Social Question

Mutable's avatar

What to do when you've been Devalued and discarded by a love interest?

Asked by Mutable (208 points ) February 10th, 2011

What do you do when you’ve been devalued and discarded by someone you still love? The sad part is I work with the person and she continuously talks about her “newest” relationships even though she knows it bothers me. My heart breaks every time she does it.

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10 Answers

Joker94's avatar

I tell myself that I’m still worthy of something, be it love or anything else, from other people. And remind myself that if anyone is going to make me happy, it’ll be me :D

YoBob's avatar

Why on earth would you want to remain emotionally attached in any way to somebody who would do that to you?

Scrape her off and move on!

chyna's avatar

Do everything you can to get that person out of your head and move on with your life. Find people that have positive influences and positive outlooks and surround yourself with these people.

JilltheTooth's avatar

Have you asked her to stop doing that? I figure two things would come of that. 1: She’d stop, and you wouldn’t have to hear it anymore. 2: She wouldn’t stop, and that would be mean so you could start re-evaluating your feelings about her based on her meanness.

Cruiser's avatar

Buy yourself something you have really wanted but didn’t because you spent money on her. Take a slug of cash and treat yourself to something special and then forget about the bitch!! Get her out of your skull NOW!

Mutable's avatar

Cruiser….Thanks for the straight talk. I needed that!

JilltheTooth's avatar

@Mutable , better listen to him. Sometimes his avatar carries a gun… :-P

Bellatrix's avatar

Easy to say, but you can’t let someone else dictate your self-worth. And let’s be honest. She cares so little, she talks about her new flings while you are about. Says more about her than you I have to say. What a hag. If she had any compassion, she would try to be discreet. She doesn’t deserve the power you give her.

picante's avatar

These words sound very empty, but try to think of this as a character-building experience. I know it hurts—I’ve been there. But you have to rise above it. Your strength will feed your self-esteem. Sometimes, acting like you’re brave makes you brave. Fake it till you make it! And do what @Cruiser says, too ;-)

Kardamom's avatar

Don’t believe that you are devalued. Just because she doesn’t feel the same way about you, that has no bearing on your value. People can’t help loving who they love or being attracted to who they are attracted to (even if it appears that they are attracted to the wrong people) and you can’t force somebody to love you.

If you are still friendly enough with this woman that you can talk to her, rationally, without getting all choked up. Just ask her if she wouldn’t mind talking about her new love interests in front of you, because it makes you feel like crap. I’m assuming that she knows that you were interested in her and she told you that she didn’t feel the same way, right? If you had a secret crush on her, I wouldn’t speak up to ask her to stop talking about her conquests or then she’ll find out about your crush.

In the meantime, if you can avoid her at work, do so without appearing to be obvious. Don’t seek her out. If you have to have regular contact with her, just be cordial and polite, but don’t engage her in conversation and don’t let her rope you into a conversation.

Then, figure out what you are really looking for in a relationship and ask your friends (outside of work) to help you out with finding someone else to date that will be a better match for you. You might have to date a few or a lot of people to find the right person for you.

When you find yourself starting to pine over this woman at work, come up with some little thing, whether it’s a mantra, or coming up with an image of a beautiful nature scene, or think of a funny line from a movie that you like and then conjer it up, whenever you start to feel crappy about this woman. Don’t allow the thoughts of her to invade your mind, push them out with your “new thing” whatever it is that you choose. Even if you have to do it over and over again for awhile.

When you’re at home and you start to think about her, have a list of actions that you will take instead of thinking about her. Call your best friend and talk about sports, go for a walk in the park, make a list of home repairs, grocery list, foods you’d like to try, gifts you need to buy for this year’s upcoming holidays, places that you would like to travel to. Just do something (productive) instead of thinking about her.

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