What can I do about my bad mood?
I’m in a bad way at the moment, and have a mind full of poison and hate. I can forget about it, but don’t think that would be productive.
For the last couple of days my boss has been getting greedier and greedier and has been riding my ass to earn him more money even though I’m already earning the company over 20 times what the last guy to do my job was earning the company.
My boss lies, he says things and then goes back on his word. For example, at the job interview he told me that some days the hotel guests wont want to do anything, and on those days, I can just go home. The other day the guests did not want to do anything, and so I went home, and this made my boss angry, and he told me I should have staid and waited out my hours at the hotel, even if it was doing nothing. On several occasions now he has directly lied, and it is affecting my mood.
My boss can’t fire me, he is my boss, but it is a strange situation, if he tried to fire me he would lose a lot, I have enough power over him to guarantee my employment is not at risk, but it is still affecting my mood.
I used to be a very bad person when I was in my teens, and I probably still am deep down, or at least have the potential to be bad still.
My boss is starting to make me think bad things. I know some secrets that I could use to ruin his life, and he is starting to fill me with so much spite that I am contemplating using my secrets and other things against him.
I have been doing this job since the start of this year, and it has changed my life, specially in terms of how much it pays. It’s a great job, and I really like working there, I even like my boss when he is being reasonable. However, his recent greedy and deceptive behaviour is starting to make me paranoid, and I fear that if he keeps fucking with me that I’ll end up destroying everything he has worked for the past 37 years. I don’t want to be the bad guy again, and don’t want to be thinking these things. He has a family and children, and while they are totally innocent, if push comes to shove I will be forced to ruin them too.
What can I do so that it does not come to that? How can I change my mood and thoughts?
Talking to him about this is not an option.