Why do people make me feel guilty about my parents having money?

Jealousy.

No one can make you feel guilty. Sure, some people are rude and make rude comments, but you are ultimately in charge of your feelings. If you appreciate what you have and help others, who cares what other people think.

One thing did stick out to me though. You said “They work for what they earn”. The sad thing is many people work very hard and are paid very little. Just because they earn less doesn’t mean they work less. Sometimes they work very physically demanding jobs and very long hours for little pay. When someone works this hard and struggles, then they see someone coming home from a week long vacation from Mexico, to only complain about something trivial, it hits a nerve.

The only thing you can do is ignore the comments that hurt you.

Money isn’t the magic key to happiness but many people who don’t have it believe that it solves more problems than it actually does. You’re human and you’ll have human issues regardless of your cash flow.

I can see @jonsblond‘s point. It’s obnoxious when people complain about how their new Jimmy Choo shoes pinch their toes when they’re in the presence of people who shop at Payless but it doesn’t sound like you do that.

People will complain about shit no matter how good they have it, so don’t feel bad for complaining.

Just realize you have no right to expect commiseration.

If I was you I’d get in college and study. Be a Doctor. Take advantage of your situation and perhaps you can help someone in the world.

Jealousy. you don’t bother about those fellows

As long as you are not irritating or being difficult, it is ok to complain about things. About other people, just ignore them and be yourself. You don’t have to please them.

Are you, or your family, obvious about having money? Some people make a big deal about being flashy about the things they have. People who don’t have money are jealous about what they think it’s like to have money and the stuff it has. They don’t realize that it doesn’t make someone a better person. In fact, it can be difficult to not be a great person because you have money, and if you have it, it can be hard to know who your real friends are.

jealousy…is it my fault my father makes good financial decisions to push himself into a decent middle class category? Just do good by him and get off the teet as soon as you can. I was told once that I was “born with a silver spoon in my mouth”, it pissed me off so I went as far as possible from my family and got a job where I could be independent. Silver spoon my ass.

Just as you shouldn’t feel ashamed at not having money you shouldn’t feel guilty about having it. Money is money, it comes and it goes.

You are right,your parents can spend their hard earned money anyway they please. Your friends are just jealous.

Your last name must be Jones. You seem smart enough and aware that these people are simply jealous of your standing in life. Enjoy what you have and ignore the ignorant.

Some of it is jealousy as others have said.

However, sometimes people with money can tone it down a little so others feel comfortable and to fit in. I am all for having your own unique style and being your own person, not following the crowd, but if you are constantly wearing or driving clothes and cars that set you apart from the rest of your friends and school, it sometimes feels to the others like you are lording it over them. I am not saying it is your intent, but as you say, they do not understand you, take a moment to understand them. This is part of the reason social class can really be the great divider. It is also a reason why I think uniforms in school are a good idea. A lot of this jealousy goes away in adulthood.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

You are already on the other side and the other jealous chickens hate you for it. This is just normal in life for chickens and people.

You appear to have a good heart and that is all that counts. Keep on being the good person you are…...inside and out.

You know the truth, we know the truth, and I know the truth.

After reading your profile, I would guess that the people who say these things are jealous. You have far more money than they do, you have far more opportunities than they might ever have, and you are complaining? That’s the way it looks to them.

From their perspective, if they have only half the stuff that you have, (blah blah) they would never complain again!

To expand a little on my first answer, jealousy is the simple answer. The attitude of some of the people in Washington may have an effect also. I can’t turn on the news lately without someone from inside the beltway carrying on about the ‘evil rich’ wanting to starve grandma to keep their money.

If the public keeps hearing that the rich don’t want to pay their share, and that rich starts at $250K a year. It is going to affect how they treat people they see as more affluent than themselves.

The answer to this question is not simple and really can’t be given without observing your relationships with people wherever you are living. It sounds to me like there are many differences between you are the people where you live, not just the money issue. You seem to be a newcomer to the community. Perhaps you have more education—certainly different education, and I’m sure there are many other differences.

What it comes down to, I think, is the way you relate to people. The richest person in the world could be very popular amongst poor people because they feel like they can communicate to them. If you respect people and listen and learn from them, they can accept you. If you seem to have an attitude of any kind, that can push them away.

It sounds like you have a chip on your shoulder—but I can’t tell how long it’s been there. Perhaps you feel guilty, and it’s not really they who are making you feel guilty. Again, you might be guilty about your complaining and project that and others pick up on it.

You’re right that everyone is entitled to complain. Still, most people don’t like complainers.

The rich are better off. I think if you show your gratitude for your situation, people are more likely to like you, I think.

Another way the problem can express itself is when you do things with others. If someone is not well off, you don’t want to say, “let’s go to the expensive place,” unless you can pay for them without them feeling uncomfortable. That’s where money has the biggest impact, I think. If you have more money, people just can’t afford to keep up with you and resent it when you want to go to a pricey place. One needs to be sensitive to these things.

Usually, people hang out with people in the same income range, because they reduces these kinds of problems. There is a culture to monetary stratification, too. For the most part, people stay in the same strata as their parents, but there is a little upward and downward mobility. So most people grow up with the culture of their economic class and stay there throughout their lives. That’s why there can be such trouble understanding each other, and it’s also why people who move up or down have such trouble fitting in after the move.

You’ve got a lot of strikes against you. Many of them are not your fault.

There’s another way of looking at this @Brie – it seems obvious to me from your profile, and other answers, that you have quite a sense of humour. I agree that jealousy may be a motivation for people to knock you down, and with @JLeslie – oh and with @wundayatta who types faster than I do! – there are other issues also. But, with humour and above all, gratitude, it should be possible to find some empathy with those around you. Try taking a deep breath and responding directly to something when you feel uncomfortable with what they say.

So, someone says ‘you’ve got nothing to complain about’... Take that breath and pout a bit, ask ‘how come?’ and get them to expand. Get talking about this issue. Poke some fun at yourself, for ‘having’ then see what these supposed ‘have nots’ really want. Friendship is worth more than cash.

What are you complaining about? I admit that if someone who had plenty of money or whose parents had plenty of money was complaining about living in lack it would bum me out.

Like others said, you can’t control your background, & taken in and of itself, coming from privilege is not a problem when it’s the sort of advantage everyone should have.

However, you do have control over your perspective. The vast majority of your experience probably is make possible by the socioeconomic status of your family. It’s very easy not to notice when you have something like that. Yet it’s impossible not to when you lack all the advantages you may have. Your impression of the world is most likely drastically different from the viewpoint of someone from a less-fortunate background. When it’s a struggle to scrape by – a struggle in ways you may not even be able to imagine – perfectly lovely things like your hobbies (which easily require some degree of expendable $, free time and energy left over from working) can seem to be on the extravagant side, even if they seem reasonable & normal to you and your friends.

People will be much more inclined to treat you the way you wish if you take the effort to identify & understand not just the basics of how their economic conditions affect their everyday lives, but their perspective of the world.

Here’s some prompts/thought exercises which might touch upon the ways your perspective is apt to differ from those without the luck you had:

a) Luxuries: If someone gave you $500, would you spend it on stuff you want but couldn’t afford, or would you sigh about those luxuries and hope it might be enough so that, for once, you don’t have to worry whether or not you’ll be able to afford basic living expenses this month? [Or even be lucky enough that you could save it all to hedge against future needs?]

b) Aspirations: Did you get to go to college? Gradschool, even? Did you go – yet had to start your life off $50k+ in debt? Despite all your hard work, were you not free enough from the risk of either not having enough food or proper housing to even consider not just not working, but paying money for the privilege of doing schoolwork & attending classes? .... Now, how would your reasonable expectations for the future – assuming you had no other difficulties in life that would prevent you from working decently hard – change if you couldn’t count on being able to afford housing/transportation close enough to where you work/study?

c) Free time: Suppose that, since late high school, you’ve had to work part-time nonstop (or even full-time!) Now, think of all the ways you’ve developed your interests, deepened connections, grew talents, broadened your perspective & understanding of the world and of yourself. How would the person you recognize be you be different? This is a pretty big question, & you’ll probably have many type of answers, even without spending hours pondering it. Do you ever think less of a person if their interests aren’t as ‘sophisticated’ as yours, in a way that relates to having/not having the free time to develop it?

d) Stress: Also consider how stressful it is to not be economically secure… numerous studies have shown that poverty-related stress basically shortens lifespans, partly by raising the risk of many diseases. More subjectively, to put it starkly, how deep is your understanding of hardship and suffering? Is it something that occasionally happens, & while it sucks, is something one can still recover from (spiritually, morally, physically, economically) due to all the other things you get to experience in life? Do you have more than an abstract understanding what it’s like to have a series of setbacks, or to find yourself in pervasively bad conditions – like, have you been close friends with, or seen this in enough acquaintances that it seems less unusual? I truly do not mean to belittle or invalidate any difficulties you’ve had in your life – trust me, I hate it when people think that those who’re financially comfortable can’t have any major problems; but consider pondering how worse they would be even with the ambient stress of ongoing economic difficulty. What would you’ve done without the opportunities for coping that comes with health insurance, guaranteed housing, food? It’s not as fun as massages or getting to stay with friends at their vacation cabins for awhile, but having reliable, nutritious food is essential for being able to cope… and for some people, harder to obtain than a however badly-needed weekend on a lake.

Personally, one thing that really gave me a deeper appreciation for what most of the world goes through was accidently (despite planning) finding myself stranded late at night – several times, I might add – in a major city in an area most people wouldn’t consider perfectly safe for a young woman. It changed my whole perspective about the fun I was having, as it’s hard to let go & enjoy it when you don’t know if you’ll find a safe place to go. Another, similarly, is visiting another city just long enough that you don’t have enough cash left to buy an entire meal. Even if you haven’t worked a day in your life & still had the freedom and $ to try that exercise on your own, it’s pretty sobering to see how different a city full of cool things to do & all sorts of food places seems when you have to decide between having enough $ to get yourself home or buying just enough cheap food not to be cranky all day.

Anytime this happens, remind your adult-in-training friends your parents and their money are not you and the money is not your money. You deserve to be considered as an individual, might as well start training the people around you now.

Bitterness. I can’t deny that I have felt bitter towards friends of mine that have well off parents and live off their parents wealth. I try not to feel bitter about it but working four jobs to make ends meat will sometimes do that to a person, i’m not saying it’s right to feel this way but I can’t a.

I have to add that I only tend to feel bitter when people are born into money and survive off that. The ones that EARN their own wealth I have a lot of time for.

If you’re not selfish, you’re not selfish. It doesn’t matter what people say. If you think your complaints are worth complaining about, find someone who will be there for you and listen. People are weird about money. It really is a problem when you don’t have any and others just seem to have so much without doing anything (having parents with money may seem like you’re not doing anything for money even if you are).