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sweetbee's avatar

How soon is too soon to introduce my significant other to the family?

Asked by sweetbee (288 points ) August 5th, 2011

My boyfriend and I have only been dating a month. We have made implications about love but neither of us have said it. The other day he asked about an event we were having and if I wanted him to come. This would be sort of official. Most guys I have dated never met my family. Our parents have mutual friends but don’t necessarily hang out with each other. How do I handle this? In honesty it absolutely does not feel like a month but what should the time frame be for this sort of thing? Help me out Jellies…

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16 Answers

Kayak8's avatar

If he is introduced as the person you are dating, I can’t imagine any problem. If you introduce him as your fiance, I think that is a little different. You can bring someone to an event if you have only been dating for a week if you want to.

everephebe's avatar

First date is too soon. A month is ok, but it should be a natural happenstance.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

It really depends upon his personality. Meeting family members in a mass gathering can be intimidating to some. It is also very easy for the partner (you, in this case) to get caught up in the comfort and normalcy of the situation, while your friend is left on the perimeter.

If you both are comfortable with the idea, then taking him to the function after a month should be fine. It also helps to plan for an occasional escape where the two of you can be alone. For example, take a walk around the neighborhood together or offer to run to the store to pick up something.

Good luck, and let us know how it goes if you do decide to bring him along!

athenasgriffin's avatar

If he seems comfortable with the idea of meeting your family, and you like him a lot, then I don’t really think there is a specific point before which it would be wrong to meet the family.

lizardking's avatar

I agree with all of the above, and I really like Pied Pfeffer answer.

YARNLADY's avatar

My sons and grandsons bring their friends around whenever they feel like it. I never ask if they are dating and they rarely offer to tell me. We have a very easy-going household.

Nullo's avatar

The first couple weeks. It is better to see how they get along early on.

lemming's avatar

If you don’t feel comfortable meeting them this soon, then get out of it. Doing it too soon, and rushing things along, pretending everything is grand, I think sometimes results in a few months down the line, realising the whole relationship is a pack of lies. I think definitely go slower rather than faster.

Tilden_Katz's avatar

Is this a heterosexual or homosexual relationship?

I’d start there.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

@Tilden_Katz Now I’m curious…would it make a difference about the timing whether it was a homosexual or heterosexual relationship? If so, would you mind sharing why?

JLeslie's avatar

I think it is odd to make it such a formal thing, puts pressure on the meeting. I never waited to introduce my parents to someone I was dating. Sure when I lived out of state it might be a while until they met him, but if they happen to visit a week after I started dating someone we would all go to dinner or have him over. Or, if I lived near them they would meet him fairly soon. I don’t think it is a big deal at all.

Hibernate's avatar

@everephebe but the event could be viewed as a circumstance given by chance. It mostly depends if they feel up to it. Sometimes meeting the parents could be awkward but it better to do it earlier than wait for later.[or sometimes the family could just say “you never came home with your friends so we don’t know what you like”.]

@sweetbee if I were you I’d do it. If it’s an event where a lot of the family comes you have a lot of chances to avoid most questions by saying you have to go say hello to the others or to present your friend to them too. :)

Sunny2's avatar

My husband-to-be introduced me to his sister and her family on the first time we went out together. We started out on a drive in his brand new car and drove from Boston up into Vermont. On the way back we stopped at his sister’s. It was fine with me even though, at that point, we had no intentions of anything. I didn’t meet his parents until the day before we got married.
I guess I don’t understand the problem.

sliceswiththings's avatar

Go for it!
I’m at a month too but I haven’t quite told my parents yet that the dude’s 14 years older than me, so they’re not going to meet.

skfinkel's avatar

Not a bad idea to get to know each other’s family. Might be fun. It doesn’t have to mean you are marrying him.

Mamradpivo's avatar

If you have any doubt that it’s too soon, then it’s too soon.

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