Social Question

CBrennan15's avatar

My Girlfriend is mad at me..can anyone tell me why?

Asked by CBrennan15 (353 points ) May 13th, 2011

The other day I was visiting my girlfriend at school. She left for class for a couple hours so I was just in her room by myself with some time to kill. There were some notebooks lying on her desk that I assumed were just notebooks with notes in them. I just casually flipped through them and realized one of them was a diary. It was atleast 1 or 2 years old and all it had written in it was standard diary stuff…boys, hookups, roommate issues stuff like that. I stopped reading because I felt a little weird doing it.

When she came back, I made the mistake of teasing her a little bit about it. Honestly, it was good natured ribbing in my eyes because that’s the kind of relationship we have. But she FREAKED OUT. She honestly acted like I cheated on her or something. I apologized and admitted that it was wrong of me to do, but at the end of the day, it’s just a diary and she’s acting like I’m the worst boyfriend ever. Any advice?? Oh, and btw I’m 22 and she’s 21

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

31 Answers

Seelix's avatar

It’s an invasion of her privacy. You should’ve stopped reading as soon as you realized what it was, and either not mentioned it to her or just out and apologized without bugging her about it.

nikipedia's avatar

Wow, are you kidding? Here’s why she’s mad:

(1) You read her diary
(2) You teased her about it instead of begging for forgiveness

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I would be very angry at you too.
Teasing her was a big mistake as you know and a simple apology won’t cut it either.
If I were you,I would get real creative with a sincere apology soon.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Dude, if you’re this clueless you might want to try dating another species.

marinelife's avatar

You know why she’s mad at you. She told you.

1. You violated her privacy by reading her personal writings. When you saw what it was, you didn’t stop.

2. You teased her about some of her most intimate moments and thoughts.

To figure out how she feels, turn this around. You wrote down all your hopes, fears, foibles when you were younger. She read them and then teased you about them. About the time you had a wet dream when you were sleeping over at a friend’s house. About a dorky thing you said to a girl in junior high.

Think about how you would feel.

I would no longer trust you. Not only not to read my stuff, but most especially not to use your knowledge of my feelings against me.

I will be surprised if she doesn’t break up with you.

Cruiser's avatar

You stepped in it big time and next time heed the lesson I hope you learned.

ucme's avatar

Looking in your girlfriends diary is tantamount to peeking up her mothers skirt. It ain’t pretty & you’re going to end up with a slapped face.

WasCy's avatar

Forget about the diary. Forget about the teasing. Those are bad enough, though.

You went rummaging through her stuff while she trusted you alone in her room. Total violation of trust, regardless of “what you thought” or “the kind of relationship we have”.

Pandora's avatar

It doesn’t matter if her diary is filled with what you considered silly stuff. These are her own personal ideas and you teasing her told her that you felt her feelings are trivial. I know you didn’t mean it to be mean but it really does come across as being inconsiderate. She will feel poorly about confiding any of her future feelings with you thinking you will see them as silly and stupid.
1.In short you made her feel stupid for keeping a diary.
2. Also made her feel stupid for trusting you in her room.
3. Stupid for ever had trusted your feelings for her. She will no doubt erase any benefit of doubts she has given you in the past.
4. By reading her diary, you really went beyond the bounderies of trust and then you stepped all over heart when you did it.
She was probably feeling very vunerable when she discovered you read it and then you added insult to injury. Good Job! It will be a wonder if she decides to stay with you after that.
Most people put their most intimate thoughts in diaries.
You might as well had spit on her while screwing her girlfriend on her bed where you threw out all her stuff found in her purse along with her underwear drawer and then taken a picture and posted it on facebook.

poisonedantidote's avatar

Because IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!!! hmmpf

Bellatrix's avatar

Sheesh, you read her private thoughts. If she wanted you to read her diaries, I am sure she would have given them to you. You cannot be so stupid that you didn’t realise you were invading her privacy and pretending you think she is overreacting and you did nothing wrong will just cement the crime.

If you don’t know, let me tell you, reading other people’s mail (email or physical mail), their diaries or any personal papers is totally wrong.

lemming's avatar

Big mistake @CBrennan15, you never read someones diary. My mother always said it was a sid to read someone elses diary. But you have different views. Tell her you didn’t think it was such a big deal and that you’d let her read yours if you had one.

AmWiser's avatar

Well, you’re in big doo-doo now as you can see by the above posts. What you need now is some great damage control advice. Good luck with that one!

Seelix's avatar

I just wanted to add:

It doesn’t matter how old the diary was.
It doesn’t matter what she had written in it.
It doesn’t matter if you don’t think it was a big deal or if it wouldn’t have bothered you if she had done the same to you.
It doesn’t matter if you only bugged her about it because you have “that kind of relationship”.

Blueroses's avatar

You need to give her a very sincere apology without a trace of “but I think you overreacted” subtext. Even if you normally have a playful relationship there are some sacred grounds that never lend themselves to banter and you’ve found one.

JilltheTooth's avatar

You rifled through her personal papers. Huge breach of trust. That shows no respect.

Blueroses's avatar

The OP is no longer a member

JilltheTooth's avatar

I guess he didn’t like our answers.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Crap. I was thinking of apologizing for being so harsh and try to come with something better than what I said.

JilltheTooth's avatar

Well, that’s just a little weird, the OP has been here at least three months, he shouldn’t be so surprised if people don’t agree with him.

Blueroses's avatar

I think he overreacted. ;)

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I just don’t feel good about driving someone out. But if he doesn’t understand basic trust issues by his age, I guess he has to get a wakeup call somewhere along the line.

JilltheTooth's avatar

Oh, @Adirondackwannabe , I’ve seen people be a lot harsher than you were! And really, you were right. ;-)

WasCy's avatar

Maybe he didn’t realize that’s just the kind of relationship we have here… with everyone.

blueiiznh's avatar

What a turd you are dude! Not only did you read it knowing what it was, you joked about it.
Those were private thoughts not meant for anyones eyes.

Bailiff, whack his peepee

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@JilltheTooth It was a little harsh, especially if you don’t me.
@blueiiznh Your second NICE in two days.

emeraldisles's avatar

Dude you should just be glad she didn’t break up with you over this. Try thinking next time.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@JilltheTooth That was supposed to be know me. Duh

blueiiznh's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe love the new category of lurve – NICE!

linguaphile's avatar

He probably left for the very same reason he didn’t validate his girlfriend’s feelings.

gm_pansa1's avatar

It’s a privacy thing. I’d freak out too.

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther