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ariah's avatar

How to break it to a friend that you like them?

Asked by ariah (360points) April 10th, 2011

Okay, so I have been friends with a guy that I’ve known for a couple years now. We are so alike yet so different that I can hardly stand it. I’ve liked him (I despise that word used like that but I a trying to avoid being too sappy.) since the very first day we met. Since then, I’ve been dropping hints and everything, but he is a little too nieve to get catch on. How, I’m not sure. Everybody else has. I recently asked how I can stop liking him and the collective answer was that I should ask him out. There are numerous problems with that, but the most pressing one is that I don’t have the self confidence to tell him how I feel. I’ve never done anything like that before and with the way I look, he may just never speak to me again. Help??

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11 Answers

thenemo1's avatar

Really what have you go to loose in doing so!
If they say their not interested you’ll save thinking you may have something you’d don’t actually have.
Friendships are how things start and some are meant to go beyond that and some not. That’s life.
Go for it.

Hibernate's avatar

You’ll never be in state of confidence !

You’ll start regretting it. Not to mention that if someone else asks him out and they become more than good friends…. then you’ll feel awful [ if your current feelings are true…. if not you’ll feel a relief ]

There’s no good or bad way of doing this. There’s no proper way how to handle this.
Just do it !

Oh and good luck.

AllAboutWaiting's avatar

You’re going to have to get him alone for a walk in the park, have a heap of stuff to warm-up talk about, then ask him what he thinks of you. Tell him how much you’ve wanted to find a match like him, put him on the spot. Watch him blush, then kiss him. Do this alone. Avoid sex too soon, and don’t fall for the alcohol trap. Make him do some work now and start doing stuff just like you always have, the rest should fall into place. Sounds like you may have to teach him a few things, so have fun. Never cheat on him, or else you’ll pay – judging by the amount of people who’ll be watching you.

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math_nerd's avatar

Guys have your problems x10. If I was still in high school I would be stoked that a girl approached me.

BarnacleBill's avatar

Hold his hand or take his arm when you’re walking with him. If he doesn’t pull away or ask you what you’re doing, you’re good to tell him.

Neurotic_David's avatar

When the timing is right—say, when he’s in a good mood or happy or joyous—just take his head in your hands and plant a big one on him! It’ll confuse him at first, but will either result in you two taking the next step or you making fake-embarrased apologies that you dont know what came over you and just forget it ever happened.

WasCy's avatar

You don’t have to “break it to him” that you like him. You’re friends; he knows that you like him. We have to presume that he also likes you.

So all you have to do is start moving it to the next level.

That’s pretty simple. Touch him. Not sexually, just in a friendly way. Take his arm from time to time when you walk together. Touch his arm or his hand or his shoulder from time to time when you talk… and then withdraw your hand. If he’s human, and if he likes you in more or less the same way, then eventually he will touch you, too.

blueiiznh's avatar

I know the feeling of being afraid that by doing so, you will ruin the great thing you currently have. But it also sounds like you want more.
One approach is to act on it:
Invite him to do some things that you mutualy enjoy and can spend one on one time together. (movies, music, theatre, hikes, bikes, whatever works).
Don’t be afraid to be physical like touching, goofing off, etc. Look for signs back.
Tell him you are going to do something scary and may need CPR. See what he says.

Another approach is to discuss it:
Be open and honest with him about your feelings otherwise you will regret not sharing this at some point.
Speak your feelings, be honest, accept the outcome.

In both cases: If it is meant to be, it will be.

seekingwolf's avatar

I fell for my best friend of 6 years and we are together too. Turns out he felt the same way as I did. I just came out and told him! He was surprised but didn’t say anything until later, when we were reading Latin poetry, and he leaned in!

Seriously, just go for it!

Kardamom's avatar

I can see that you might be nervous to tell him how you feel, just in case he doesn’t feel the same way about you. That can be very awkward after the fact. Is it possible to talk to someone else that he is friends with to kind of feel out the situation first? Try to find out if one of his friends already knows if he likes you in “that way” or not. Or, if there is nobody that knows or is willing to help out, send him a cute funny card with a very brief note saying “Hey Brandon, I think I might be feeling something for you that is a little more than just friends. Any chance that you feel the same? Let’s get together and talk.

In this way, you are still letting him know, directly, how you feel about him, without having to get up the courage to say it right to him. It may take a little longer for him to answer you, because he might be very nervous too. But you are likely to get an answer one way or the other.

If you have a close girlfriend, let her know what you are planning to do. That way if it works out that the feelings are mutual you can rejoice with your female friend. If it turns out that you male friend only considers you a friend, then she can be there for you in a caring capacity.

Unfortunately for us all, the only way to find out, is to let him know. Good luck : )

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