Social Question

Jude's avatar

Would you prefer to have a funeral/visitation or no?

Asked by Jude (31990 points ) February 28th, 2011

I have had 4 people whom I am close to pass away in the past two weeks. Out of the 4, for 2, their wishes were to have no visitation, nor funeral.

I am starting to think that this is the way to go. Cremation and internment with my immediate family.

You?

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21 Answers

JmacOroni's avatar

Neither, please. My family already knows that I prefer not to have anything.
My grandparents opted out of any type of service, and I found that it was far easier for the family to cope – not having to worry about arrangements and socializing.

everephebe's avatar

Bury me in the ground for the worms, and have a hellva party after to celebrate my life. That’s what I would want.

DancingMind's avatar

So sorry for your losses

That sounds good to me, too. I hate the idea that after I’m gone there will be a room full of people in pain and tears because of my departure. I understand mourning, I’ve been through it… just, funerals are too painful for me.
I’ll probably tell them to do what they feel would be best for them, since it is for them, but strongly hint that I’d want what @everephebe said or no planned event.

zenvelo's avatar

Cremation, and a memorial service please. My kids will need the support.

blueiiznh's avatar

the no funeral, no visitation seems to becoming more the norm lately.
I completely agree. People grieve in their own way and can without those difficult lines and ceremonies. It is a personal and mostly spiritual action.
I personally would want someone to pay respects to me while I am still alive.

Meego's avatar

My dad had a traditional funeral viewing and all, my husband did not have a viewing. I don’t want a viewing, I am not so into the idea of people hanging over me talking to me and even about me. I have the cremation the plot and the urn, and opening and closing of the grave paid for so just put me in the hole thanks, remember me at home.

manolla's avatar

I personally will probablly not be making a funeral when my loved ones die, seeing the type of people that are around us, I feel that they will be just be faking sadness which I don’t need to deal with.
Everyone had thier chance to show thier love when they were alive, so we don’t need anything else from you once they’re gone.

meiosis's avatar

What I want is the cheapest possible funeral for me, buried in a cardboard coffin and a fruit tree planted on top. What I want, however, will no longer be of any concern once I’m dead so whatever my loved ones want to do is fine.

Taciturnu's avatar

No answer, just condolences. I’ve got an ear if you need one.

Bellatrix's avatar

I personally don’t feel the need for a funeral or anything after I die. However, I don’t think funerals etc. are for the dead. They are for the living. So whether it is the right thing or not should be something the family have some input into. If they are okay with no formal occasion to see the person off, then it would be fine.

I think you do have to think about it carefully though. I have said here before my mother died when I was a child and my father didn’t believe in having any markers. When I was an adult and getting married, I really, really wanted to take my flowers to wherever my mother was finally laid to rest (she was cremated so I was looking for some sort of marker). There was nothing and I felt a profound sense of loss that there was nothing to show she was ever here. I am a very practical, down-to-earth person and had you asked me before this occasion, I would have agreed with my dad’s stance. Now, I am not so sure. When he died, I was in Australia, but I planted him a tree and every now and then I go to the house where I lived then and look at that tree. It is comforting somehow. Just some thoughts.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I want to be creamated and put in a meatloaf
No fanfare…just gone,ya know? ;)

BarnacleBill's avatar

Cremation and memorial service for me. No casket, no viewing. If you don’t purchase the urn, your ashes are delivered in a box, which is fine with me. My daughter knows where I go.

We are not a cemetery-visiting type of family, and don’t go visit the graves of our ancestors. I don’t expect anyone to come visit me once I’m gone.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Jude Sorry you’ve taken that many hits in a row. It can be alot to handle that close together. I did two funerals in one day once and it was way too much. I think I’d like a creamation and then a family\friends get together with no set menu, just food, alcohol and music.

Summum's avatar

I’m going the cremation route and want my ashes scattered in the Ocean. I don’t like funerals and have been to so many. People walking around saying things like “Doesn’t he/she look so good?” No they don’t look good they look passed on and look like they have lots of makeup on.

My Grandfather had the idea. He never went to a funeral and stated I’m not going to theirs because they are not coming to mine.

AmWiser's avatar

Cremation for me; and my family knows to set me on the mantle with a glass of wine.;-)

Forget the memorial, be kind to me in the here and now.

No viewing, it’s like people are looking down on you. I don’t like to be looked down on..dammit!

@Summum LOL!, your Grandfather had the right idea.

lynfromnm's avatar

I’m so sorry about the losses you’ve recently experienced.

My plans are to donate my body to a medical school at a university. When the school has completed its work, they will cremate the body and return the cremains to the family.

I realize that funerals and memorials are for the living, so I have told my children to do whatever they want to do at the time. I wouldn’t want a memorial or funeral, but they may feel it will help them in some way. I won’t know anyway!

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

I’d like to be cremated, then everyone show up for a huge party. Pig out, booze it up, remember my insanity with fondness, and just really party it up. Then my immediate family can drive my ashes to one of my favorite spots, make some stupid joke, and dump me out.

I’d suggest a huge barbeque, with my ashes mixed in with the charcoal in the grill, but I don’t think anyone would eat…

gondwanalon's avatar

Cremation is the best way to go. If you are planted in the ground then in X-number of years your remains will be dug up and studied.

Why would I want to have a visitation funeral? Forgetaboutit! HA! I’ll be dead.

Seaofclouds's avatar

My husband and I both want to be cremated. We also want our ashes scattered at a certain place. I don’t really want a viewing/funeral. Instead, I want my family and friends to have a celebration of life party for me. I’d much rather them have a good time celebrating the life I lived and the memories they had of me than sitting around looking at my dead body. If I was dying of a terminal disease of some kind and knew my time was getting short, I’d try to have the celebration of life party before I died so that we could all have a good time to remember before the end.

perspicacious's avatar

The custom here has changed; people usually just have an hour of visitation prior to funerals. When we had the memorial service for a family member in 2009 we didn’t plan for visitation at all. We just visited with friends in the Church after the service and then a very large crowd assembled to have lunch together at a Greek restaurant.

cak's avatar

Cremation and small personal memorial service. Family and close friends, that’s all. My family will need support, I will be gone. It’s comforting for the family, though. At least it was after my father’s passing.

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