Social Question

Gabby101's avatar

If you agree to go out with a friend, but then s/he never calls back with the details, how long do you have to give them before making other plans?

Asked by Gabby101 (2478 points ) August 6th, 2011

I had a friend text me last night asking my husband and me to come over for a BBQ at 5:30. He asked me to call him so I left a message saying that I was available, but my husband was out of town and asked him to call me. I couldn’t tell by the text if he was having a party or just inviting my husband and I over. Also, I don’t know where he lives and he didn’t give me the address. He never called. I’m in the process of moving, so my time is really precious to me. Around noon, I decided that because he didn’t call me back, I wasn’t going and would instead continue packing and cleaning. Was this wrong? He never called me back, so his bad, but if he had, would I have been wrong to say that I was no longer able to come?

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7 Answers

woodcutter's avatar

Can you text him back for details? After that you have done everything to hook up. I’d get back to packing.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

A belated welcome to Fluther!

This scenario is just one more case where we apply The Golden Rule and become disappointed by the results. I do it as well and from both sides of the coin. Let’s say that the friend calls you back and says, “Yeah, come on over.” They are still under the assumption that you are available. To tell the friend at this point that you are no longer available could be construed in a negative aspect from their point-of-view.

Why not give him a call and find out what the status is? If you truly feel like you can no longer attend, then don’t go. What’s important is the communication.

lemming's avatar

Ya, I agree, you should just call them back.

Gabby101's avatar

Yeh, you guys are right… Just wanting to get out of it without having to admit to wanting to get out of it ;)

jca's avatar

I gave this a great question. I had a friend ask me to go out recently and we agreed on a day. I did not hear from the friend any more, and so when the day came, I wasn’t going to write and say “what’s going on.” I left work and went shopping that night. The friend wrote with details that evening and I responded around midnight saying that when he didn’t confirm a day or two ahead of time, I assumed we were off and I did something else. For me, if we don’t get in touch a day ahead of time and make definite plans, I assume we’re off. If someone else comes along with a definite request or plan, I go with that. I am too busy and have too little free time to leave time open or make assumptions for unconfirmed plans.

Hibernate's avatar

It wasn’t wrong of you to continue doing your stuff. If you need to move out real soon then I wouldn’t go to their place. But it’s just me.

marinelife's avatar

I don’t think it was wrong to decide not to go. The onus was on the person doing the inviting to firm up plans that he had casually made.

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