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Tbag's avatar

Would it be okay if I let her go?

Asked by Tbag (2387 points ) August 7th, 2011

If you fell in love with someone and you’re not quite sure if it’s going to work out because of the fact that you didn’t get any solid answer from them, would you let them go?

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17 Answers

redfeather's avatar

If you’ve done everything you can, and they’re just stringing you along and not giving you the time of day… I’d say let them go. It’s hard to because you’ve put a lot of energy in it, but eh.

Tbag's avatar

@redfeather What if there is hope because of the mixed signals sometimes they give you?

redfeather's avatar

@Tbag then ask her to go get some coffee with you and bring it up.

creative1's avatar

You know the old saying:

If You Love Something Let It Go
If It Comes Back To you, It’s Yours
If It Doesn’t, It was never meant to be

Good luck

stardust's avatar

@Tbag Have you been totally honest with her about your feelings? A lot of times in these situations, it’s a lack of communication that causes problems. If you put your cards on the table and risk being hurt, then you’ll know for sure if it’s time to move on.
She won’t be able to evade your questions if you’re talking in person. If she does, then it’s probably a no go.

wundayatta's avatar

You can talk about letting go, but it isn’t so easy. If you’re in love, you tend to hang on as long as there is any hope at all.

These situations are always ambiguous, and each must be treated based on the individual personalities involved. I think the best thing to do is to improve communication with your beloved. Ask them straight out if they see this going anywhere. Express your feelings to them. Fuck the embarrassment of placing your heart on your sleeve. If it’s love, you really have no choice.

Then you take it from there, depending on what they say. But you can’t read their minds. You don’t necessarily know what their behavior means. So you have to ask, and go from there.

Kardamom's avatar

If you’ve been with this person for awhile and you know exactly how you feel about them, but they keep giving you mixed signals, it’s probably time for you to sit down with them and have a conversation. You need to say something like, “You and me have been going out for quite awhile now and I really like you. But you seem to be giving me mixed signals. I really need to know where I stand with you, because I think I want to take this relationship into the next phase and I want something more serious. Where do you see us and this relationship going?”

Be prepared to get a big fat “I don’t know. I’m just not really sure.” or “I think you’re moving a little too fast and I’m not sure what I want.” If something like that is said, you will need to make a fairly quick decision (one that you should work out in your head before you even have this conversation, so that you don’t have to be the one saying that you don’t know what you’re going to do next).

You can either decide that you are going to move the relationship forward and you will hope/expect that the other person will go along with that (meaning that your relationship will be made public, if it’s not already, or you two will start referring to yourselves as boyfriend/girlfriend, and you’ll make some concrete plans, even if they’re only small plans) The alternative is that you might want/need to tell the other person that you can’t continue to live in limbo like this and that you think it’s best that you either make a decision to be a “real couple” or you break it off and go your separate ways. Only you can decide in your own heart and mind how you want to handle a potential nebulous or vague answer.

This is not a fun position to be in, but the only way you can know for sure, is to ask the other person and don’t take “I don’t know” as an answer. You don’t need to force them to give you a concrete answer, but you do need to decide for yourself if you can continue to live in limbo (if you don’t get a straight answer) or if you want to move on. Good luck : )

Tbag's avatar

@stardust I’ve been completely honest. I think i’m already hurt because there’s something telling me that it ain’t gona work out. But yeah, in person should do the trick. Thanks!
@wundayatta and @Kardamom It feels like the answers are so ” down to earth ”. It is love or otherwise i wouldn’t find myself thinking about 24/7. My heart aches when my mind tells me to cut the crap out it ain’t gona work. She’s been my bestfriend for a couple of years now and i do not engage with conversations with most girls because she’s always on my mind. If things don’t work out as i want them to be, my enchanting plan would take place ( which is leaving ) and thats when ill try to approach her swiftly and make it obvious for her before i disappear. I made up my mind to be honest – i want her to be my wife. If it does not work out with her? Then yuyks, fuck it! I’m outtie, i still got three years to finish college and thats basically the time i’ve got with her.
So basically what ya’ll are sayin’ is i should risk it because if i don’t i’m risking even more.
Thanks!

Londongirl's avatar

If you are really in love with someone, you will need to fight for it and communicate clearly to them. Whatever answer you get, you can then make the decision on that. If you want to marry her, ask her, if she’s not ready, then you need to see how she feels about you and give her time. And when the time is up, then you need to make the final decision. But I think if you really love her, you need to talk to her and let her know.

mazingerz88's avatar

@Tbag I’d say pursue her as long as the level of hope involved is way, way up compared to this

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I learned the hard way, through trial & error and a lot of failed idealism and wasted efforts that if someone isn’t responding to your love then they don’t have that kind of love for you. There is the love of a friend and there are lovers but having a loving partnership must be reciprocal. Timing and circumstance are part of that too, sometimes you both have love and want the same things but for some damned reasons, you can’t pull it off together.

It’s fair to you to let go someone who isn’t stepping up. They’ve already decided to let you go anytime.

marinelife's avatar

@Tbag She is not giving you mixed signals. You are reading into it what you want to see.

Let her go.

QueenOfNowhere's avatar

Tell her how you feel. And if she doesn’t respond after that, let go.

AshLeigh's avatar

Dreams fall apart sometimes.
When it’s time to let go, you have to…

QueenOfNowhere's avatar

frou frou-let go
listen to his it helps me to make the right decision somehow ;D

john65pennington's avatar

I had a friend that divorced his wife, just because she was going through the change of life and he did not try to understand her emotions.

Worst mistake he ever made, he said.

If you feel this is right, then never give it up. Some people just do not realize a good thing, until its gone and then it’s too late.

I would sit down and evaluate all the good and bad points, before I made a decision.

Londongirl's avatar

I agree with John65, you need to follow your heart, love is the heart matter and many people too rational to deal with love. Usually, you find people say the less work on the person then it could be the right person for you, but then you find that person may not be the person in your heart. I think you need to be brave and tell her what you want for a relationship, and if she is not interested, then you can move on . At least you know you have tried and it is not just up to you, but 2 persons too.

I many be romanticism supporter, I do go with my feelings, my problem is I don’t usually show it much. So I need a guy to tell me exactly what he wants as I am no good at reading hints and signs too, and often reading subtle signals may lead to misunderstanding, it happens to me a lot of time.

So best approach is to talk to her and tell her what you feel and be brave!!!

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