and basically has her phone attached to her…seems to be a common thing (in least among the 12 year olds around here). If she’s being uprooted and cannot keep her current cell phone service provider I’d suggest a three part gift:
1. new cell phone w/ unlimited texting plan
2. address book (so she can actually write down her friends phone numbers and mailing addresses—in case she can’t get her contacts fromthe old sim card to put in the new phone)
3. stationary so she can mail her friends her new address/cell #