Social Question

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

Can you explain this parenting idea about children on Facebook to me? (details)

Asked by MyNewtBoobs (18970 points ) April 16th, 2011

I know that some people ground their children if the child posts a status update consisting of saying negative things about the parent, or talking about the fight they just had with their parents, etc. What’s the logic here? I asked someone who did it, but their powers of communication were… even more lackluster than normal.

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18 Answers

optimisticpessimist's avatar

I do not do this nor have I heard of it. If I were to ground my kids from facebook due to negative comments about me, it would probably be from the lack of respect demonstrated. If it were a factual account of a disagreement, I would not care. If it consisted of derogatory comments or status, I would probably ground them from facebook for lack of good judgment demonstrated by posting inflammatory or inaccurate information. Hopefully, they would learn that you cannot always take back what you say or write so you need to be careful before you speak or post.

zenvelo's avatar

I have not heard of it either, but I would not punish them. It’s actually been a way for my kids to vent about how difficult their mother is.

I do talk with my kids about what they post, and what they say about people in general.

john65pennington's avatar

Children must be taught that whatever happens in their house, stays in their house.

The cyberspace world should not be involved in a family’s arguement. Once the words are written, they can never be taken back and the world never forgets.

There must be an understanding with children, IF they are using or want to continue using a pc.

Punishment should never be out of the question for their violations.

zenvelo's avatar

@john65pennington I am surprised to hear that from a policeman. What of the child is being abused? Or a parent is using drugs? Saying whatever happens in their house, stays in their house seems overly restrictive.

JLeslie's avatar

I guess there is a risk of someone being too zealous and calling social services or something? A child using words loosely, making an argument sound worse than it was, and then there is documentation regardng the interaction, and if authorities enter the picture, the kid has to start backstepping?

Also, it is prudent that children not vent things like this on the internet, it is not the place for it. I agree with @optimisticpessimist it shows a lack of respect.

Pandora's avatar

@zenvelo I agree with @john65pennington. If a child really does have an abusive parent the internet is not such a place to air their dirty laundry. Actually, I doubt that a truly abused child will post on the internet. They usually feel powerless and don’t want their friends to even know about their situation, much less post it somewhere their parent may hear about it. They would fear far worse retaliation than to have their PC taken away.
Computer usage is a priveledge not a born right. Parents pay for it all so they should have a say on how it is used.
What if the child said, my dad gets drunk every weekend or said his boss is a jerk. Lets say he does but it doesn’t affect his job or his boss doesn’t know how he feels. Now his boss fires him because he thinks he’s a lush or is disrespecting him behind his back.
Or a kid post the comming and goings of their parents and someone knows where they live and when is a perfect time to rob the place or hurt the kid who is home alone.
Not every thing that happens in a family needs to be shared.

zenvelo's avatar

@Pandora I don’t entirely disagree. I think children have to be taught what is and isn’t appropriate for the internet, and they should be properly disciplined. (“Disciplined” implies teaching, not punishing.)

But I don’t think a child should be punished for saying he is mad at his mom, or explaining she had a bad day.

My concern with @john65pennington‘s post was that he implied a child should never speak about what is happening at home ever, which means never tell a policeman or a teacher or another trusted adult.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@all So then would it still be a problem if they told friends individually on FB instead of a status update, or instead of posting it on the internet, said the same things to all their friends at school? If so, what makes the internet so different?

Also, so then would them saying those things to anyone show a lack of respect? Aren’t they normally the exact same things they say to your face during the fight that (at least in some cases) they aren’t then punished for?

@zenvelo I have that same concern, especially since most abused kids aren’t going to not tell their friends but do tell a police officer or teacher.

bkcunningham's avatar

@MyNewtBoobs what age are we talking about? The first thing that I thought about, to be honest, is how appropriate is it for children to have FB pages in the first place.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@bkcunningham 13–17. And they have FB pages, and are friends with the parent, so we can assume the parents are ok with some posts.

bkcunningham's avatar

I’ve known of people who were suppose to be grownups who aired their dirty laundry on FB. I don’t understand that mentality. It sounds like there isn’t very much self-respect, respect for the parents or proper communication going on in this case. I know that teens in that age group need others to confide in, but I’d hope they’d do it in a more appropriate setting. You can’t take back words. If it had happened to me, as the parent, I would have been hurt and shocked.

JLeslie's avatar

@MyNewtBoobs My rule for everyone is don’t put something on the internet you are not willing to let everyone see. Relying on security preferences only goes so far.

john65pennington's avatar

Please do not misunderstand my answer. Of course, law violations should be reported to the police. I was referring to a family arguement(no violence), like between brothers and sisters.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@john65pennington Abuse can be verbal, mental, emotional, and will be long before it gets to violence. And since some are pro-corporal punishment, where exactly the line is between strict parenting and abuse can get pretty blurry. Not to mention all the times someone ended up with a broken arm but the courts still decided nothing illegal happened; that it was just a family matter.

Seaofclouds's avatar

To me, it’s mostly about respect, and it goes both ways (children to parents and parents to children). My son is too young for FB, so we haven’t dealt with this, but I have a cousin who has. She has posted on her FB venting about arguements with her dad and it’s really not things she needs to be airing to everyone, in my opinion. At the same time, I have a friend that is constantly posting how bratty her kids are or how much they drive her crazy. Venting that to a close friend in private is one thing, telling everyone on FB about is crossing a line to me.

My son did something that really disappointed me the other day. I don’t think it would’ve been respectful toward him if I posted that for everyone on my FB to see. Instead, I discussed my disappointment with my husband.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@Seaofclouds I guess I kinda get it if the child has 300 FB friends. But if all of their FB friends are actual friends, and all those friends will find out via pm or told in person the next day, I guess I don’t really see the difference.

Seaofclouds's avatar

@MyNewtBoobs I guess it could depend on who the friends on FB are. To me though, I don’t think I need to know some of thee things that are going on between my cousin and her dad, or to hear the disrespectful things she says about him. She has many other family members added to her FB as well, so it’s just things we don’t need to know about their situation.

Pandora's avatar

@zenvelo I was taught that what happens at home stays at home. It doesn’t mean that we didn’t get things off our chest or that we never spoke of things when we were angry or upset but we did the old fashion thing. We picked up a phone and called a friend. We didn’t write every stupid thing that occurred to us to say and put it in print for everyone to read. When I was growing up you could call someone and say you want to kill your parents or teachers. Now putting it in print on the internet or saying it out loud to a bunch of witnesses can land you in a prison cell or at least expelled from school. If I had everything I ever thought or said printed up today, some doc somewhere would be saying I must be a very disturbed individual. I was very hot headed when I was in my teen years and I never guarded my words. I don’t know how many times I said I wanted to kill my siblings over a stupid garment or toy or because they made me miss out in something. After venting I would feel better and it never took long for me to forget what I was mad about. But put stupid crap like that in the computer and not only will the child let it fester, but other people will join in and fan the flame. There are a lot of people who enjoy others miseries. Or someone could get in trouble for a misunderstanding.
I’m not saying to spank the kid over it. But if they aren’t mature enough to understand the danger their outbursts can have than they shouldn’t be allowed to be on the computer and their should be some added punishment so they can better understand that words do hurt people. Like take their cell phones away till they understand that if they need to vent, they should do it on the phone or in person. Not leave written proof of their idiotcy to the whole world.

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