Social Question

jm5225's avatar

Is this age difference wrong?

Asked by jm5225 (253 points ) July 14th, 2011

My friend is 25 years old and he is talking to a 17 year old. Now it is legal in our state if there is consent but personally I think the age gap is a bit odd. If it morally wrong or is attraction attraction?

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23 Answers

Russell_D_SpacePoet's avatar

It may be legal, but that doesn’t make it right. The older guy is taking advantage of the girl.He has a decade of life experience on the girl. At 17 you don’t really know what you want in life. If it was my daughter I would have a little talk the guy.

jm5225's avatar

Well he actually put it off for awhile and said no and she kept bothering him so he finally caved and they havn’t age sex(that i’m aware of) but they do seem to be hitting it off. I don’t think her parents know about him though. I’m just concerned hes going to get himself in trouble. Hes a good person and I don’t think his intentions are bad by any means but still I think he should shoot for someone more mature….When hes 30 she will only be 22….will a 22 year old want a 30 year old? i’m not so sure

downtide's avatar

If they can make it work at that age it will get easier as they get older. It’s the same age gap as my in-laws (my mother in law was 19 when she married, her husband was 27, and fifty-one years later they’re still married). Eight years difference may seem a lot when you’re 17 but at 35 it’s nothing.

Schroedes13's avatar

I see nothing wrong with something like that at all. Love is a funny thing. It doesn’t see age or colour or religion. As long as both of them are completely committed to a serious relationship, let them be!

roundsquare's avatar

Well, it breaks the age/2 + 7 rule but oh well. I think its fine but they should tread slowly and maybe he should talk to her dad.

ucme's avatar

Just comes down to perception again doesn’t it?
I mean, when the guy’s 40 she’ll be 32, seems completely fine to me.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I don’t think that it’s wrong, per se. I just think that at this point in time they are really at different points in maturity and life experience. Attraction is attraction, and if it is legal in your state, then okay. I just think of the 17 year olds that I know and compare them to the 17 year olds that I know, and I can’t imagine that they have a lot in common.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Great Caesar’s ghost! Do want an answer based of ideology or biology? Biologically she is a woman, she may not, as you say, be the most experienced, but would it matter. How many mature women have had two, three, four or more marriages? The fact that they were over 18yr did not assure any success. Hes [sic] a good person and I don’t think his intentions are bad by any means but still I think he should shoot for someone more mature….When hes [sic] 30 she will only be 22….will a 22 year old want a 30 year old? is what you said. What young woman would want to be with a guy that old when she is that age? Tons of them. One can take that logic and run with it until the cows came home, why would that rich man want to be with a cocktail waitress, why would that prince want to have a commoner, why would that Hispanic man want to be with that Black woman, why would that skinny man want to be with that woman of 236lb? One can take just about anything and say why be with someone that different.

Back when the US was young, and in many other parts of the world, as it still is today, many women were married and starting families by age 17, and the men were often 15 to 20 years their senior. The young men did not have much.

What if she had an affinity for older men, and pursued them, would we be even having this discussion? Would we be thinking she needs an intervention because she has to be off the reservation by wanting someone in his 20s or 30s and not some band geek or jock from her high school? It seem like in the US whenever an older man couples with a younger woman it is because of sex, he is trying to make merchandise of her; the younger the girl, the more he is trying to bamboozle her because she isn’t smart enough to know better or watch her own back. Guess many feminist have that wrong, women must be weak and in need of protecting from the big bad smarter men who can easily pull the wool over their eyes.

I say if she wants to be in the relationship and he do to, they should be left alone, but then the world isn’t really that logical now is it?

Schroedes13's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central love it! Simply a great answer!

athenasgriffin's avatar

I think it depends on what kind of seventeen year old she is. I have known people who are that age that can barely choose what they want for lunch without calling their mommies. At the same time, I have known seventeen year old’s who are more mature than their parents. What kind of girl is she? Is she mature enough to know what she is getting herself into?
Whatever the answer to these questions are, you aren’t really in a position to judge until you know more about the girl. If your friend isn’t going into the relationship with the intention of taking advantage of the teenager (and that can happen whatever the age) then I think they are in the clear, morally.

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Hibernate's avatar

There should not be any problem here. Most young women want an older man [not necessary experienced] but someone who know what he wants from life.
Or else after 2–3 months [maybe even after a few weeks or less] the love will disappear. [because it was only attraction]

marinelife's avatar

It is not a good age difference. If they were to have a longer-term relationship, the 17-year-old would be growing and changing at a tremendous rate. The 25-year-old not so much.

laureth's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central – It’s true that in olden times, more established men (who could provide for children) and young women (who were more fertile) would be a common pairing. But is that what we have going on here? Has he established a farm? How many goats is this man willing to pay for the girl?

There’s nothing wrong, per se, with age-different relationships, once both people are on somewhat equal footing. I’m almost 10 years younger than my husband, but we’re 39 and 48 respectively. The difference, maturity-wise, is negligible. The age difference between these two young people, while smaller in years, is great in maturity. And our culture has shifted since that established-man, fertile-girl dynamic was the norm. Now, most would see it as a vast power divide, at least until she comes into her own.

I’m sure that neither of their intentions are bad… but they’re young. And the best of intentions, as we all know, can lead to solutions other than what was intended. In these sorts of age-different relationships, that often happens, which is why we, as a no-longer-very-agricultural society, tend to frown upon them. It’s not a “women are weak” thing, it’s a “teenagers don’t know yet” thing. If it were a 17 year old boy and an older woman, we’d frown just as much, I’m sure.

It’s not morally wrong to me, but that’s because I don’t see it as a moral question. It’s more of a real-world question, with real world effects.

Blondesjon's avatar

Jesus Christ people! My Grandpa and Grandma got married when they were fucking 9 and 4 respectively and have been together for 78 years. Lighten up.

besides, how many of you were sexually active at 17 and fucking a bit outside of your age group? it’s not like she’s in middle school.

josie's avatar

I’ve seen worse.

john65pennington's avatar

If she were younger, there would be a legal problem. But, if love is there for both of them, then the age difference is acceptable.

MilkyWay's avatar

I see nothing wrong with it.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@laureth It’s true that in olden times, more established men (who could provide for children) and young women (who were more fertile) would be a common pairing. But is that what we have going on here? Has he established a farm? How many goats is this man willing to pay for the girl? That doesn’t need to be what is going on. Just as homemakers are not forced out of the house into the corporate world because that is how most everyone else does it these days. If we are going to walk lock step, shoulder to shoulder into the same future, homemakers are abnormalities at best and at worst a bunch of slackers that don’t want to put their time in at the plant or the cubicle.

Now, most would see it as a vast power divide, at least until she comes into her own. So much for ”girl power” and stuff the feminist are pushing huh? Society needs to piss or get off the pot. Either she is a strong young woman who knows her mind or a shrinking violet who needs to be protected. Waffling back and forth depending on how it suits the masses at the time never worked for me really.

It’s not a “women are weak” thing, it’s a “teenagers don’t know yet” thing. Logically that would be even more of a logical argument that you should have at least one person who knows something. Two have two teens stumbling around something as hazardous a relationship where things can get intimate is about as smart as giving two kids a chemistry set capable of producing acid and leaving them to discover how or how not on their own.

Older men with much younger women might not be the norm, or traditional as it once was, but how many other couplings we have now that never was the traditional coupling? ;-)

jm5225's avatar

Some great responses, Just wanna throw this in the mix, what if they are both male…or female to be fair….what’s the opinion then? Sorry don’t mean to blow your minds haha

sliceswiththings's avatar

Ehhh nope. When I was 17 I made out with a 25-year-old and my brother was so mad at the guy when I told him. I didn’t get it at the time, but now that I’m closer to 25 I find that memory disturbing. 17 year olds are kids and should only be with other 17 year olds, in my opinion.

dogkittycat's avatar

A person’s personal morals determines right and wrong. I have never dated men my own age I’m 17 going on 18 dating a 20 year old going on 21. I see nothing wrong with it and we’re legal, however some people who find out say it’s wrong or he’s robbing the cradle. Do I think age matters much…no but if it’s small or if it’s a huge difference I think it wouldn’t matter as much were they older. Your friend’s SO was in diapers when he would’ve begun puberty. Were she a bit older no I personally wouldn’t see anything wrong with.

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