Why am I so hateful lately?

You’re 13? That’s what I seem to be remembering. Correct me if I’m wrong.

I felt that way a LOT at your age too. Your peers are, mostly, frustratingly idiotic at that age. The raging hormones don’t help either. The good news is I hardly ever feel that way anymore; it gets better.

@Mariah I’m 16.

Oh, sorry about that! I had calmed down quite a lot by age 16, but I’ve calmed down even more since then. This is just my personal experience. I’m sure what you’re feeling is perfectly normal. Do you have any theories on where the hate is coming from, what it’s directed at?

Hormones don’t help.

@Mariah my family who recently disowned me and everyone who keeps walking out on me.

D: Uh, that is a lot to feel hateful about! Really sorry that’s happened to you!

@cliofaye It’s completely understandable that you would be having lots of negative emotions and feelings if you’ve been disowned by your family. That must be horrible. Is there a reason why they’ve chosen to disown you? Are you emancipated from your parents? If not, are you living with other relatives or a guardian?

@cliofaye I’m really sorry to hear that things aren’t going well for you these days…but being hateful is only going to make things a whole lot worse. When no-one shows you any love it is very hard to give any back, because there is none to give, love is like a cycle, it’s easy to give out if you have some already received. STOP BEING HATEFUL. No-one loves someone who is hateful. There is a choice you have to make now, to be loving and giving even when it seems that there is none to give (until you get the ball rolling-trust me please), and you can maybe get married and have kids and help people just like you and read books written by kind people who would try to help you, and the same with music, or you can choose hatred and…I don’t even want to say what that would be like, I’ve never been there but I imagine it is hard to crawl back up from. You are a lovely young woman I’m sure, everybody loves you when you are young, so go start becoming who you want to be…you can do that you know, I know I did, start smiling at people and consume (books, foods, films, drinks, music etc) good things that will help you, and forget the rest. It’s completely up to you. Feel free to message me, I like helping young people because I was a troubled youth (I’m a woman)

@lemming and @Kardamom Well the reason is because my mom was abusive and my dad is nonexistant in my life and so i was sort of adopted by people i only met a year ago. Then my mom,sister,brother,and the only father figure i’ve ever had went to jail. After it was all out in the open about the unspeakable things my mom did my family turned away from me and left me on my own. I have had to go through many other things over the past year and had to see several psychiatrists. I stopped seeing them months ago. I’ve always helped others and put my problems into my art,my paintings,drawings,poems,and such. I’m not sure why I’m feeling like this now.

The only thing I can say to you now is that you better start being nice to people. Your going to have to fake it for a while. People are shallow, when they see a smiling face, we think you are nice, and when we see a sad, or worse still, angry face, we simply don’t want to see it. You are too young to make it on your own, the closest family you have (bye bye mom), I think you need to win them over. Show them you are nothing like your mother. And if you are good at painting and drawing, you should stick with it, you could be an artist or an Art teacher or something like that.

@lemming It’s not that they think I’m like her it’s that they think i’m horrible for not putting up with it. I will fake it though. Which is why I’m cutting my hair tomorrow,new start. Out with the old,for appearances atleast.

Please only fake it for a little while though, it’s kind of a last resort, until you have people again…no point faking your own life, you know. But you probably know that.

@lemming Thank you,but what do i do about the hatred?

It sounds like the present method you’re using (releasing it into creative, constructive activities rather than destructive ones) is a really healthy thing to be doing. Is it not effective enough? Do you see a psychologist at all (different from a psychiatrist)?

@Mariah no i stopped seeing them because it didn’t help me

I feel your pain and we must have an acquaintance in common! PITA!

@Cruiser PITA?

Pain in the A$$!

@cliofaye start thinking good thoughts and direct the negative energy somewhere else? Maybe you could start running, that’s good for letting out anger.

@lemming i work out and bellydance,and sometimes when i have a lot of anger built up i play tennis

@cliofaye Perhaps talk therapy isn’t for everyone, but can I ask you to consider trying it again with a different counselor? The person you’re seeing, and the connection you feel with him/her, makes a huge difference. Also, I wonder how you approached therapy? Did you approach it reluctantly, not expecting it to work, or eager to try it out and gain insight from it? Your attitude makes a huge difference in therapy’s effectiveness as well. Just a suggestion of course and no harm could come from trying. I don’t mean this in an offensive “you need help” sort of way, I mean that this is something that has helped me and I would love to see you get the same benefits from it. It sounds like you could use someone to confide in, get sympathy from, and help you learn to deal with the emotions resulting from such a painful chain of events.

@Mariah i’ve seen multiple therapists but none of them were effective or helpful

Oh okay, I’m sorry to hear that. :(

@cliofaye My parents were alcoholics. Both of them. I was the youngest and saw a lot of crap at an impressionable age. I guess you could say I grew up pretty confused and angry. Then, something amazing happened… they both went through recovery and sobered up. In many ways, that was even more confusing because at the age of 11, just when I thought I had figured out how things were, they changed drastically; these two people in my life both changed drastically.

I’m not that much of a religious person, but one thing my parents came out of recovery with really stuck with me my whole life and it was plastered around the house on ornaments and such; The Serenity Prayer. The whole ‘accept the things I cannot change’ bit is a biggie for me and I have to constantly remind myself of it. Things and people that do crappy things, well, I can’t change that. I can only change how I deal with it and I have to deal with it in ways that are good for me. Dwelling on hate and obsessing how stupid someone is, it’s a waste of my energy. In my mind, I put it into a tiny vile and then I drop it into a big beautiful flowing river that is my beautiful life and it simply washes away. I think that is the ‘courage’ part of the saying because I have to really stop myself when I get obsessively angry and have the courage to put that think I have no control over into that vile and drop it into the river. I have also had to have the courage to let people go in my life who weren’t doing me any good at all. ‘Energy Suckers’... you know the ones.

I hope things get better for you. I am guessing you are an emancipated minor? There really is only good news and bad news then. The good news is that, now, it’s up to just you. The bad news, is that, now, it’s just up to you.

Keep focused on taking care of yourself. Keep yourself in school. School is VERY important. Cut loose the people who are keeping you down and angry. Surround yourself with people whom you admire. Make new friendships. If you are full of hate and anger, you’re only going to attract people who are attracted to those qualities, and those people aren’t the ones who will be healthy for you to be around.

It’s early morning here and I am jetlagged and haven’t slept, so I hope I am making some sense.

All the very best. I hope you find a good path.

@cazzie thank you:) and i’m adopted now not emacipated. Thank you for sharing all of that with me,it means a lot.

I think it’s hormonal. My daughter was this way T your age and still can’t explain what happened.

I think until you really process the traumatic things that have happened to you you will continue to (understandably) feel hatred. Maybe group therapy or a support group would be of use if you have not found counseling any help.