Why isn't anyone ripping apart the married guy involved with another woman?

Is this about Newt?

Wha?

Often @Adirondackwannabe , seriously criticizing him will just arouse her sympathies, and make him seem even more “tragic and wonderful” instead of the lying scum-sucking dickwad he really is.

@johnpowell This was going through my head as I was reading the answers to the other woman question in general.

I’ve never understood why “the other woman” is excoriated – it’s the husband who took a vow.

In that question, I think it’s just because she is the one here asking the question. He’s an ass, plain and simply (and putting it mildly), but telling her that won’t change what she’s doing. If the guy was the one here asking the question, I’m sure the answers would look much different.

It depends on who it is.

Because he’s not here for us to rip apart?

I would contend that, at least some of the time, it’s not that we don’t blame the man, or think he did something horrible. It’s that our opinion of him was already so low, somehow cheating on his wife can’t really do that much to lower our opinion of him. But the woman – her, we had hopes for.

Umm…. I blame the guy.

I blame both of them quite frankly.

I’m with @tedd on this. I blame both. There are so many people (men and women) who don’t give a shit about another person’s marriage and just go after what they want. Pretty crappy behavior imo.

We live in a man’s world.

@jonsblond said it best. I’ve seen women go after a man knowing he is married, but not caring or maybe it’s the thrill of taking someone away from someone else. But the man is to blame for not honoring his vows too.

is this question in reference to a specific Fluther question or just being asked generally?

I’m with @MyNewtBoobs on this. The guy wasn’t the one asking. She was. I didn’t tear her apart, either. I just said “You’re not falling for THAT old line, are you?”

I’d rip apart his you-know-what if I could reach it.

But he wasn’t asking.

I think that the answers to these types of questions do often blame the guy, it’s just that it’s cloaked in words like “you have to respect yourself more” or “his behaviour raises a red flag”. Gently does it when getting someone to face up to their own personal disaster in the making.

@jca I was just following the answers to the question about falling for a married man and it’s going through my mind: What the heck? He’s married, he’s messing around with someone else. What standards are we holding him to? Same thoughts would apply to a married woman fooling around. Don’t the vows or commitment mean anything?

@Adirondackwannabe Just in case you haven’t seen it yet, the OP in that question just added some more details that might change the situation a bit now.

@Seaofclouds Thanks, I’ll go look. GA for just being nice.

@Seaofclouds Went, looked, thought life isn’t ever simple is it?

@Adirondackwannabe Apparently it’s not for some people.

@Adirondackwannabe: after I asked that question I saw the question about married men.