If you were to describe how your week went in the style of a news report, what would you say?

THIS JUST IN!
I f’d up last night and went to an art opening that isn’t until tonight.Full story yesterday. ;)

@lucillelucillelucille For real, or just a leg pull?

Cockswain spends last evening in Alabama in a terrible karaoke bar.

@ucme -Yes,for real.I am about to gussy up to do exactly what I did last night.XD
Practice makes perfect

@lucillelucillelucille Ooh you dizzy dumpling XD
They whoever the hell they are say things are better second time around. So if you believe in cheesy cliches, the omens look good ;¬}

TRUE STORY: Kate had stressful finals and then gave up on life and drank her feelings away.

Breaking news death threat shakes 3 local kids to their core!!!

Twelve Ounces That Shook The World

Blondesjon, Mid-America – After nearly five days of uninterrupted sobriety that had even some skeptics believing that teetotalism may indeed become a reality in this booze torn region, Blondesjon has once again broken out in drunk.

All we know as of now is that it happened late Friday afternoon during the religious ceremony known to locals here as Happy Hour. After several hours of loud music and alcohol consumption a large belch rang out and a voice was heard to exclaim, “You heard me! Fuck the wagon!”

As one Jaeger shocked witness told this reporter, “I’ve been a citizen of Blondesjon all of my life and well, seriously, what did you think was gonna happen?”

More details as this story unfolds . . .

…................................Lack Of Sleep Held Responsible For Run Away Nose…..........................

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Queenie Flutherite is very worried and has become ill, due to her ‘runny’ nose. She gave us a statement this morning after waking up to find that due to her lack of sleep, her nose lost all sense and decided to constantly begin running.
“I’m just feeling so horrible.”, she said, “I can’t smell anything and I can’t taste my food. All I can feel is the soreness my nose is feeling after running constantly for hours and hours.”
She then continued on to say “I just hope it decides to forgive me and come back. Nose, please, if you’re reading this, come back. I miss you and don’t think life will be worth living without you to smell and help me taste everything. Please come back, I need you.”
Queenie Flutherite had to stay up for an extended length of time after getting only 4 hours sleep the previous night, due to some exams she had, and then noisy neighbours partying later on the next night. She now hopes that wherever her beloved nose is, it will forgive her for not letting it rest and come back to her.
If you have seen a suspicous nose, or a nose zooming past without stopping, please contact Queenie on :
http://www.fluther.com/users/queenie/
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“This just ‘in’.................(and now it’s out).....I HAD AN ECSTATIC TIME!!”

‘And speaking of good news’….AmWiser is still alive and kicking. She also has a room in the 10K Mansion.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to alert the community that Coloma kicked ass in her yard today and party time is 1p.m. tomorrow.

Unemployment, funemployment!: Girl loves new job!

Breaking News! Engineer finally gets 7 days off in a row and manages to waste it all fixing things that broke while he was away!

No comment. That’s how embarrassingly slow it was.