Are delusions as necessary to happiness as reality is?

I too am obsessed with Criminal Minds. A friend of mine who doesn’t date much and is lonely once told me that she wouldn’t mind the loneliness so much if the “wanting to be loved” feeling would just go away. I think she thrives on the hope that some day she will be in love and be loved by a wonderful person. A delusion? Maybe, maybe not, but I think that is what keeps her positive attitude most of the time .

@chyna Very interesting. I think that there is a reason I’ve always been in relationships. I do want to be loved and love and to be swept up in the constant sharing of life. I don’t think I’d do all that well on my own, I mean I don’t know…perhaps I would be able to but I surely don’t want to find out.

He stole that from Jeff Goldblum’s character in The Big Chill…

Michael: “I don’t know anyone who could get through the day without two or three juicy rationalizations. They’re more important than sex.”

Sam Weber: “Ah, come on. Nothing’s more important than sex.”

Michael: “Oh yeah? Ever gone a week without a rationalization?”

@dappled_leaves I think Jeff Goldblum’s character quoted it from Christian Bovee as he lived in the 1800’s.

Yes, reality can be too painful to accept. Delusions often are the way we boost our ego to protect our fragile self esteem. It may seem wrong to those who see your delusion, but most people craft a web of self deceit at times, often to only unfurl their inaccuracy at a much later date.

@dannyc I’ve told you before how your eloquence is sexy, right?

@chyna, hahaha! Yes, of course.

Life is too short as it is and when one wakes up to that reality…delusion and denial can give way to addictions and radical behaviors that numb the reality that life is not a bowl of cherries we were led to believe it would be.

No.

Reality is perfect, it’s the delusions that cause pain, suffering and criminal intent.

Living in denial of reality is always one not so tasty recipe for misery.

Of course, ‘reality’ is subjective, based on perception, this is a bonafide truth, to a DEGREE, however there IS a collective ‘reality’ that most share.
Differences in taste, lifestyle, preference and opinion are one thing, BUT…if one is deluding themselves that their abusive partner really loves them, or that being a pedophile is just a different expression of love, or that blue eyed people are devils, well, whole different ballgame.

I think it’s true. Otherwise how would someone living in terrible conditions (say a refugee camp) ever feel any happiness? There are people in third world countries who are existing in unbelievable poverty by our standards, but they aren’t all living in abject misery. I think you find happiness in what you have but I think there are times when you have to look beyond your reality and believe things will get better even if you have no real evidence of how that will happen.

I don’t know that I have any strong examples from my own life. I have had a pretty privileged existence really. Not that I am or have been wealthy, but it’s all about perception and I don’t perceive my life to have ever been too terrible. I know when I have been grieving that that can feel all consuming and at that times, the belief that it will pass has helped me to get through my days and survive and at times feel happiness.

From Patrick Henry: __…it is natural to man to indulge in the illusions of hope. We are apt to shut our eyes against a painful truth, and listen to the song of that siren till she transforms us into beasts. Is this the part of wise men, engaged in a great and arduous struggle for liberty? Are we disposed to be of the number of those who, having eyes, see not, and, having ears, hear not, the things which so nearly concern their temporal salvation? For my part, whatever anguish of spirit it may cost, I am willing to know the whole truth; to know the worst, and to provide for it.__
ahhh… goosebumps.

Sometimes I wake up & feel like pretending i’m in an action packed movie…yeah, you heard right! I even hear the theme to Mission Impossible as I shave. Now mad as is this surely is, it makes me happy in a spur of the moment, immature kinda way. So my answer to this question is yeah, I suppose they are.

This idea comes from a concept of happiness that is itself delusional. That delusion goes something like this: Happiness depends on getting all of my circumstances just so. When all the various aspects of my life—finances, career, relationships, property, body shape, etc.—attain some imagined optimum, then I’ll be happy.

If that’s how one imagines happiness, then yes, one had better be able to suspend reality, because that’s just not the way it works. Circumstances are in constant flux. You can’t go staking your well-being on them.

The word “happiness” has become so tainted by that particular delusion (relentlessly reinforced by our consumer culture, by the way) that it’s almost impossible to imagine a different kind of happiness.

I find the word “equanimity” to be more useful, precisely because it points to a well-being that is independent of all that flux. It just calmly accepts one set of circumstances as well as another, without being overwhelmed by this one and thrilled with this other one. It’s not an emotion-based happiness, because the emotions are also just part of the flux of circumstances. Equanimity operates at a higher level than the emotions, so that one can accept both grief and bliss with equanimity. Neither perturbs one’s fundamental well-being. “Yesterday I was sad, and that was fine. Today, I’m giddy and playful, and that’s fine too”.

There’s immense freedom in that kind of equanimity, and it’s that freedom that makes it a happy state.

@thorninmud

You are showing extreme Guru potential. haha
Yes, I always say that whenever one goes into the clinging zone of ” forever”, uh oh…dangerous territory, as no-thing, circumstance, relationship, state of mind, condition except physical death is for-EVER! It is in the attachment to the minds/egos idea that somehow we should not experience anything less than perfectly ‘happy’ that suffering arises.

Who was it that said, that instead of ‘why me?”...why NOT me? ;-)

There are two types of delusions. One is a serious mental illness, the other is not. More harmless delusions can be based on incomplete, not necessarily false information. Maybe that’s what Christian Bovee was referring to. An example are millions of aspiring writers dreaming about writing a bestseller. Creative writing does in fact increase happiness. And it’s a wonderful learning experience as well. It fosters creativity. It improves thinking. Good writing skills can earn you promotions. Without ever being able to write a bestseller.

Aspiring writers: Hang in there. Keep your delusion! It’s worth it.

@mattbrown

Haha, yes, well..if I didn’t write so much on fluther, I might actually write more for me!
It’s all happiness producing. ;-)

I agree with @mattbrowne about the more harmless delusions. In fact, psychological studies suggest that people who are too realistic in self-assessments of their skills, abilities, and popularity are more likely to be depressed. People who were slightly overconfident had higher levels of happiness. So, being slightly deluded is actually adaptive.

I like what Derrick Jensen said about lies. We tell lies to ourselves and each other all the time. They don’t have to be particularly convincing, but they just have to maintain a sort of cover over the institutionalized oppression around us. If we didn’t tell these lies, it would be unbearable. I gotta say, it sometimes is unbearable once you’re aware of these lies.

I’ve been thinking about this question since it was posted, and I still don’t know how to answer it, but I love the question.

On the one hand, I’m sure that @thorninmud is right, partly because he’s always right and partly because he IS right.

The answer clearly hinges on one’s definition of happiness. So very many things come down to definitions. This is one reason why I have such a prodigious collection of dictionaries.

So, on the other hand, what passes for happiness for many of us may indeed depend on a cup of denial here, a tablespoon of illusion there, and a generous pinch of delusion, to taste. If a person is not going to achieve pure serenity, equanimity, samadhi, call it what you will, is it wrong to enjoy what feels like happiness for a time? I used to think I knew; I used to think such happiness was only an obstacle and Truth (perception of reality, seeing things as they are, penetration of the veil) was the only worthy goal. I’m older and less certain now.