If you had a good friend with multiple health problems and yet she continues to eat the worst food imaginable, would you say something to her?

No. It’s none of my business, and it’s unlikely that she lives in the US but is the one person who is somehow unaware of her unhealthy eating habits – reminders of how bad pretty much everyone’s diet is (no matter what) are everywhere; it’s like smoking cigarettes, you just can’t escape it. Combining that with that maybe she’d rather live happily now than unhappily for a long time, and there’s really not a whole lot of good that can come from me bringing it up.

I guess maybe you need to figure out if she knows it is bad food or not. If she knows I would say nothing.

I remember once going to dinner with my very close friend, her parents and her grandma. Her gandmother ordered chicken fingers because she had recently had a heart attack and now needed to eat healthy. Clueless.

@JLeslie So, what had she been eating? Was chicken fingers a step in the healthy direction for her?

My impression, as I search my memory, was she thought red meat was really bad. So I think chicken to her was moving in the right direction, even if it was dipped in batter and deep fried. This was 20 years ago, but even then I knew better.

I watched that Jamie Oliver show when he was in that town in West Virginia, and people really are completely clueless even with all the info out there about what is healthy or not. Of course thereis some argument even among the experts about the best diet, but more or less we know what is for sure really bad news.

I have a couple of friends who gave up meat for health reasons, but still eat a ton of dairy, and then wonder why their cholesterol has not come down. Clueless.

I think if it’s a good friend, you’re entitled to one carefully-worded “I’m worried about you” comment.

MYOB.

If this friend isn’t close enough for you to discuss it comfortably, you should not. However, with a close friend, I would mention that my nutritionist won’t let me eat like that, I wonder why your doctor hasn’t referred you to a nutritionist.

Me and my best friend have a friend who is exactly like the person you described. Unfortunately our friend is not much of a reader and doesn’t pay much attention to the news, so I don’t think she (or a lot of people in the U.S.) truly know what healthy food is. Even though the information is clearly out there. But people that don’t have an inkling about that knowledge in the first place, will never seek it out. It’s not on their radar.

It’s kind of like me and sports. I know it exists, but I know nothing about it, it doesn’t interest me and I don’t seek out information about it.

Our friend is pre-diabetic, has a thyroid condition, rosacea, and is overweight. Me and my best friend are vegetarians and we take a lot of interest in our health and well being and what kinds of food we put into our bodies. Whenever we all dine out together, our other friend will not set foot in a vegetarian restaurant, because the food sounds so awful and scary to her. She would be happy to eat chicken fingers (or the equivalent) every single day of her life. Subsequently, we usually eat at random restaurants, as long as they have one thing that us vegetarians can eat.

Me and my best friend enjoy talking about food and going to exotic restaurants and trying new, but healthy things, so when all of us are together, the conversation often turns to food and nutrition. But most of our “chatter” falls on deaf ears. It’s not like our friend is purposely ignoring what we have to say, it’s just that she has zero knowledge about the subject of how poor eating habits can contribute to health problems. There’s a dis-connect.

We don’t want to be mean to her or beat her over the head with our knowledge, but we will often try to throw in simple tidbits of information and hope that our friend will remember it and take it to heart. So far, this approach has not worked.

Sometimes it makes me mad, because I love and care about her. But you can’t force information down people’s throats and I always remember myself and the sports reference. Sports just doesn’t compute for me, so when I hear people talking about it, they may as well be speaking in a foreign language. It just goes right over my head. I’m afraid that’s the same way for my friend (and maybe yours) with regards to nutrition information.

Your best bet might be to tell her that you just got back from your annual physical (whether you did or not) and ask her when was the last time she had one. If she can’t remember, then gently prod her to set up an appointment and then throw in some tidbits about how your doctors said this or that and your doctor suggested seeing a nutritionist and somehow attempt to relate it to her conditions. And ask her if she wants you to go with her. You can also draw up a list of questions (on paper) that you can give to her to ask her doctor. Tell her that you used this list (during your exam) so that you could get the answers and not forget what to ask the doctor. Tell her the list made it so much more convenient.

Some potential questions:

What tests will you be giving me?

After the tests come back, should I make another appt to see you, or will you contact me?

I have some close relatives that have (fill in the blank for their conditions) should I be concerned that I might have those conditions too?

I am currently taking X,Y and Z for this condition, should I continue this routine, or do I need to change some of my meds?

Am I the correct weight for my height? If not, what activities or changes in diet should I make?

Are there any foods that I should avoid to help keep my (fill in the blank condition) at bay?

Are there any foods or supplements that I should add into my diet to maintain my health?

Can you set up an appointment for me to see a nutritionist?

What kinds of exercises should someone my age be doing? And how often do I need to do those exercises?

I have some pain (name the places). What can you recommend for that?

Do I need to have a stress test or any other kind of test to check my heart health?

Will you be checking me for diabetes?

Will you be doing any kind of cancer screening?

Do I need any kind of gynecological tests? Or a breast examination?

@Kardamom Maybe she doesn’t contribute because she knows what you’re doing, and wishes the conversation would turn to something other than judging her, which it won’t if she joins in.

I think @Kardamom list is too long for someone who isn’t doing much for their health right now. You have to be happy with minor changes. I think @MyNewtBoobs is probably right. People who have been vegetarians a long time (I am going to generalize here) usually eat very different foods than people who eat poorly, very different. Different in taste, texture, and it is very foreign for someone who eats McDonalds, frozen pizza, and at TGIFridays.

I think if you say something and she is receptive to some ideas, make it really simple. The worst culprits. My own cholesterol runs high, I am not fat, although I would love to lose 10 pounds, and I eat reasonbly compared to the average American and I exercise. My cholesterol goes down 50 points in a couple of weeks if I cut out egg yolks and sweets like cake, pie, the obvious stuff. My cholesterol is still high even dropping 50 points, but better than nothing right? Most people don’t realize how much cholesterol is in an egg yolk (basically like a 10 oz steak, and how often do you eat just one egg?) Or, how much fat and calories is in just one oreo, and probabky better to go with cake than a cookie. And, dairy products are just as bad as eating meat and chicken, sometimes the dairy has even more fat.

What I am trying to say is don’t hope for tofu, and brown rice, and and a veggie only meal (I know I am stereotyping) but for minor changes.

Lastly, if you are heavy yourself, I have no idea if you are, you probably can’t say anything because she will think you have nerve, and if you are thin, she might think you just don’t get it. See, fat people tend to be in denial about how many calories they actually eat, how much food. They will say they eat well, or barely eat, and it usually just isn’t true. If they spent a week with a thin person they might rewlly see the drastic difference, it isn’t just lucky metabolism usually.

@MyNewtBoobs My particular friend actually does join in the conversations about food and seems very happy to do so. She enjoys talking about food and restaurants as much as we do. She just doesn’t seem to have any idea what is healthy and what is not. That’s what I meant about the subject falling on deaf ears.

@YARNLADY is correct that my friend has a huge fear of trying anything “weird” like tofu or brown rice, but we never eat at those types of restaurants when we are with her (or anyone else for that matter) so even at a regular restaurant where there is a choice of grilled chicken or deep fried chicken fingers, or french fries or a salad, or plain iced tea or a sugary soda my friend will always choose the un-healthier stuff just because she likes the taste of it and that’s what she’s used to and that’s what everybody in her family eats. The healthfulness of a meal simply doesn’t play into it.

My friend and I are not judging her in any way. We are very concerned for her because she does have some serious health issues as do her siblings and her father. And her mother died fairly young and had some of the same conditions as my friend. We don’t beat her up about any of it and don’t make any suggestions to her at all other than to offer her a taste of something that we are eating.

My friend actually said something kind of funny on one of our outings. She said that she was trying to eat more healthy because her sister was trying to lose weight, so instead of ordering the spaghetti and meatballs, which is what she really wanted, she was opting for the breaded chicken fingers, because chicken is supposed to be healthy. Not much you can do with that statement.

@Kardamom I think you meant me not yarnlady. A bunch of us have her avatar for a prank today. Your last paragraph is almost identical to the last paragraph in my first answer at the very top. Just shows how many people really don’t understand waht is in the food they eat in terms of carbs, fat, cholesterol, fat, protein, etc. They just have certain ideas about certain foods.