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_zen_'s avatar

Norwegian Killer part deux: His father was interviewed and said that his son should have killed himself instead. I can't imagine saying or even thinking this, can you?

Asked by _zen_ (7799 points ) July 28th, 2011

Granted, I cannot think of a situation as horrific as this being instituted by my children, but I also wouldn’t think it would be better if they had killed themselves. I am just not programmed that way.

In an interview, which I would have declined anyway, I might have said I am sorry for the pain and loss he had caused, and wished it hadn’t happened. Period.

Have you ever considered, or could you consider, a situation in which you wished your children dead?

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32 Answers

tranquilsea's avatar

If there ever was a situation then it would be after they went on a murderous rampage like his son did.

cletrans2col's avatar

If my kid was like this, I would be in pain, but not as in as much pain if MY kid was responsible for 80 innocents dead.

zenvelo's avatar

The man has to still be in shock and overwhelming befuddlement as to what his son has done. I don’t think enough time has passed to judge what he says in any manner.

marinelife's avatar

I could if my child was a mass murderer.

King_Pariah's avatar

I most definitely can imagine saying this. Actually saying it is another matter entirely as for me it depends on my mood and situation. I just do.

MacBatman31's avatar

Though I’d be ashamed of my child, I don’t like suicide and I just personally couldn’t say that.

Jellie's avatar

I read that the father lives in France somewhere and that him and his child havn’t spoken in 10-odd years. Under these circumstances yes I can understand the father saying that. I think he his at a point where he doesn’t relate to that boy as his son/child anymore.

Bellatrix's avatar

No. I can’t. Even if they had done something like this, I would want them to be in prison and since I would think they were suffering from a mental illness, hopefully getting some form of treatment.

JLeslie's avatar

I don’t have children, but I think I can understand saying it. I certainly would say it as an outsider.

Just checking; he meant kill himself because how can one live with oneself after harming so many, right? Or, what exactly did he mean? To kill himself instead of killing others?

tranquilsea's avatar

@JLeslie I took it to mean that he should have killed himself rather than all the other people. And although that would have been tragic it would have been preferable to him offing tens of innocent people.

JLeslie's avatar

@tranquilsea I think many people interpret it the other way. I wonder which is the actualy intention behind the father’s words?

I think I would prefer my son commit suicide, then do what he did. I would be so horrified to know he took the lives of so many.

Bellatrix's avatar

If the father meant he would rather the son had killed himself rather than all of those people, I agree, I would rather that too but that’s the only circumstance that I can see myself wanting my child to commit suicide. If he meant he would rather he had killed himself after the fact, then no. I wouldn’t want that.

Thammuz's avatar

Considering how much of a scumbag the son is i’m not entirely surprised that the father isn’t running for father of the year. Still, i tend to agree with the man, one less fuckwit instead of what was it? 91 innocent people?

NightStalker's avatar

Note that I am not in any way condoning the statement.

When you embark on parenthood it is with hope and awe. You see the future shining bright and dream of them growing up happy, and possibly even making the world a better place.

To realize that your child had become so full of hate and rage as to murder so many innocent people, destroy so many lives… somehow as a parent it seems you could or should have been able to see or prevent it. It would be overwhelming. Pain and shock could make anyone say things that seem horrible.

As an example- over the last decades there have been stories written, debates, and extended discussions on how time travel might be used to eliminate Hitler before he rose to power. I see this as a similar mindset. Inhumane, and horrific acts always give us pause to mentally try to go back and prevent it.

Sunny2's avatar

I think the father gave up on his son years ago and didn’t feel he had any connection with him at all any more. Under those circumstances, I can imagine saying that.

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mattbrowne's avatar

His father is in great pain. It’s hard to predict people when they experience extreme emotional stress.

_zen_'s avatar

Agreed, @mattbrowne (hi buddy – nice to see you) and others who have written as much. However, and this might be a different thread; doesn’t the parent feel any remorse – any responsibility at all – especially as the killer has not been diagnosed as insane? Isn’t it a cop-out to remove yourself from your children?

I know that I would like to think that I would pre-identify some problem – and do everything in my power to stay in my child’s life – even to the point of intervention. Not remove myself and then say “damn – he should’ve killed himself instead – and hey, I haven’t seen him in years.”

JLeslie's avatar

Maybe the father tried. Maybe he saw his son going more and more extreme in his views. It seems like this guy was cultish in his beliefs. I don’t know if I can call the group of people he associated with part of a cult, but his mind seemed brainwashed like someone who is part of a cult. It is similar to addiction I think. How many times do you try as a parent to get them into rehab? Once they are adults it gets harder and harder to pursue this course. Some parents cut-off from their children either trying to shake some sense into the child, or because they can’t watch it, and can’t watch their own lives go down the tubes. Or, maybe it was the son who cut off from the father, because of his own thoughts, or the father was awful, abusive, who knows. So many possibilities. If they have not spoken in 10 years, I don’t see how the father could have known it had become so extreme. But, I do agree the father must have known his child had some extreme thoughts that could have a negative consequence.

Blackberry's avatar

He didn’t just murder a guy that was sleeping with his wife. He prepared weapons and explosives, blew up a building, then strolled through a park shooting people while smiling and listening to music…..He should have killed himself.

cazzie's avatar

The father has had little to do with him. Hadn’t even spoken to him since 1995 or 96. Perhaps part in parcel of the making of the monster.

His parents divorced when he was one year old.

WrongW's avatar

I can’t agree with you, with his words he has shown to the public that he’s not responsible for his child but he feels horrible with that what his son has done. If he had killed 1 person it would sound quite strange, but 80 people ? children? If they were in USA he would be dead already. He is horribly bad, I understand his father in 100%

Leanne1986's avatar

Actually, I think I could imagine feeling this way if my (hypothetical) child had commited such a horrific act. At least this man’s father is willing to speak the truth rather than try to justify what his son did out of denial (ie: by claiming that he only did it because some mental illness etc)

jacobnasz's avatar

WrongW, I agree with you fully. I would say the same thing if it related to my son.

snowberry's avatar

It sounds like the western version of honor killing, you know, like many Muslim cultures do?

cazzie's avatar

@snowberry really? A girl killed for kissing a boy is the same as an estranged father wishing his son, if he had been so unhappy with the world he lived in, had killed himself instead of so many innocent people?

Blackberry's avatar

@snowberry Wtf lol? Can you elaborate, please?

snowberry's avatar

Oh, boy. Did I get myself in trouble?

I haven’t read the other posts, but I’m currently teaching ESL to people who DO practice honor killing in their country. It might not be the case- the dad might have an other thing in mind, and granted, he won’t have a chance to carry through with it even if he does, but it’s the first thing that popped into my head. At first glance, there are similarities.

I am not an authority on this.

I am not in favor of honor killing.

I have not researched it.

All I know is what I’m learning from talking to my students. Honor killing happens in some Muslim cultures, and not just to women doing something that someone else doesn’t like. It’s not about how bad it is, whether the person is man or woman, or what they did, but if they’ve dishonored the family, they could be killed, (and I think also if they change religions). I’m not Muslim, but if you dishonor your family, you’re done. And oh, yeah, usually it’s the family head who gets to say what’s dishonoring. In the Norweigian Killer’s case, the family head would be his father.

cazzie's avatar

@snowberry I can assure you that we don’t practice honour killings as part of our Norwegian culture. He didn’t say, he wished he had killed him, either. wow… leap of logic anyone?

snowberry's avatar

*@cazzie yeah, as I said, it was the first thing that popped into my mind. I did NOT say it was the same thing. I said I saw similarities. It’s not a leap of logic. And you don’t know what makes people think the way they do. Me, or that guy’s father or anyone else.

I did not intend to disparage the Norwegian culture. Please forgive me.

mattbrowne's avatar

@zen – Parents always feel some kind of responsibility how their adult children turn out no matter what their rational mind tells them. Parents can’t be held responsible except when their are case of real abuse during childhood.

mattbrowne's avatar

Every evening German news report extensively on how Norway mourns their dead and there were also several documentaries the past week. I’d say Norwegian culture is the very antithesis of honor killings. And the deep hatred expressed by Breivik is being countered by a genuine attitude of love and compassion for humanity. I am always very touched by the pictures and words. And everyone is very impressed how Jens Stoltenberg handles the situation. He’s a great and visionary leader. Europe needs more leaders like him.

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