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nikipedia's avatar

(NSFW) What have you learned about sex that only experience could teach you?

Asked by nikipedia (27343 points ) April 4th, 2011

I loved WillWorkForChocolate’s question about sexual hygiene. This is definitely not something taught in sex ed, but something every young couple should know!

So I was thinking, does anyone else have any good ones? Things you learned from experience that you wish you had known all along?

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60 Answers

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Thanks! And I think it should be taught in sex ed.

Something else that I was never taught was what Simone mentioned in my question: peeing before and after sex is important. Especially after. It took me years to figure out that if I made myself pee right after sex, I was less likely to get a bladder infection.

TexasDude's avatar

It’s messy… Very messy.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard LOL, that’s true. It’s nothing like romance novels make it out to be!

creative1's avatar

Just relax and enjoy each other as you wish without worrying what is right and what is wrong. And when having really good pounding sex the balls slapping you sound funny but feel real good.

erichw1504's avatar

You will never last as long as they do in porn videos.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

Positioning – not pelvic, but feet and hands – takes a bit of experimenting, and is not covered in any sex manual. (Yes, I’ve read them all).

creative1's avatar

Don’t be afraid to read the sex books for ideas they are alot of fun to try new positions and things

KatawaGrey's avatar

People often say that the most important thing about sex is that you care about the other person. I would say this should come second to being knowledgeable, safe and clean. All the love in the world won’t keep from getting pregnant or contracting an STD. No one ever said to me, “Fuck all the guys in the world, but if you use a condom and are smart about what exactly you do, you’ll be fine, but fall in love with the guy with Herpes and you’re really screwed.”

I also really wish someone had told me that once I started having sex, I wouldn’t necessarily want to have sex all the time. I used to wonder how sexually active couples didn’t just get overcome by sheer sexual power and start humping like rabbits. Now I know why. :)

One final thing. It has taken experience and multiple sexual partners to teach me the importance of sex in a relationship. I have kept relationships going on pure sexual energy where otherwise they would have stagnated and failed. I have kept relationships going despite a complete and utter lack of sexuality where sex might have shaken things up enough for us to realize we did not belong together. It has made some friendships more special and destroyed others both directly and indirectly. Sex is like eating, breathing or bathing: a biological function that ties us to our world and to each other. To treat it more or less than that is to damage the experience.

Blackberry's avatar

Something that works on one woman, won’t work on another lol.

KateTheGreat's avatar

1) I’ve learned that romance novels and pornos are fake beyond belief.
2) Self-help books will never really help you.
3) It’s more fun to experiment.
4) It makes the other person feel bad if you start laughing at them in bed.
5) It can get really messy.
6) Condoms make you smell weird. Reaaaaalllll weird.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@KatetheGreat Haha, Hallelujah to #1!!

Jude's avatar

What gets you off may change over time. It did for me.

When I was in my early 20’s, I enjoyed being dominated by an older woman (early to mid 30’s). Now, I prefer to be the dominate one with my partner.

nikipedia's avatar

@KatawaGrey: One of your best answers ever, I think :)

Scooby's avatar

I’ve learned to slow down & take my time, or maybe it’s just that my age is creeping up on me! :-/
Foreplay!! & lots of it…. :-O

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

If a bed is available, there’s no reason to not use it – your sex won’t be any less passionate on a bed than on a floor, but floors are hard and often covered in carpet.

SpatzieLover's avatar

That it can be very fun to not have intercourse, but just make your partner orgasm.

Quickies can be immensely satisfying.

Variety really is the spice of life, in the bedroom.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Never get a woman’s rocks off while your poor dick is between her teeth.

CaptainHarley's avatar

A great sexual experience must involve and engage the mind at least as much as it does the body, and should slowly progress from gentle carressing to, shall we say, a deeply penetrating experience? : )

lloydbird's avatar

Avoid cacti.

SpatzieLover's avatar

@lloydbird And, avoid sand.

Ooooh & if you do experiment with honey do it in the bathroom…or you’ll have one hell of a mess to clean up.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Going backdoor isn’t as tight as everyone says and lots of tube and going slow can send her into a whole new dimension; and it is nowhere near as messy as it is said by most sources you read about it from.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central The tightness totally depends on the person though. I, physically, can not have anal sex. We’ve tried a whole bottle of astroglide, tubes of KY and various creams/lubes that are supposed to “numb” the area to allow for easier penetration. Nothing worked for me. I’m just not built for it.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate Don’t be such a tight ass.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate I’m the one that should apologize, but that one almost wrote itself.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe No apologies necessary, I was expecting that. But you didn’t have to be such a huge dick about it. :P

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate The key is to relax, you can go from a tight end to a wide reciever and get boths backs instead of a quarter back in no time :-P

cak's avatar

Humor is very important during sex. My husband quickly learned this with me.

If you can’t laugh when one of the two of you fall off the bed, while trying some Olympic style position, then you should not have sex.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central Dude, I was hopped on wine and hydrocodone. I was relaxed, trust me. Seriously, some people just can’t physically take it.

Kardamom's avatar

There are a lot of un-expected “fart-like” sounds that will be coming from places other than where farts originate.

There is often a time when no matter how much you keep rubbing or trying to get something to happen (even if that person is on the verge of something happening) it ain’t gonna happen and all you’re going to get is rubbed raw. And the other person might not be able to bend their wrist for an hour or so.

Sometimes there is a lot of actual banging (not the euphemistic kind) of bed frames up against walls and skidding across the floor. Nothing like the sweet romantic loves scenes from the movies.

Sometimes, even when the partner is willing to give it a go with one of the more exotic positions, someone’s mouth and nose will be accidentally covered with someone else’s body part and not be able to breathe. And things will be seen from a vantage point that is less than attractive. Even if your partner is the most gorgeous person on earth.

People drool a lot more than you’d think. And sometimes drool can be used for getting certain things moving along a little more smoothly.

Complete darkness in the bedroom is not helpful. A lot of the stuff that will get you all turned on can’t be seen in the dark. Put on a nightlight. You can see the good stuff without anyone looking like they’re under the fluorescent lights in a woman’s bathing suit dressing room.

Ladies, either never shave your legs, or keep ‘em shaved and soft with lotion. Everybody needs to keep their toenails trimmed. Snaggy toes and sandpaper skin or bristly hairs is a big ouchy!

6rant6's avatar

Everyone is different. And that includes you and yesteryou.

deni's avatar

Queefing happens. Often.

josie's avatar

Only experience can teach one the politics and/or maneuvering to avoid the wet spot.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Experience also says if she dismounts and starts vacuuming your dumbstick you don’t act surprised or looked shocked.

josie's avatar

I forgot one. Nobody teaches you that eye contact is a great thing during sex.

CaptainHarley's avatar

@josie

Right you are! : D

choreplay's avatar

To quote someone in a previous question, “focus on the clitoris, focus on the clitoris, focus on the clitoris”

I believe the question had something to do with how to please a women.

deni's avatar

@Season_of_Fall I do not prefer the focus on the clitoris….which brings up a good one: there are exceptions to everything!

tragiclikebowie's avatar

@deni I concur. The clit is not the be-all end-all for some women.
@WillWorkForChocolate Peeing before sex is SO important. I’ve had to get up and go pee so many times during sex because I didn’t go beforehand.

Foreplay is actually important or else massive amounts of pain can ensue.

TexasDude's avatar

Pshhh…. focusing on the clit is for amateurs. The g-spot is where the party is at.

KateTheGreat's avatar

Focusing on the clitoris isn’t as much fun. In some cases, women have a smaller clitoris, so it isn’t as much fun. Now if you know how to find the “g-spot” that’ll get you far.

TexasDude's avatar

I’ve never understood the mythic status of the g-spot. It seems like scientists and physicians alike have struggled with its existence for years… to the point of even denying it exists. It’s really not that damn hard to find. All you have to do is beckon your partner to “come hither” if ya catch my drift.

choreplay's avatar

Oh, I said that tongue and cheek (pun intended), there is plenty of variety in our world.

KateTheGreat's avatar

The thing is that the “g-spot” is not really active in all women. Scientists still don’t know how it works. And then some guys just don’t know what they’re doing or they give up quickly.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@KatetheGreat Some theorize that it’s where the clitoris meets the vaginal wall. And it’s actually pretty well known, just sometimes people think that a survey is somehow scientifically valid for proving the existence of something.

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard Right? You just tell it what you want it to do, and it will…

SpatzieLover's avatar

@cak You just described our honeymoon in Vegas…We still have spontaneous bursts of laughter about that…as a matter of fact I can hardly type as I consider it! :D

ratboy's avatar

You never know what’s on the other side of that glory hole.
It’s important to pee during sex as well as before and after.

6rant6's avatar

Having sex is like raising children:

1. Just when you think you know how to do it, it’s wrong.
2. People outside your household have nothing good to say about your technique. But who cares, really?
3. Enthusiasm and genuine interest count for a lot.
4. What ever you think they are going to want to do, they won’t.
5. People will do amazing things if tempted by dessert.
6. You can’t do a good job if your attention is elsewhere.
7. In real life, it’s nothing like the movies.
8. What you want may not be what you get. And sometimes that’s a good thing.

KatawaGrey's avatar

@6rant6: Excellent answer!

Oh, forgot to mention that no one told me that most men don’t make those guttural grunts. If that was true, I think I would have just switched to girls after my first time. It’s fucking scary when those guys in porn grunt like they’re lifting hundred pound weights.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@KatawaGrey You view porn? But you are a gal and the myth go gals hate porn…... ;-P

KatawaGrey's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central: Someone should have told you that!~

JilltheTooth's avatar

@KatawaGrey : I’m shocked, I tell you, shocked.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

That’s it, KatawaGrey, you’re grounded!!!

JustJessica's avatar

Your not going to get yours every time :-(.

OpryLeigh's avatar

No one ever warned me about the fart noises (I think that’s what “Queef” means, am I right?). The first time I “farted” I was so embarressed, now we either laugh or ignore it. Thankfully I have never actually farted during sex.

It’s not always great to orgasm early. My boyfriend loves making me cum but I sometimes have to slow him up because sometimes if I come too soon I go off the boil a bit and would rather go to sleep!

I agree with @WillWorkForChocolate, anal isn’t easy. We have been trying to have anal sex for months but I can only get about half of him up there even when lubed right up!

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@Leanne1986 I can’t even get half of him in. He’s no porn star, but he’s big enough, and I’m built like a ten year old. It’s painful just to try and take the tip. It makes me wanna cry, too, because I’m sure I’d like it.

KatawaGrey's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate @Leanne1986: I’m pretty small myself and my partner’s well-endowed and it drives me up a wall when someone says it hurts just because I’m not doing it right. Maybe it fucking hurts because I’m tiny and he’s not. Maybe some people just can’t have anal no matter what.

Oh, that’s another thing. I wish someone had told me that people would judge my sexual life and tell me that I “just hafta to try this…” in order to make things work.

OpryLeigh's avatar

@KatawaGrey I’d love to know what people think is the “right” way to have anal sex. The concept seems pretty straight foward to me (cock in arse, how can you get that “wrong”?). I figured it hurts, not because I am doing it “wrong” but because, let’s be honest, that area was designed to be an output only area.

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