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Kokoro's avatar

How do you decide who is worthy of your friendship?

Asked by Kokoro (1413 points ) May 16th, 2011

I have always had the thought of how much good there is in people. Are people born good or born bad? I seemed to have many disappointments in friends, and can’t decide if my expectations of a person is too high (I know nobody’s perfect, but), or if I am doing the right thing following my gut.

For instance: a friend continually disappoints you, do you distance yourself from them or continue to forgive? Where is that line?

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13 Answers

erichw1504's avatar

Depends on their ability to throw a decent nekked pancake party.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

If they are not trustworthy,then they are not a friend to me.
Actions speak louder than words.

ucme's avatar

Gut instinct usually, it’s never let me down yet…....well, there was Trevor from accounts but we don’t talk about that ;¬}

Coloma's avatar

It’s all about self awareness. I cannot be in relationships of any kind with unaware peeople that are clueless as to why they are the way they are.

There is plenty of evidence that the sociopathic personalities have a big ‘bad seed’ component.

Most of us are a product of our upbringing and culture, which leaves plenty of room to ‘improve’ yourself and your relational skills.

It can take YEARS to see how another shows up, and yes, I easily let go of what some term ‘toxic’ friends, people.

Just let a 7 yr. ‘friend’ go a few months ago when her passive aggressive manipulations became far too obvious to overlook. I try ONCE and only ONCE to communicate with someone, if they can’t ‘own’ their shit and hear me..well..don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

My deal breakers are..

Don’t take your stuff out on me
Don’t lie to me
Don’t attempt to manipulate me.

If you show me these traits more than once…game over! ;-)

gailcalled's avatar

I would not use that language. One tries out friendships and sees where it leads.

An intimate and enduring friendship develops gradually. And as we age, we grow closer and or more distant depending on many factors.

See what @Coloma took the time to write (leaving me free not to). She is on the mark.

Cruiser's avatar

Someone who is continually disappointing you is not really a friend and exerting any effort towards them is wasted energy. Always follow your gut it is almost always right!

Coloma's avatar

My mantra has been, for years now, ” better to walk alone than in the company of fools.” lol

Don’t get me wrong, I am hardly ‘perfect’, but I strive for the best communication and honest relating possible with others.

I only ‘expect’ from others what I expect from myself, first and foremost of all. ;-)

Anyone can have a bad moment, the dif. is that the healthy person will take responsibility, almost immediately, while the unconscious one will only be interested in protecting their pride and ego.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

I generally find that people who reach out to me are worthy of my friendship. Some of those friendships have faded due to actions or inactions on one person’s part or another. Sometimes it’s hard to pinpoint.

A friend who continually disappoints me causes me to look at my expectations. I look at me. I learn from these times about myself and use that knowledge the next time I have a chance to be with that particular friend.

I learned some years ago that in any relationship I have 3 choices when things go bad:
1. accept what the friend is offering and enjoy it
2. want more and be miserable when I don’t get
3. leave

marinelife's avatar

Worthy of your friendship? That sounds suspicious. They are worthy of being your friend by how they act toward you.

If they continually hurt or disappoint you, then move on.

wundayatta's avatar

I should be so lucky as to find a new friend. Generally they need to be interested in similar things, and agree with me about a lot. They have to like me and want to spend time with me (i.e., invite me to do stuff with them). We need to have fun together without even trying. They also need to have my wife’s approval—not active approval, just that if she tells me the person is forbidden, that’s it.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

If I meet a person who understands exactly who and what I am, and they love me anyway, I’ll be pleased to call them “friend”.

yankeetooter's avatar

I want to be friends with those who not afraid to be honest with me, even if my initial reaction may be anger…I need someone who will always stick up for me, always “have my back”. I want someone for a friend who truly loves me for who I am, who encourages me to make positive changes in my life but does not judge me if I just can’t make those changes…and doesn’t stop being my friend because of that…

And I expect to be the same type of friend to my friends…

Kool_Gal's avatar

I just accept the ones that accept me the way I am as I accept them the way they are. I don’t expect too much from my friends and that won’t give them an opportunity to expect something from me either. Just don’t try to cross my path and We’ll be just fine.

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