When I was in my 20’s, my mom was at the end of an unhealthy relationship, but I was wary. One night, I told her that she went from unhealthy relationship to unhealthy relationships like Tarzan went from vine to vine- not letting go of one until he had a grip on the next, and she had been at it since I was 4 years old. All her relationships overlapped with the next… OOoooohhhh… I don’t think she’s been more angry at me than she was that night.
BUT. She stayed single for 8 years! The next guy she dated, then married is still the best guy she’s ever been with and they have a wonderful relationship. :-)
I didn’t get a chance to teach them anything. If they were still here I think I and my siblings would have taught them that dogged determination can get you where you want to be and that they produced kids with a lot of dogged determination.
Possibly two that are still works in progress: – To let go of stuff. She may have the space to store it, but the excuse, “Someone in the family may want it.” is no longer the case for many of these items. No family member wants the the box of used clothes patterns from years ago. Nor do they want the box of pots and pans that she brought back when her mother died. She has things tucked away all over the house like this. – That she doesn’t need to describe a situation by using a label for a person different than her when telling it. For example, “When I was at the grocery store, a nice black woman helped me get something off of the top shelf.”, or “The lovely gay couple that live up the street recently opened a shop downtown.” Every time she does it, when the story is over, I ask her what being black or gay had to do with it. And now that I think about it, she hasn’t done it in the past couple of years.
I taught my dad to not say “colored” in regard to people who are black/African-American. He was in the hospital and there was a lovely nurses aide who was very kind to him. He liked her a lot, but referred to her as “that colored girl Sherry.” I told him that if he liked her so much, he could also respect her and either call her just by her name or, if he had to refer to her race, that there were better terms.
I was fortunate enough to have two parents. They dedicated their lives to my brother and myself. In their eyes, we could do no wrong. My brother and I knew this, so when my dad retired, my brother and I reversed the order and gave them both our undivided attention.
My mother was an artist, so we kept all of her art supplies up to date. My dad loved his CB radio, so we made sure he had everything he needed to “stay on the air”.
My parents grew up on country music and opera…......yuk. They did not care for rock and roll music, UNTIL, I decided to change their mind. I bought my first set of drums and practiced to rock and roll songs. I thought that if they heard the music enough, they would eventually give in and accept it.
Boy, did they ever! My mother died at age 93 and my dad died at age 80. But, on their way out, they were the coolest parents on the planet. They came to my bands concerts and all the radio stations in our house and cars, were switched to rock stations.
That they are not forgotten, that through their trials and tribulations I have become who I am today.
That I understand their choices in life and have become stronger for it too.
That I have learned determination., patience,tolerance,understanding amoung many more traits that they have exhibited throughout my life time with them.
That I will pass on the lessons to others searching for answers about life, in order to assist them on to a mature outlook and understanding of their own journy in life.