Social Question

KateTheGreat's avatar

Should I, or should I not? (A relationship question)

Asked by KateTheGreat (13605 points ) August 7th, 2011

Right now, I do NOT want a relationship. This day and age, I try to avoid relationships like the plague. However, there are a couple of guys that are practically dying to be with me. Creepy guys, to put it bluntly.

I recently told them that I was dating “the man of my dreams” so they would go away. Which is in fact a bald faced lie from hell. I did this because these guys are significantly depressed people and I’m horribly afraid that telling them what I really feel would hurt them badly.

Should I tell them the truth or just let it be? I’m afraid if I bluntly told them “Oh hey, you’re creepy and stuff, get away from me, you’re disgusting.” that I would really hurt their feelings. And I really hate to hurt people’s feelings. It’s just not my thing.

On the other hand, lying is horrible. I hate lying, but I feel that in this case it is the better option.

Am I doing the right thing, or should I just say what I really feel? Both options feel incredibly horrible because I hate being so mean to people.

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35 Answers

Imadethisupwithnoforethought's avatar

I want to say let it be. Are they still asking you out even though they believe you are with someone?

KateTheGreat's avatar

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought Nope. They are leaving me alone, but acting very jealous.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

“if I bluntly told them “Oh hey, you’re creepy and stuff, get away from me, you’re disgusting.” that I would really hurt their feelings.”

We’re talking about the feelings of “Creepy guys, to put it bluntly”… right?

Give a Creep a spoonful of hot’n’spicy TRUTH, and he won’t be creepy no mo no mo no mo no mo.

TexasDude's avatar

Personally, I think you have a right to be left alone by these foreveralone creepers.

Therefore, you should dispose of them by any means necessary.

KateTheGreat's avatar

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard I’m afraid that they would an hero, to be frank.

everephebe's avatar

Drinking much Kate dear?^

jonsblond's avatar

You need to protect yourself. Whatever it takes.

so happy I’m not single.

Brian1946's avatar

“Therefore, you should dispose of them by any means necessary.”

”@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard I’m afraid that they would an hero, to be frank.”

Disposing of them would make them heroes?

KateTheGreat's avatar

@everephebe You know me well. ;)

The term “an hero” is sort of an internet joke. It’s code for “kill themselves.”

everephebe's avatar

Ba ba ba @KatetheGreat I forget that you taught me (directly indirectly) the word smexy.
I bow to your superior internet meme knowledge.

linguaphile's avatar

You said you told them you were dating the man of your dreams. Did they leave you alone after that? If so, I’d leave it at that because the mission’s accomplished and backtracking to tell the truth would just make it messier.
If they are not leaving you alone after your ‘man of dreams wall,’ that’s different. That means they’re not respecting your boundaries and that can get dangerous. I would tell them the truth—that you couldn’t be interested in them as anything more than acquaintances then let go of the results.

KateTheGreat's avatar

@everephebe you are a smexilicious beast.

@linguaphile They are still annoying the shit out of me. They are creepy as all hell.

King_Pariah's avatar

Perhaps a white lie? Go with saying they’re creepy and freak the hell out of you without saying they’re creepy and freak the hell out of you? Perhaps something like, “I don’t know you all that well and have no interest in getting to know you better because I feel no click between us so fuck off?”

everephebe's avatar

I have to agree with @Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard and add this:
Why are you in contact with these creepers?
And if they an hero so what?~

KateTheGreat's avatar

I am in contact with them because I am way too nice.

@King_Pariah Great idea.

linguaphile's avatar

That sounds unsafe :( What kind of creepy? Social skills deficient creepy or felon-quality creepy?

everephebe's avatar

Stop being nice. Block them from your internets and cease all contact. Any an hero-ing would so not be your problem.
If they would do that sort of thing it would suggest that they are unstable to begin with, however much good taste they are showing for inspiration. Again not your problem.

King_Pariah's avatar

Being too “nice” is becoming a fatal flaw of yours.

KateTheGreat's avatar

@linguaphile One of them, we’ll call him the “Creepopotamus” is a fat tub of lard who likes to tell me about how he “masturbates to my facebook pictures” and collects Power Rangers. He’s also never had a girlfriend and what not.

The other is “the Sophisticreep” and he is an older man who wants to be my sugar daddy. It’s kinda scary.

@King_Pariah You’re telling me. :/

Imadethisupwithnoforethought's avatar

Somebody on Fluther has to be in a bad-ass Military outfit. Can we get them to like, send a picture of themselves to you in uniform with a romantic letter you can flash?

jonsblond's avatar

Yeah. Being too nice will only hurt you in the end, unfortunately.

everephebe's avatar

-Click on report/block, fill in the appropriate appropriates.
-Don’t fall or play victim.
-Go kick some ass and take some names, per usual @KatetheGreat-ness .

linguaphile's avatar

Oh boy. That IS creepy, squared. I’m too nice sometimes and have had ‘too nice’ blow up into my face before… it’s not fun picking up the pieces afterwards. In retrospect, it’s always “I wish I had cut this off sooner…”

They might need friends, but that’s not your burden. Just tell them it’s not working out and maybe cut off contact.

I can’t imagine… I’m so sensitive that if someone tells me to get lost, I get the hell away and stay as far away as humanely possible. Wish I could instill a little of that into those guys for you!

KateTheGreat's avatar

Alright.

Here is what I did. I messaged them both and told them about said creepiness and blocked them.

I realllly hope it doesn’t hurt them that bad.

everephebe's avatar

Hell, I bet at least one of them is masturbating to that message right now. If he injures himself whilst flonking it oh well.
Kate darling, take care of #1 here, and I don’t mean in the loo. You’re letting people take advantage of your kindness and that needs to stop before it gets really bad. You have to end the harm that they are causing in your own life. And in the end you are limiting the harm done to them by nipping this in the bud.

linguaphile's avatar

What Evere said.

Regardless of the result, you’re better off safe than worrying about the comfort of unsafe people.

KateTheGreat's avatar

@everephebe I just puked a little. Hahahaha.

Sunny2's avatar

I probably sound like a pollyanna, but this discussion makes me sad. There is never an excuse for being rude or hurtful. “I’m really not interested and would like you to just leave me alone,” should do it. They’re creeps, but a creep isn’t necessarily dangerous. If it’s a dangerous person, you might have to take legal steps, but it doesn’t sound like that’s the case. I say, stick with your kind side and firmly but quietly say, “NO!”

who are you?

_zen_'s avatar

You were hinting in your details, right? Bald faced lie…

linguaphile's avatar

@Sunny2 I guess I’m coming from a different angle. I have been put in the hospital by someone whose feelings I was trying to spare- I considered his feelings, wanted everything to stay nice, didn’t want a confrontation… and when he found out, pummeled me to bits. It has happened more than once where my “too nice” got me in trouble, not them.

It IS still my first reaction to be nice and think of others way before I think of myself, but I’ve learned to weigh the conditions more carefully. Both guys already did not respect Anef’s requests, didn’t back off, and didn’t acknowledge her boundaries. That’s enough, I believe, to consider them unsafe. When will her boundaries be respected, if at all?

Sunny2's avatar

@linguaphile Well, first of all, it’s KatetheGreat asking and she’s no shrinking violet. Secondly, there’s a difference between letting yourself be taken advantage of because of being kind and being taken in. I’m sorry people have hurt you and I’m glad you are weighing conditions more carefully. That’s the issue. No one should take advantage of you and they won’t unless you let them. Granted there are dangerous people in the world, but one hopes they are pretty quickly identifiable. Of course there are exceptions. That’s a different matter. Think first, whatever you do and back off quickly and finally if necessary. YOU are in control of you, no one else.

linguaphile's avatar

@sunny2 My suggestions come from my experiences— my experience says Kate’s boundaries weren’t respected. My post before this was to explain where I was coming from, that’s all. Sometimes when one makes suggestions, it helps to explain the back-story. That experience I was drawing from is long, long gone and over with- but the lesson remains: sometimes when someone’s too nice, they get hurt from avoiding the necessary honesty.

Looks like Kate made her decision and all that remains is the result of the decision.

Only138's avatar

@KatetheGreat I think you should take them out from a mile away. No one would ever catch you. ;)

Leanne1986's avatar

I think lying to save someone’s feelings is not necessarily a bad thing. I see nothing wrong with telling a guy that you are taken even when you are not. It’s much kinder than telling him the truth in this instance. What good can come from telling anyone that they “disgust you”? Providing they are now leaving you alone that is. If they are still sniffing about then you could always say that you’re just not into them without going into the details of why.

Leanne1986's avatar

OK @KatetheGreat, I just read the whole “masturbating to your facebook pic” comment. Ignore what I said above and tell the creepos to fuck off.

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