Should I discuss my feelings with my spouse before going to therapy?
Hi fluther. I’m not new; this is an alias. Sorry this is a bit of a read, but I’m hoping to get some help.
I’m married and have 2 children. Since I can remember I’ve had problems with depression. For the past year, it’s been far worse (since the birth of my second child). I’m having fantasies of leaving my family. It’s really hard to say this, but it’s true. This would of course include divorce. In my fantasy, the kids are not living with me, though I have joint custody and will see them very very often. Trust me, I feel like a load of crap for even thinking it. Occasionally I don’t feel that there is an answer and resort to fleeting thoughts of suicide. Do I love my husband in the romantic sense? The answer is “I don’t know.” There is no question that I love my children absolutely.
He knows I’m unhappy and irritable. He knows I feel like escaping sometimes, but I don’t think he has any clue just how hopeless and lost I feel.
I’m finally able to go see a therapist at the end of this month. I tried before but there were insurance issues. My question is, do I discuss all this before I go, or wait until I get advice from my therapist to bring anything up with him? I broke down to one of my best friends recently and told him everything. He thinks I shouldn’t say anything until I get help. He knows very well what depression can do and thinks I might be a whole different person if I simply give therapy, and maybe even medication a try.
The clincher- my husband said when I first booked my appointment, “They’re going to talk you into divorcing me because that’s what therapists do.” So, on one hand I don’t want to bring up issues that might not even exist after I get help. On the other, I want him to know that my thoughts are my own and anything that may come of us was not influenced by a therapist.
I hope this makes sense. Also, I’m not really looking to be judged on character here, so please refrain.
P.S. The thought of bringing my husband and children any pain makes me sick. I don’t want them to ever be hurt, especially if I can prevent it.
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