How do I get over severe social anxiety?

So far you have rejected:

Doctors
Medication
Friends
Family
Group therapy

There is exercise, meditation and chocolate. But often depression needs aggressive treatment. If you throw up your hands, which you are doing, then you have no choice but to be jobless, lonely, melancholy, whiney and unhappy.

Calling others morons is not a good idea, either.

I don’t reject doctors. I reject the amount of money they charge to talk to people and the toxic chemicals they prescribe. As far as friends go I do have friends but they are all just people I might see at a party on a weekend. Other then that no one wants to be alone with me because I am quiet and creep them out. I have no best friends, people that I can rely on or ask advice to. Everything about the family is true, they are fuck ups. It is not a matter of opinion. It is a matter of fact, and I do not want to be like them… I am all for groups if they would actually achieve something. Rather than sit in a diner and talk about ourselves then plan a friendly recretional activity. That does not solve anyones problems, it ignores them.

I had a sort of social anxiety, at least that’s what some people called it. And what happened? I pushed everyone and everything I cared about out of my life, and laid on the floor watching TV because there was nothing else I could do and I was trying to drown out the reality that I was miserable from catering to my fears and insecurities.

No exterior anything helped me until I was ready to listen. And then, miraculously, someone tried reaching out, a tiny bit, one more time recently. After serious inner debate on my part, I realized I could say yes. So I took it. Now I’m working to get to be someone I want to be.

But there was an amazing discovery I made while I was that low. That I had been pushing my own voice out of my head for such a long time without realizing. I think that’s where the anxiety came for me; I didn’t know what I wanted, so all I was trying for anymore was what everyone else wanted, and I couldn’t always do everything everyone else wanted, and so got stressed very easily.
Anyway, I got to the quiet when I ran from everything, and my mind was mostly blank for a while. Then I started to hear these soft, but forceful opinions whispering out. What were those? I listened, and realized I agreed with them. Listened a little longer and realized they were me.

What it came down to was I was scared of finding out who I was. I’d known that for a while, but I didn’t know why. Now that I hear myself (well, hear myself more, it’s a work in progess, that I’m this time unburying inside out) I know why the hesitations were there. And they were so uneeded, I can see that now.

I didn’t hit “rock bottom.” I could’ve gone down a lot farther and done myself a lot more damage. But I’m not saying that any dip or lowness necessary for you, because I don’t think it is. Now that I know what I needed to look for before, all the frustration I created for others, and more importantly, all the disapointment and confusion I felt myself could have been avoided.

People were trying to help, but the reason it wasn’t was because unknown to both them and to me, we were all trying to lead me in the wrong direction, some/most with the best of intentions.

I don’t know how much any of this applies to you, but I’m telling you assuming at least some of it will. That maybe instead of others trying to help guide you, what you really need is to be able to hear yourself, and then give yourself permission to trust yourself.

And when you’re able to be you, or at least know you, you’ll be able to find people that better appreciate you and don’t sound like they themselves have issues…

Just nibble at the edges. Don’t do more than you can do.
If you come alone, you can leave when you want.

Try to enjoy your family when you see them.
Pay attention to them. Be a good listener. Try to forget about yourself.

Try to talk to at least one person at a party or job fair or any event you attend [maybe even standing in line at a grocery store] for reasons other than getting something.

Volunteer a few hours a day or week at something that helps others and doesn’t challenge you. Helping someone else can bring you out of yourself.

@killerkadoogen: You are talking in circles.

If you live near a hospital or medical school, you may find a clinic that doesn’t charge much for some talk therapy.

I take a very low dose of an antidepressant; it makes my life more joyful.

I think if your anxiety is as sever and life-limiting as you indicate, then you are doing yourself a disservice to reject medication out of hand without even trying it.

That said, you could get some relief (but I am not at all sure that it will be sufficient for your situation) taking Calms Forte. It is marketed as a sleep aid, but I take it (as do many others) for anxiety. it is totally herbal.

Social Therapy by a well-versed Psychologist in your area. Our psychologist has “classes” for children and adults with Asperger’s. There is no need to medicate social anxiety, but you will need to be willing to learn and accept the work/practice the therapy requires.

There has been success treating it through exposure therapy. Basically making small advances, and realizing nothing tragic is happening, to lessn your anxiety. Also, popping a few pills to get you started might not be a bad idea, under the supervision of a doctor of course.

Are you avoiding something in your life besides the obvious? Avoidance can create anxiety. Maybe a parent? Or, dealing with fear of failure? Or, feeling full of shame, and lacking self esteem?

@SpatzieLover : Great answer!

Finding a good psychologist (not to be confused with the drug prescribing kind – psychiatrists) who utilizes cognitive behavioural therapy (talk therapy) can be invaluable (albeit sometimes a little expensive – worth every penny). I have Asperger’s Syndrome, and sometimes quite crippling social anxiety; the comfort that comes with finding a professional who knows what you’re going through, and definitively how to coach you to a life of relative ‘normalcy’ is a gift that is worth giving to yourself. It’s freeing. You’ve just got to find the one that you ‘gel’ with. Nothing wrong with ‘shopping around’. :)

I know where your at,,, and I have had severe social anxiety most of my life,,...after I became a machinist, making a very good living, I felt in control of my life and work and could afford things I and my family needed in life,, I then calmed down and the anxiety was really gone..After I retired, and not keeping busy and on a much lower income the anxiety returned big time..to the point my blood pressure went crazy along with it… After trying a half dozen different meds and talking to almost a half dozen doctors and or psychologists,, I got on the correct med and kept myself busy exercising daily, keep myself busy making jewelry that I sell and making some money my confidence has returned almost to normal…so my view point is making enough money so you can live the way you like and doing something you like will probably help calm you down and it did me,, I know you don’t like taking meds and I don’t either and they are very expensive, but mine are now paid for by medicare..So I hope this may help some,,,and I feel if you can get real self confidence in yourself doing something that you really enjoy you maybe will make it..Another thing,, all the therapy I had did nothing but put money in someone else s pocket..

I know it’s difficult to believe, but being anxious and depressed actually distorts your thinking in a way you can’t detect. This distorted thinking is making your life seem more negative and hopeless than it actually is.

There are things you can do on your own, like meditation and exercise, to ease your anxiety, but if it’s bad enough, you really do need to get professional help. Just the act of going to a therapist will alleviate symptoms within several weeks. When accompanied with medication, your progress will be faster and easier. And there is absolutely nothing “toxic” in the antidepressant medication usually prescribed to the depressed and anxious. In simple terms, all these pills do is make certain chemicals in your brain “hang out” longer, thus elevating your mood. They are also known to stimulate the production of BDNF (brain-derived neurotrophic factor), which heals and restores brain cells damaged by stress and depression. When your brain cells are healed, the anxiety and depression lessens or disappears entirely.

You don’t have a job and you don’t have health insurance? You are eligible for Medicaid. Sign up immediately and take advantage of this opportunity to heal yourself. Go to a doctor, get checked out and get a referral to a therapist. You’ll thank yourself for taking the time and effort to take care of yourself.