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_zen_'s avatar

When , and how, did you decide to stop looking for love?

Asked by _zen_ (7809 points ) June 3rd, 2011

I am not so interested in a young perspective here, because they are still bright-eyed and bushy-tailed – as it should be in terms of biology.

Those of you who are in their second marriage/relationship, or dating again.

Is there a point in your relationship that you stopped thinking about, to quote a funny movie (The Mask) the BBD – the bigger better deal?

Was there a point when you said – alrighty then – this person is it for me – I don’t want to look anymore.

Was it a compromise? Was it love – like the first time around? Is that even possible?

I don’t want to all wundayatta here, but my question is: when, and how, did you do the math and decide that this one’s for me?

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29 Answers

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

I stopped looking for love on a Tuesday, I think it was.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

I have not found love yet so I will still continue looking. wish me luck

jonsblond's avatar

When the person I loved forgave me, I knew no one could love me more.

First and only marriage going on 20 years. Everyone makes mistakes. It takes a strong person to forgive. I’m a lucky girl.

sakura's avatar

When I was 18 I’d had enough of trying to mr right…I know that’s young but I lived a lot !! It was around my birthday in june. Then that following october 1996 I was out for a friends birthday and although a little worse for wear, I met the man I wanted to and still do spend the rest of my life with…I don’t care what the cynics say it was love at first sight! So I guess the day I stopped looking for love was the day I found true love friday 13th october 1996 about 11o’clock at night in a smoke filled pub!!

jerv's avatar

I got lucky and found what was looking for back in ‘94; I haven’t looked since.

augustlan's avatar

I was resolutely not looking for love when I stumbled upon it shortly after my first husband and I split up. I knew it was love (but denied it) from our very first evening together, and so did he. Can it be as good? It was even better.

I’d been in love twice before (dumped by the first one, married to the second one for 17 years), but never like this. This time around, I felt something like I’ve never felt before. I can’t really explain it, but there was a physical feeling along with an emotional response. It was like… awe at the connection we experienced while chatting in the dark. There was no question in my mind it was love. It took a long time for me to come to terms with it, since love was the absolute last thing I wanted at the time. But I’m awfully glad I finally decided to give myself over to it. Almost 6 years in, marriage number two is going strong. I am still awed. ♥

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

@jerv ‘94 is a great year. I was born then ;)))))

chewhorse's avatar

You’re assuming there was another… I stopped looking for love when my one and only passed away a few years ago.

CaptainHarley's avatar

I was looking in another direction when love creeped up on me from behind and hit me over the head with a two by four! : D

Seriously, I was looking at someone when I was becoming best friends online with Vicky. A mutual friend asked me why I was still looking when I had someone right in front of me who was crazy about me. It kind of woke me up and let me see that Vicky was the right one for me. I was very blessed, I married my best friend. : ))

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

The ‘looking for love’ concept was retired many years ago. I still went out on the occasional blind date and even spent six months on a dating website due to my brother’s constant suggestions to do so. Nothing panned out, and I was fine with this. Life was good due to financial independence, as well as dear friends and family members. An aunt once told me that I would never marry because I was looking for someone like my father. The comment was taken with a grain of salt.

At 45, I met a man on a game website. It was pure accident that our paths crossed. We both fell in love for the first time in our lives. What the aunt said now makes more sense: it wasn’t that I was looking for someone like my father, but that I was willing to hold out for a loving and committed relationship like my parents had. If that is the case, then she was right. And it was worth the wait.

creative1's avatar

Stll holding out here so I really don’t know if there will be a second but I am looking and dating….. I have moved on with my life adopted 2 kids and that but still hoping to find someone to truly love again.

JLeslie's avatar

I never really looked for love. I was in my early 20’s when I started dating my husband, and he was all the things I wanted at the time, plus some I had not thought of. Within a few months I was willing to move away with him (his Visa was going to run out if he did not find a new job tout suite, which he did just in time). But, in retrospect I realize how hasty that would have been. By around 10 months, I wanted to feel like he was thinking about getting married, I did not want to date forever. I saw in him his work ethic, honesty, had fun with him, and we rarely were at odds. We also agreed on the big philosophical stuff. We are married 18 years now, together 20.

I tend to be the type who is very loyal, and I don’t get curious about dating others, having sex with others, I rarely suffer from the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence syndrome regarding relationships. But, I do think I got a little lucky considering I was so young. I had been through dating a cheater/liar for many years, a few very short relationships, then one rather serious, intense, 6 month relationship, but the guy was borderline violent, and I finally got out. Then I met my now husband.

It’s hard to really predict how well you will get along over time, and if one of the people has some sort idea that lots will change once married, that they have very different expectations of a spouse than a girlfriend/boyfriend, I think that can be a disaster.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Hmmm….about 18 years ago.
He has all the qualities I look for in a man and he’s handsome too :)

Cruiser's avatar

I found an amazing love…like no other love I ever imagined….I knew the moment I finally saw face! :)

KatawaGrey's avatar

I may be young, but I was never one to look for love. I was always a happy single and when I started dating my current boyfriend, I did not intend for it to last this long. I didn’t have a stopping point in mind, but I figured we’d date for a month or so and then things would fizzle out and I would go back to being a happy single. That was almost three years ago, and I couldn’t dream of being with someone else now.

cazzie's avatar

I thought I had re-found the love to end all loves in my life about 10 years ago, and I guess I’m right, because if this is love, I’m not looking for it any more.

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
Coloma's avatar

I was married for almost 22 years. Divorced for 8.5 now, and am very content being single.
I dated an old flame for a few years a couple of years after my divorce, a little casual dating, but, no dating for the last 2 years and no relationship for the last 5ish.

I LIKE my space and freedom, and while I wouldn’t turn down an intimate exploration, I am not seeking, and, have no desire to ever marry again.

I am my own best friend and have created a very nice life for myself these last years that I wouldn’t trade for anything. :-)

aprilsimnel's avatar

I was on my third serious relationship and it simply imploded from one bad choice too many, mainly that I chose such an immature guy in the first place. That was years ago. Immediately after that relationship ended, I couldn’t trust myself to make the right choices. I have a better picker now, but…

I’m no longer actively looking, and it frustrates my family of choice, because they want to see me happy. They wanted to see me with children, they wanted me settled and secure with my own house and husband and so on, but that’s most likely not going to happen. I’m just about too old to have kids now and I don’t make enough money currently to even think of dating. I’m a 50–50 sort of person, and it pains me to think that I couldn’t pull my weight in anything, much less a relationship.

Anyway, the only men who seem to find me “attractive” these days are low-class men who aren’t interested in getting to know me as a person, but just fooling with my body (only yesterday some pimp-strollin’ dude tried to pick me up on 23rd and Lexington by talking to my bottom), married men (all of whom I’ve turned down and stopped speaking to) and really young men who are looking for a mommy.

In no relationship I’ve had was I able to be vulnerable or ever need emotional support without pissing the guy off and driving him away. That’s VERY upsetting to me. When do I get to lean on someone? I don’t. I’m sure it’s one of those learned patterns from childhood, where I was my guardian’s emotional support and when I needed hers in return, it upset her and she’d push me away. So if I’m all I’ve got, then I’m all I’ve got and I’ll do my best to love and support myself in the ways that I know how.

The men I’ve found attractive while going about my life seem to want another kind of woman. I am very “cute,” as opposed to “sultry” in that Megan Fox/Angelina Jolie way. I read too much. I talk too much. I’m too silly. Maybe I’m immature, too. Fine. I own all of it. I’m not perfect. But for now, I’m tired of putting myself out there and being shown in one way or another that I’m not what a decent single man who has some goals for his life and a modicum of intelligence wants, so I’m done.

Sunny2's avatar

In my late 20’s, I decided I was probably be an old maid and would teach in a college. And that would be my life. That’s when I found him. We’re in our 50th year together.

CaptainHarley's avatar

@aprilsimnel

When we least expect it, love takes a baseball bat to us. I seriously doubt you’re “done!” : P

tranquilsea's avatar

I found my husband when I wasn’t looking. More than not looking I had decided that I was quite fine concentrating on my career and I didn’t want the complication of a relationship.

He thought differently and we’ve just celebrated our 17th anniversary.

Ron_C's avatar

I stopped looking for love at 16 when I met my future wife and was sure at 18 when we married. I don’t believe in messing with a good thing.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I closed off to other prospects when my guy said he wanted a life with me. What it was about him that made me persevere through a rocky start? That he wanted the same lifestyle for his future that I did, that he was all the fun of previous partners but with more maturity, more experience, more drive, more appreciation, more interest to try.

Both of us wanted what we have now in our past but never had the right fit of partner. Neither of us feels like we have settled, both us feel like we finally get what we want if only a little later in life. All the best intentions and sweet words can’t compare to when someone takes action and makes it so.

faye's avatar

I’m not looking but it’s not because I’ve settled for someone. I am becoming too cranky and intolerant to inflict on anyone!

YARNLADY's avatar

After losing my second husband in 10 years, I decided I didn’t want any more of that in my life. That decision vanished shortly after I met my current husband, 36 years ago.

andrewmagnum's avatar

My current dating carrer is like a horror movie I’m thinking of giving up since i see no hope for me.

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