Social Question

JmacOroni's avatar

Where do you turn for support when friends and family can't/won't be supportive?

Asked by JmacOroni (3271 points ) March 16th, 2011

Guess that’s it.

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20 Answers

Seelix's avatar

I guess it depends on the situation. If it’s something that can be helped just by talking about it, Fluther is a great place (if it’s you that you’re referring to here – I know you have made some great friends here who would be glad to offer insight and help).

Otherwise, there are counsellors or doctors, or support message boards online where you might find an outlet.

Really, if you need to talk about something, just let us know. I hope you’re doing okay. <3

janbb's avatar

Online friends, support groups, therapist, one’s inner voice

filmfann's avatar

If friends and family don’t support me on something, I usually reevaluate. It is not like them to hold back support, or for me to be so wrong on an issue that no one supports me.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Online friends are great. PM me if you need to rant to someone or just scream a lot of cuss words in all caps. I hope everything is okay sweetie.

Phobia's avatar

If you’re religious, talk the preacher at your church.

JmacOroni's avatar

@filmfann sorry, I suppose I should have added details. Not that kind of support, I guess. It isn’t that I’m making a bad decision or that I’m wrong on an issue. I think, rather, the people closest to me are struggling to understand something that they have never experienced… and are just getting exasperated. To be completely honest, I don’t have much of a support system. My family tends to be of the school of thought where you.. suck it up. Doesn’t matter what it is. You put on a stiff upper lip and get over it. The end. Does that make more sense?

Seelix's avatar

@JmacOroni – My mom is the same way. I struggled for a long time to get her to understand that I wasn’t depressed “about” anything – that it wasn’t one particular thing making me sad, and that I wouldn’t just get over it. I was lucky (?) enough, though, that my sister also suffers from depression and anxiety, and that my dad has had anxiety issues for years, so they were able to back me up.

filmfann's avatar

@JmacOroni Ya, okay. That makes it much clearer.
Years ago, I went thru several experiences that no one I know had any experience with, and they could not relate to. They wanted the best for me, but didn’t have a grip on the issues I had to deal with. I depended on my own faith in God, and my faith in my own goodness. I cowboyed up, and did what I saw was right thru my squinty eyes.
I often second guess myself, but when I reexamine those troubles, I am very secure in the feeling I did the right thing. I just hope it doesn’t bite me in the ass.

marinelife's avatar

I would turn to my friends if it is not a matter that my family would support me on (which happens to me).

Do you have no friends that will lend a listening and sympathetic ear?

Zaku's avatar

Take a course in Holistic Peer Counseling, or reevaluation co-counseling. You get trained to listen and to process your own material, and you also get a network of trained people to share with (in exchange for granting them listening/counseling time too, otherwise free of charge).

blueiiznh's avatar

@JmacOroni If the people closest to you are getting exasperated and struggling to understand something new, then it sounds like you are catching some of the splatter from them.
If I am reading this correctly, It’s tough to see someone who is close struggle. It’s even tougher to get caught in their exasperation.
They however have to learn as you did. Be supportive as I am sure you are.
Suck it up is certainly a method to keep you moving, but you still have to deal with it.
Now I feel like I am not making sense. :)
Laugh, Cry, take a bath, eat chocolate, listen to soothing music, find a person who is a really good listener (that you trust) so you can get it out, journal your feelings.
{{{BIG HUG}}}

BarnacleBill's avatar

Sometimes you need to give people time to process new ideas and situations. New/different can be a shock. I once had someone tell me that “you tell people the same thing over and over again because you have to before it sinks in.”

JmacOroni's avatar

@BarnacleBill although what you say is true, it’s not new. :)

Brian1946's avatar

Is this something that very few people outside of your friends and family have experienced?

You might find comprehensive support here depending on what it is, but if it’s something that you’re not comfortable disclosing in a public forum, then how about a specific support group or therapist?

Meego's avatar

I will support you :) I am in the same kind of situation my support system is all gone, my friends have decided to forget about me but I think I have had some part in that.

Fluther is a great way to make supportive friends I have one that I feel bad I don’t talk to often enough and I don’t want him to think I forget about him, because I don’t.

None of my friends even remembered my bday this year and one of those friends I am supposed to be such good friends with that I am his bridesmaid :/

After having a lot of loss in my life I thought my friends would be more helpful, but I feel like to my friends I am more of a pain in the ass and have lost them as well. My BFF for over 16 yrs did not even stay for my fathers funeral longer than 15 min. And I had to hold her hand (literally) and guide her at my husbands funeral. Which about 10 months after she sent me a text that said “Your almost over that aren’t you? You should be moving on.” Her lack of empathy is crushing. And I can probably relate somehow to you, I’m sorry for you I know the feeling.

JmacOroni's avatar

@Brian1946 no, not very few. Maybe my specific circumstances, but it isn’t so uncommon that no one else is familiar with it. I do have a therapist, therapy just feels like a portion of the equation, that’s all.
@Meego I agree, I have made some amazing friends here over the last year, and that is a good part of what prompted me to ask Fluther’s opinion. I know that there is an abundance of thoughtful, considerate jellies… and I had a feeling I would get good input.
The majority of my issues have to do with compounded traumatic losses, so I suspect we may relate more than you may have thought when you wrote your response. :)

downtide's avatar

If it’s a matter of finding people who’ve shared the same experience, I would seek out a support group, local charity, or something somilar.

augustlan's avatar

@JmacOroni You know where to find me, girlie. <3

Meego's avatar

@JmacOroni Im truly here for you if you ever need to talk. :)

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