Social Question

Zaxwar91's avatar

NSFW, Does size matter or does trying and being a good guy count?

Asked by Zaxwar91 (222 points ) June 1st, 2011

Ok. I’m an average guy. I’m in good shape. I’m smart and I’m a hard worker. I’m extremely loyal and a bit of a cynical romantic. If I’m in a relationship I give it my best shot. But I aim high on the bar. I mean really attractive women. Getting them is easy but keeping them is hard. Im a nice guy. I hate it when women stereotype all guys as assholes. But when I finally think its going good it ends and she ends up with some asshole. Im beginning to think that its the sex. Again. I’m an average guy. I’m not hung like a fucking horse. But it makes me ask the question if it’ll always be that way. I really want to love somebody beautiful but when they find someone better they leave. Does size matter even when you look good and treat them even better. I need insight to this.

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87 Answers

Plucky's avatar

I really think it matters more what you do with it , rather than how big it is.

Maybe the problem is the type of women you’re going for ..and not your um size.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

As @PluckyDog said, size doesn’t matter, what matters is how you use it.
I don’t think there could be anything wrong about you. It could be that you have not found someone who’s your type. Keep on experimenting.

chewhorse's avatar

If it does then your messing with the wrong women.. Superficial is as superficial does. If you think size matters then engage in longer and more intense foreplay then sooth them with body contact (hugs and caressing) afterward.. This will be the great equalizer.

jerv's avatar

I have been happily married (for over a decade) to a woman that buys me stuff because she thinks I am nice, not because I am swinging a Louisville Slugger which I’m not.

rooeytoo's avatar

I think it is your attitude that is the problem. You say you are average but you want a “really attractive,” and later a “beautiful” woman. First of all really attractive women are probably looking for really attractive men, or at least very rich men, not average guys.

When you adjust your attitude you might get lucky and find a nice but probably average looking woman. And then hopefully you will love her for what she is, not what she looks like and vice versa.

Plucky's avatar

@rooeytoo You said it more gutsy than I did ..GA :)

meiosis's avatar

What @rooeytoo said.

If your girlfriends sense that they’re just arm candy (which it seems is their primary function for you) then it’s hardly surprising that they don’t hang around. Many beautiful women are anxious that their partners love them for who they are, not their looks, which are destined to fade.

JilltheTooth's avatar

Attractive women are not universally stupid. They can tell pretty quickly if a guy is mostly interested in how good they look. How about all the “nice-looking” but not “beautiful” women out there? Questions like this come up fairly often, and are frankly a bit insulting to all the women who don’t fit the media standards of “beautiful”. If you really are a “nice guy”, your parameters wouldn’t be so narrow.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Another vote for @rooeytoo.
Also, if you even have to question if the sex isn’t good then you’re not getting outstanding feedback from the girls which means there’s probably something in the action rather than the size of what your parts are. If you are not circumcised then there are a lot of women who may not go back for repeat performances. It’s no more shallow on their part than your preference for their looks.

Bellatrix's avatar

Again, what @rooeytoo said. Couldn’t put it any better. I have dumped a man because of the size of his penis. You must not have a very high opinion of these women if you think that is why they dumped you? Have you asked them why they don’t want to see you? Perhaps you should try that. You might learn something.

JilltheTooth's avatar

@Bellatrix : “I have dumped a man because of the size of his penis…” Doesn’t that kind of prove the OP’s point???

LuckyGuy's avatar

Get a copy of Freakonomics and look at the chapter that discusses what men and women really want. It is based upon data from 10’s of millions of dates (70 or 90 million) from Match ,com and others.
Income was the highest factor on the list. It was well above age, looks, personality, size, weight, and the desire to take long walk s in the park.

Do you have a good job or business with high income potential?
I know it sounds shallow but 70 million dates can’t be all wrong.

Remember, looks fade. The “attractive” ones don’t necessarily stay that way forever. You will find gems in the average group and be a lot happier in the long run.

Bellatrix's avatar

“That was meant to say I have NEVER dumped a man because of the size of his penis”. Note to self don’t fluther and watch glee simultaneously :D

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
Bellatrix's avatar

It still sounds to me like, if a woman breaks up with you, you should ask her why. We can only generalise. I sincerely doubt it has anything to do with the size of your penis though. You need to ask them directly and sincerely.

Zaxwar91's avatar

I have. With two different women. Both said no but the thought is still there. Thus I asked the question.

Hibernate's avatar

Better ask those who broke up with you .. maybe there are things out of your hands or maybe they like to suffer… who knows

Bellatrix's avatar

That is quite probably about your insecurity then. They said no. Why would they lie? Did they tell you why they broke up with you? I really think if these women did break up with you because of your penis size, they would not be very nice people. Do you think your character judgement is so poor? Were they very superficial people? Dishonest? I haven’t dated a man with a really tiny penis but I know women who have and they have said the person involved was a great lover. Great love making involves a lot more than having a large member. I honestly can’t remember meeting a woman who was obsessed with penis size. Really, I haven’t. Not saying they don’t exist, but I don’t think they are the norm.

Zaxwar91's avatar

The last two women I have dated said it was because I was too nice. One is still single for all I know but the other hooked up with a real prick who treats her like dirt. Why would she put herself through that if he didn’t have something I didn’t. And its NOT the money and she deserves better.

JilltheTooth's avatar

Maybe when they say “too nice” they mean that you are too insecure. Or maybe wishy-washy. Do you always agree with them? Never voice your own strong opinions? Always ask what they want to do rather than expressing your own preferences? I once briefly dated a man who was upset that I broke up with him because he claimed to have treated me right by always taking me to nice restaurants, giving me nice little things, and doing what I wanted. It palled pretty quickly because I felt more like a pampered pet than a person. He rarely expressed his own opinion about something unless I had already expressed mine, then he always agreed, but could not expound on why. I’m not suggesting that you be disagreeable, but consider her more as a person and not as a trophy to be won. “Too nice” can get tiresome as quickly as “not nice enough”.

marinelife's avatar

What does it mean that you only want beautiful women? I am not so sure that you’re a nice guy. That sounds kind of shallow.

What about all of the just OK looking, great, nice women out there? Perhaps you are looking for love in the wrong places.

As for size mattering, it generally does not. Are you a thoughtful lover? Do you take time with foreplay? Do you put your partner’s satisfaction up front?

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I so want to answer this sarcastically but you guys are giving out good advice. Ah, screw it, it’s in social.I found that getting my penis surgically enhanced helped attract the really beautiful women. I’d go to the skanky bars, perch near the bathrooms, and lay it across the aisle so they’d trip over it on the way to the ladies room. I got more action than I could count from the most classy beauties ever. It worked like a charm until I met the love of my life.

bkcunningham's avatar

Exactly what size are we talking about here?

WasCy's avatar

@JilltheTooth is onto something. Women don’t always follow Emerson’s advice to “speak what [they] think in words as hard as cannon balls”. Saying that you’re “too nice” is like saying that you’re “too rich” or “too handsome”. Would you believe either of those things? If you swallow that, then maybe you’re… damn, I really don’t want to complete this thought. Perhaps you are smart enough to complete it for me in your own head?

tedd's avatar

I’ve been told by various girls that size does in fact matter, but not really that much. Its a visual thing more than anything, and you could be hung like a horse and still be awful in bed and hung like a 10 year old and be simply stunning.

Some guys dig huge boobs, but it doesn’t mean an A cup might not be the best lay or the woman of their dreams.

tedd's avatar

Side note, ladies… if your man is smaller, or average even… for the love of god don’t tell him that… lol…. LIE TO US…. As far as I’m concerned I’d like to think my penis is the larges penis you’ve ever seen in your life. I’m sure I could live knowing it isn’t, and at heart I probably know you’re lying to me…. But this is one area where stroking our ego (some pun intended), is most definitely appreciated.

Seelix's avatar

I thought I’d weigh in here as a fairly attractive woman (I think) who has been on both ends of the extreme: I’ve been in long-term relationships with a man who is larger than average and with a man who is smaller than average.

It really doesn’t matter all that much. If your girl is accustomed to being with larger men, that just means you’ll have to give her other types of attention.

Maybe the issue here isn’t that they’re unimpressed in the bedroom. Maybe the ladies are unimpressed with your need to seek out “really attractive” women. Every woman, whether she’s an average size 14 American or a size 0 supermodel, believes she has physical flaws.

creative1's avatar

Really now, since you want some eye candy you shouldn’t complain when she shoots you down and finds someone else. Relationships are more than about looks, looks fade with time people change with age so this eye candy you want could be the uglist person on the inside and tat will eventually show on the outside. Look for inner beauty instead of just someone who looks good on your arm and it won’t matter what size your dick is because she will love you for you.

Uberwench's avatar

The average aroused vagina is five inches long, the pleasure-providing nerve endings are concentrated near the entrance of the vagina, and studies suggest that only 30% of woman can achieve orgasm through vaginal intercourse. It’s not all about the penis, guys.

Size does matter a little bit, though. If you’re so big it’s painful, or if you’re so small it’s like nothing’s there, you’re going to have to compensate. That’s compensate, not go without. Maybe some women won’t be willing to compromise, but most will. I have only known one woman who rejected men for being too small, and she grew out of it. I have known two who rejected men for being too large, but they were particularly shallow vagina-wise.

KatawaGrey's avatar

Oh man, I am so tired of this shit. Whenever I see a question like this, I am so thankful to be out of the dating world.

You wanna know a little secret about women? Not a single one of us wants to be with a guy who only wants to have to sex with us. We can tell when you do. That “asshole” your super hot ex-lady is dating? He’s probably not an asshole. You just think he’s an asshole because she’s dating him and not you.

Just because a few super hot women don’t want to date you doesn’t mean we’re all assholes. In fact, those women are probably not assholes. Those women probably realized that you have no interest in what they say or they’re afraid they would lose you if they stopped looking so good.

In summary, women do care about size, but not the size of your penis. We care about the size of your perception. If you’ve got a narrow perception based only on physical beauty, well, that’s a mighty mall perception. If you’ve got a wider perception and start dating a girl because she reads the same books as you, or listens to that one, weird band same as you, or because you two have the best conversations in addition to a nice, pretty but not super model hot face, then, guess what? These girls and by “these girls” I mean “all girls” will be interested in you.

Why is it okay for a man to blame all women when he’s wronged by one or two ex-girlfriends but when a woman does that, she’s told not to blame all men for the actions of the few?

Seelix's avatar

@KatawaGrey – Thank you. Well said.

JilltheTooth's avatar

Nicely put, @KatawaGrey ! I knew I could count on you!

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@KatawaGrey Loved it. I held back as much as I could, now I kind of regret not going all out.

Paradox1's avatar

If you keep dating and learning as you go your results can only improve so long as you under stand the things not to do and focus on the things girls like

angelique_1's avatar

i think that the way you treat a woman is important. do you realize that there are women looking for a man to be good to them, to be kind, and gentle. the size doesnt matter at all. as long as you not only please their bodies but heart, youve a wonderful man. most men are average, so dont worry about it. youre right paradox. learn from the experences you had. all women arent that way, just like all men arent assholes. men like you are only found in the movies.

bkcunningham's avatar

Are we talking vienna sausage or kielbasa?

JilltheTooth's avatar

@Zaxwar91 : I’m curious, how do you know the new guy treats her like dirt? What do you consider being treated like dirt? You back-pedaled frantically from the original tone of your question when we questioned your sincerity, and now say you have knowledge to which we are not privy. Fine. Enlighten us.

KatawaGrey's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe: I’m a nerd girl. For every girl who plays magic, there are probably ten to fifteen men who do. Many of these guys have no experience with the opposite sex so they think a girl playing magic will have sex with them no matter what. When I don’t to, I’m the bitch.

Fuck that.

Seelix's avatar

@KatawaGrey – I hear ya, sister. Anytime a fellow WoW player found out online that I was a girl, they’d want pictures. Saying no deems you a bitch, whore, slut, etc.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@KatawaGrey I’m sorry you’ve been treated like that. And Seelix as well. I don’t know why most of my y chromosome carrying group is so clueless. :(

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
KatawaGrey's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe: Nah, it’s not the majority of men. These guys just honestly have no experience with girls aside from their mothers and sisters. Thankfully, I found the best one and started dating him. :P

@Seelix: Ah, yes, I have heard that about WoW. It’s a lot harder for them to be that nasty to my face probably because I could beat up most of the magic players I’ve encountered. :P

Uberwench's avatar

@bkcunningham The word “penis” has been said 12 times already on the thread. That’s what we’re talking about.

bkcunningham's avatar

Yeah, but what size penis is my question @Uberwench?

creative1's avatar

Dick head doesn’t matter to me but brain in the head does matter greatly to me!!! Brains to know people are more than just looks.

Uberwench's avatar

@bkcunningham He said he’s average, so that would be 5–6 inches.

wundayatta's avatar

In the past, I’ve felt that women say they want a nice guy, but they really prefer a bad boy instead. It could be true. I’ve worked on being a good boy, and that hasn’t kept me alone. However, I have also worked on being a bad boy, and I’m afraid to say that women seem to like my bad boy guise better than the good boy one.

I’ve had a number of lovers in my life, both when I was good and bad. Not a one of them has ever commented on the size of my cock. Some have said I’m a good lover. I’ve written some steamy things here that may give women a reason to suspect I’m a good lover (bad boy), but I wasn’t always able to do that. I think I’ve gradually become a better lover over the 34 years I’ve been at it.

The bad boy part fits in in the beginning before things get terribly physical. You tell a story that hints of danger and mystery, while at the same time reassuring that you are caring and concerned with them. It’s not really much of a mystery—it’s more about being humorous or hinting of a dissolute past and that you’ve learned a lot through your experiences.

But when you get intimate, then you want to focus entirely on her, and you kind of have to want to do that. You can’t fake it. Of course, if you’re with the right woman, she is doing the same thing in return. It’s kind of an amazing feedback circle when each of you wants to arouse the other without concern about yourself.

This is a love making game where penis size really doesn’t matter. What matters is what’s between your ears. What matters is the stories you can spin, so the woman gets caught up in it and wants to play it out. Generally it’s a story you both spin together. When you do this, both of you start feeling light and crazy and a bit out of your bodies even as you are firmly grounded in your bodies.

In love, no one cares about pure physical sensation. So don’t focus on that. Focus on the relationship. Focus on the sense of connection. If a woman feels connected and safe and loved she will open up; let down at least some of her barriers, and then she is yours. Of course, you are hers, as well.

Can you imagine thinking about your penis size in such a situation? Both of you are just being—no thinking—just being together. It is your spiritual connection that matters. Penises are just a part of it, and not all that important a part of it. No one is thinking about measuring length and girth in these moments. A woman is just feeling (at some point) how much she wants you inside her because of the magical way that makes her feel (unless she has had trauma around this).

Now I know that we (guys) tend to identify very strongly with our penises. It’s as if we are our penises, or they are us. The physical sensation coming specifically from a penis makes us focus there. For women it’s much more diffuse. It’s the entire experience. And for us, it’s the entire experience, too, but we can easily distill that down to our penises. But women, if they feel the larger thing, don’t mind focusing on your penis at all. Well, some women. Not all.

But for me, acceptance of my penis is the ultimate acceptance. That’s what I seek. That’s what makes me impatient. Do you love me enough to take me inside you? That’s what I want to know. When I am refused, I feel alone and my self esteem takes a big hit. When my wife refused me for years, I felt worthless. Only on the few rare occasions when she did take me in did I feel like a person.

I don’t think that’s something that is easy for women to understand. My wife doesn’t get it, and we’ve been working on it for three years. When we are talking about the ineffable connection between man and woman, I am my penis. This sounds totally stupid to women. They don’t generally identify with their vaginas that way. It is generally a more diffuse experience and what happens before to make them feel safe to open up is really important.

But, perhaps for me, we need entrance first. That’s what opens us up to being loving and touching. Oh. Now we know. She loves us. We relax. The tension and fear of rejection are gone.

Very opposite. And almost always, it has to be the woman’s way. That’s just the way it is. And maybe that’s good. A lot of times men will get what they want—that pleasure and hit of acceptance, and then they’ll take off instead of hanging around for the other good stuff.

But, I think that if you understand that underneath the exterior, which may appear to be a bad boy, there lies a good boy who will not abandon you, then maybe you’ll do it the guy way sometimes. Although there are women who like it the guy way, too.

jrpowell's avatar

My tongue is ample and agile.

Haleth's avatar

@KatawaGrey I’d give you a million GAs for that if I could! Well put!

@Zaxwar91 Here’s my take on why women aren’t dating you. I’m going to be very frank, going my my gut reactions. My goal is not to antagonize you; I want to help.

Ok. I’m an average guy. But I aim high on the bar. I mean really attractive women. Getting them is easy…

You’re not a nice guy. You see attractive women as a commodity and not as individuals. You’re looking for attractive women who happen to be people, and not people who happen to be attractive women. To paraphrase @KatawaGrey, it’s important to get to know each other through shared interests and personality. I realize that looks are important, but compatibility is much more important if you want a lasting relationship. It’s all about spending time together and getting to know each other.

I’m a bit of a cynical romantic…I hate it when women stereotype all guys as assholes. But when I finally think its going good it ends and she ends up with some asshole

When I hear the word “cynical” in a dating context, it often means the person is bitter from being dumped too many times. It also looks like you expect woman to act a certain way- in other words, stereotyping us. If you bring cynicism, and those expectations, into a new relationship, most people would get tired of that pretty quickly. Would you like to date a girl who had those attitudes about men?

Im beginning to think that its the sex.

Going from the tone of this post, it’s probably your personality.

I’ve dated guys who were smaller than average, and for one thing, what a guy can do with his penis is a pretty small part of female pleasure. I can’t speak for all women, but many of us don’t even orgasm from penis-vagina intercourse. Clit stimulation is much more important, and penis size has nothing to do with that. It’s all about having a skilled, considerate sex partner who knows how to get a woman off with his tongue and fingers.

A large penis is kind of like an accidental bonus. It’s nice, but not really necessary. If a sex partner is unskilled, I can teach him, as long as he’s enthusiastic and willing to try. But he has to be giving. If a partner races through all the foreplay to get straight to intercourse, or he’s selfishly focused on only his own pleasure, I can’t keep seeing him.

I really want to love somebody beautiful but when they find someone better they leave. Does size matter even when you look good and treat them even better.

I suspect that you’re not treating these women as well as you think.

The nice guy/bad boy thing is a myth. A guy doesn’t have to be an asshole to be a man.

Many guys that I’ve met, who called themselves nice guys, were bitter because they had trouble in the dating world. Some of them saw “niceness” as a type of social currency- if I drive this girl to the airport and buy her dinner, she’ll owe it to me. Underneath the nice exterior there was seething resentment and bitterness towards women.

On the other hand, a lot of guys who have luck with women really are nice, but most importantly, they’re confident. I have a great boyfriend now who approached me boldly and fearlessly and started a casual conversation about something we had in common. He does nice things for me- we do nice things for each other- because there’s a foundation of mutual respect and friendship. You don’t seem to respect women.

jrpowell's avatar

Oh, and that was my way of saying I have a needle dick but the ladies love the tongue.

FutureMemory's avatar

@Zaxwar91 Is this a serious question?

incendiary_dan's avatar

Maybe your preoccupation with your dick size has distracted you from having decent conversation, so these women get bored. I know I was bored pretty quickly while reading the question.

@Seelix Next time tell them to hold on while your husband/boyfriend/lover/whatever gets the webcam from under his gun collection. :P

mazingerz88's avatar

@Zaxwar91 So you’re thinking those women “were not into you” because you “can’t go enough into” them? Lol. : )

Seriously, you knew these women better. You made love or had sex with them so you are in the best position to realize if phallic dimensions had anything to do with this or not at all. What does your gut really tell you? I’m guessing it’s more than just dick size since women do look for other things in men. The trick is to get to know them as a person to understand what they really want and then see if you can give that to her. If not then they move on. I doubt that even if you are hung like John Holmes they will stay with you and have a healthy loving relationship if you don’t have those other things they want in a man.

So goodluck in your next romantic pursuit. She’s out there. Just be more perceptive and try not to think too much with your dick. Lol. : )

BarnacleBill's avatar

You’re picking women for the wrong reasons. Your criteria is too superficial; people become attractive because they care for you, and you care for them. Otherwise, you’re meat shopping, and that’‘s what you’re getting.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Bad guys may be appealing on the surface, but I can’t think of any case where it ever worked out as a happy relationship long-term. Can anyone think of one where it didn’t end in some type of break-up or the guy came to his senses changed his bad boy behavior?

It sounds as if you were not given the specifics of what “too nice” really meant. Please don’t jump to the conclusion that means your physical appearance or ability in the bedroom. And if that was truly the case, you are better off without them.

If it helps, I got dumped by a ‘bad guy’ once who used the ‘you are too nice for me line’. It took less than two days to hear from others that he had already taken up with another girl who liked to party hard just like he did. Good riddance.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

I’m just going to honestly answer the actual question title and leave it at that, instead of elaborating on your details, otherwise I’d be typing for the next hour and rip you a new asshole for your disgusting attitude.

Yes, size matters sometimes. I’m a very tiny person. My first “lover” was so small that he couldn’t actually take my virginity. My second lover was so large that sex was painful every single time. The rest of my lovers, including my husband, have been about average or maybe a little over average. My husband is still a little too big for me, but I deal with it.

angelique_1's avatar

if you think youre not big enough then go deeper in the well.

KatawaGrey's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate: I have the same problem. My boy is just a little too big but we work around it. I once told him that I would not want to have sex with anyone bigger and I don’t think he believed me. :P

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@KatawaGrey This is true! I challenge any woman who says “size doesn’t matter” to try having sex with a tree trunk and then rethink it, LOL. That man was truly so ginormous, it was scary. He should be in porn or something.

rooeytoo's avatar

I can’t believe I received 17 ga’s for a response so obvious and unintellectual! But thank you to all 17 of you, whomever you may be.

Porifera's avatar

It sounds as if liking beautiful people is a sin. It seems to me everyone here is assuming that because he likes beautiful women, he is not interested in them as persons or their feelings, needs, etc. I don’t think it is either or. It’s like assuming that hose who pay attention to personality and feelings in a partner, completely disregard their looks. How about liking beautiful people and also caring about their feelings and being nice and having great conversations?
IMO his problem is that he can’t get over the fact that he has a small penis and thinks women pay as much attention to that as he does, when the fact is most of us don’t. He —like many of us— hasn’t found the right person, that’s all. He eventually will, but while that happens, he will continue blaming his break ups on his penis and not on the fact that it takes time to find the right person. Unless he checks his views and separates the penis from the man so to speak, he will always think that the relationship didn’t work out because of size. He needs to understand that men’s perception of their penises in terms of being proportional to their selfworth and their identity is different from women’s. @wundayatta‘s insight on that is great.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@Porifera It’s this: “But I aim high on the bar. I mean really attractive women. Getting them is easy but keeping them is hard. I really want to love somebody beautiful .” that got our dander up. There is an underlying tone that makes the OP sound like nothing more than a shallow creep.

josie's avatar

Everything matters

Neizvestnaya's avatar

It could be the women you’re shooting for are happy to check you out but they also really are aiming higher on the bar, for really attractive men because they really want to love someone as beautiful as they are and so they don’t stick it out.

KatawaGrey's avatar

@Porifera: I think many here have an issue with the fact that his only criterion for dating someone is how beautiful she is, and then he resents women for possibly paying attention to the size of his penis. Why should he get to be shallow and only aim for the upper echelon of attractive women and then condemn us for possibly disliking his small penis?

Porifera's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate Probably. I’m just not good at reading people or underlying tones at all. I am so scared of being judgmental that I never draw conclusions like that out of a couple of phrases. Not saying that is good or bad. I’m just like that.
@KatawaGrey He never said that was his only criterion. I don’t know about shallow either…beautiful women have souls and feelings too. He is not condemning anyone; he is just asking if this could be one reason for the breakups.

Plucky's avatar

I find it odd that @Zaxwar91 has not responded to what seems to be the majority conclusion here. The conclusion being that he is shallow. It would be nice to see some type of response to it at least ...is all I’m saying.

Raven_Rising's avatar

@Zaxwar91 Echoing the majority here, I don’t think size is the issue here. Women break up with guys for many different reasons. Size generally isn’t one of them. Given your age and your follow-up responses, I’d speculate that the girls you’ve been with aren’t mature enough to appreciate a “nice guy” if you are as spectacular as you claim to be.

However, you’re not exactly painting a picture of maturity either. From the tone /text of your question, it sounds like you’re choosing women solely based on hotness and how difficult it is to get with them. Remember that physical beauty often fades with time, but inner beauty tends to last much longer.

And perhaps you should consider how much work do you put in to the relationship once you “get the girl”. It sounds like you pull out all the stops to get the girl but what about after you get her? Do you talk to her? Listen to her? Continue to be attentive to her needs? Or do you put the relationship on autopilot and just hope for the best? Just a though but its been my experience that relationships die more often from neglect than from “size incompatibility”.

Raven_Rising's avatar

@PluckyDog Perhaps he’s pondering our words?
Or he’s waiting for my response which took me way too long to write:)

Plucky's avatar

@Raven_Rising It’s actually been many hours since I last saw the person respond. I’ve been following the question the moment it popped up. I’m just saying that his responses, so far, seem to have skipped over the “shallow” thing that keeps coming up. GA by the way. :)

Zaxwar91's avatar

If being attracted to beautiful women immedediatley makes me shallow then I guess you are all right. Though many seem to have ignored my earlier statement of apology on me not elaborating more on what I find attractive. Everyone is different. Though looks are important personality and other traits are important to. I stated at the beginning that when I get into a relationship I give it my all. And when over the course of a few years no matter how hard you try you kind of start thinking about the mechanics. And @WillWorkForChocolate everybody wants to find that one person so put your dander down. Sorry if I don’t want to be with every average jane the walks the earth. Just like I doubt you want to be with every average joe either.

Plucky's avatar

@Zaxwar91 I don’t think being attracted to beautiful women makes you shallow. But aiming only for “very attractive women” kind of does (in my opinion). From what little you have shared, it seems to me that you feel physical attraction is of the utmost importance in your relationships. So, yes, that can come off as pretty shallow.

It is difficult to give a shallow person good relationship advice that will actually sink in. It’s like telling a drunk person they are an alcoholic ..in a sense. That may be partially why some of the people here are having a hard time giving you the advice you are seeking.

I don’t know; maybe if you try dating women that are not so “high on the bar” you may be more successful ..and even happier.

By the way, what apology statement are you talking about?

Zaxwar91's avatar

But what is attractive @PluckyDog. Yes. Physical attraction is important to me yes. I like looking at the women im with. It doesn’t mean I don’t like everything else about her. And happier wise that’s a whole different question. As an example the girl I was with before my latest breakup to me was drop dead gorgeous. My friends on the other hand did not. That’s my bar. If everyone here got so riled up because of my preference in women than im honestly going to start calling you family because it shows you care right.

choreplay's avatar

I did not take the time to read all of this thread but lots of it.

Dude, I see one of two things going on here, either you’re not using your equipment the correct way or your so uptight about this beautiful girl/average guy match that your probably constantly overly dotting and insecure.

Let’s start with sex. I don’t think your going to get dumped because your too nice in bed, so this is not likely what they mean. Anyways you have to have at least a simple understanding of a woman’s psyche and that you have to take her to a certain place emotionally and intellectually before the physical act. When it gets physical its all about knowing what pleases her, its not about getting her wet and ramming it to glory (not to say some women don’t like that some times). What I’m trying to say is every moment and every movement is something in and of itself, to be wonderful and pleasurable and exciting. Like slipping a spaghetti strap off her shoulder and then the 50 other things you do before you penetrate. You may want to start reading up on how women have to build to an orgasm and understand her anatomy. Your need to understand that the emotional element is so much more important to them, that’s why you need to hold them afterwards. This isn’t a formula though, Varity is just as important. Some women like to be teased a little before you go to the heart of the matter. The most contradictory thing about me writing this whole paragraph is there really isn’t a formula.

More likely than this is your attitude. Sounds like you’re trying to hold their affection and loyalty by dotting in such a way that you come across as mousy and insecure. Women not only tend toward loyalty in a relationship they thrive from it and it typically takes something really extreme to push them away. There are some women that might like this but the answer for you might be getting by yourself for a while and getting to where your emotional needs can be met from who you are and not who you can get. That’s really what your doing here, your validating yourself by what type of women you get. Validate yourself by who you are, independent of what anyone else thinks. When your balance is centered back on yourself you’re ready to meet a girl again. In the mean time date, have fun, but till you find yourself stay away from a committed relationship.

angelique_1's avatar

I would not mind a good size on a man, but not a tree trunk.

KatawaGrey's avatar

@Zaxwar91: It wasn’t just that you said you only go after “really attractive women,” it’s also that you basically said, “Well, I’m a really nice guy so women must only care about the size of my penis, right?” Assuming that women are only interested in the size of your penis is shallow.

JilltheTooth's avatar

I have only once, ever, in my life noticed the smallness of a man’s penis. Once. I stopped thinking about it the minute he started to…oh, wait, that’s my kid up there ^ ^ ^ . Nuff said.

Seelix's avatar

Maybe the “really attractive” women that the OP is trying to date “aim high on the bar” and are only interested in dating attractive men – I mean “really attractive” men.

KatawaGrey's avatar

@Seelix: Or men with really big penises, cuz, you know, that’s all that counts.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Does it help if you’re a really big dick? I might be able to pull that off.

JilltheTooth's avatar

Interesting visual, there, @Adirondackwannabe , thanks…

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@JilltheTooth Some day I’ll learn not to leave you any openings. :)

JHUstudent's avatar

All of you could just look at @josie and thats the only answer you need.

Everything matters. How you treat them matters. Being a good guy matters. It’s not rocket science. and yes, size matters. It has to.

rooeytoo's avatar

@JHUstudent wow, you’re right, @josie is a genius! I think I will start following you both! Oh wait, I already follow Josie, I know he’s a genius, but who are you? Your profile is a bit sparse!

angelique_1's avatar

If you really love someone, the size should not matter.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

Size does not matter…but after reading your posting…that may be your only asset. And since that seems to be your overriding preoccupation, you will attract only the women who make that an issue…you know the “aim-high-super-attractive-ones”? They are the ones to whom size does matter…as well as the size of your wallet. Please find a way to pad both if this is the sort of woman you want in your life.

I’d wish you luck but I can’t, my dog ate my homework

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