How do I handle this one? What is an appropriate punishment(s)?

Besides other consequences, how about writing sentences over & over, Bart Simpson style: “I will not point guns at people.” or some such. Is 100 enough?

He must feel shame and remorse or the punishments won’t work.

I would take away the rifle and not let him use it for awhile, for starters.

Would you believe we’ve got 7 year old boys in our neighborhood running around having AirSoft battles?

—

I suggest donating his AirSoft rifle to a charity or selling it on eBay. He’s then not allowed to own an AirSoft gun until he’s of legal age to buy one himself with his own money.

@somalia4ever The gun is gone. Worst part is he is NRA trained in fire arm safety through the Boy Scouts and has taken the course twice now and certainly should have known better.

I would confiscate the rifle (perhaps permanently).

I would take away the Xbox, online and phone for two weeks.

I would consider having him visit kids in hospitals.

He must a give a formal apology to the kid and his parents, as well.

Take away the rifle. I don’t think he should have had it to begin with.
Have him write a well thought out letter of apology to the boy he hurt and deliver it to him in person.
Have him volunteer with deaf kids.
No XBox for a month.

6 months without privileges.His day would consist of school,homework,chores and bedtime.
He would also write his friend a letter of apology after apologizing in person to his friend with the boy’s parents present.
He needs to understand just how serious his actions were and what harm he caused that boy.

Not sure if this is real punishment (depends if he is already used to do so when it is asked for): let him apologize to his friend first.
He may be already have said sorry, right after he ‘shot him’, but make him go the friend and let him say that he sincerely regrets his action, because he could have (maybe did have) given him/her irreversible bodily damage and had he thought before he handled he would never had done it.
Of course he should really be aware of this himself the reason of apologies and the (possible) implications, not because you tell him it.
Big chance that apologizing feels like punishment for him (at first).
The advantage of this is of course that also the friend might feel a bit better (hopefully).
Additional punishments I am not a fan of, so I can’t give you those, but probably other Jellies will offer some.

The Airsoft gun and any other guns would be taken away for a good length of time,(at least a year).
I would also take away the X-box for several months at the very least.
The phone is probably a useful tool for you to communicate with him, so I might let him keep that. The computer would be used for school but not games for a while.
I would also make him talk to the other kid and his parents. He should show you all that he has learned what a bad mistake he made.
You are right to take his lack of judgment seriously, it will be a tough lesson for him, but one he must learn.

@rebbel His mom was standing 10 feet away when it happened and of course we were all concerned over the event and profuse apologies were the course of the moment.

I like @lucillelucillelucille‘s letter suggestion and will do just that and have my son hand deliver it tonight.

1. Gun is gone, like others said.
2. Some kind of restitution. What will his friend need, regarding care until he heals? (Can a ruptured ear drum heal?) What he took away, he has to help restore as much as he can. Stuff carried, help in school, that sort of thing.
3. Is there a way to (temporarily, of course) mimic what it’s like to have that injury, such as wearing an ear plug in that ear for some length of time?
4. Gun training, big time.

This situation is serious and calls for relevant consequences, not something arbitrary. I don’t see any connection between the Xbox and this incident. Mistreating a friend and misusing a weapon seem to me to call for real-world effects; he isn’t respecting either one. I think a significant loss in both cases—permanent confiscation of the gun, grounding of at least a month—are appropriate.

I could be wrong, though: I’ve wondered if shooter games and other fantasy simulations desensitized kids to violence and made them careless of consequences. If you think that might be so, then deprivation of the game box (and all virtual weapons) might be right on, and two weeks seems light to me.

There is a connection to the phone (hearing, socializing) and also to seeing friends. Let him have a disposable cell for calling home, but take away the social network. Let the grounding include not only hanging out but phone calls.

I, for one, might add an assignment of studying the ear and understanding the damage he did.

I would take away – for an indefinite time – anything involving “shooting” and “hearing”. So, the gun, the X-box, the phone, computer speakers, television and iPod / stereo for starters.

Bring home to him that he did two things that were very, very wrong: the “shooting” was one, and “harming his friend’s ear / hearing” is another.

I have no doubt that you’ve brought home to him the dangers and wrongness of what he did, and I don’t think that corporal punishment is going to be particularly useful in this case, but he has to feel some of the pain of “losing privilege” and even some of the loss that his friend must be feeling now.

Yard work. Tons and tons of yard work.

Make him do tons of things throughout the house, take the gun away for about a year and a half, and don’t let him near his xbox.

I am all for guns and teaching the young ones how to properly use them, but that is some serious shit. If he plays around with an airsoft like that, he could potentially kid around with a heavy duty rifle one day and blow something off.

@Cruiser I thought you would have done so.
A letter is a good one, provided, again, that he sees what his mistake was (if he just writes one to evade other punishments or to please you, it holds no value).
I had to write one once from my mother, when I was sixteen years old, and it felt to me as ‘stupid’ and embarrassing at first, but after I realized that the recipient ‘forgave’ me it felt as a relieve.
And I remember the whole episode vividly, also the lesson learned.

It’s too serious for a normal punishment. I wouldn’t let him near a gun for the foreseeable future.

I will also add there is a strong connection between the X-box and this event. He and these friends all play Xbox on line and is these army style shooter games so taking that away is a must. Oddly if it was working this may not have happened so they were horsing around and all 3 were taking turns dry firing the gun at each other. That is irrelevant though as he committed a terrible act that needs to have appropriate consequences with an emphasis on the wrongness of the act. I think @Jeruba has some great insight.

One other thing we are doing is he has to wear an earplug until this boys hearing is restored.

I would force him to live without anything auditory for a month. I mean no offense to those that are deaf at all I assure you. I would take away anything with sound especially things he enjoys. There are kids in my subdivision killing birds with airsoft guns and they’re only 10! It’s nuts. Who gives a kid that young an airsoft? They broke a $900 window at my house (big window) I hate those guns.

Also, honestly where I live the legal age is 18 – I’d hold you responsible too if I were the other kid’s parents. I sued over the window and won. :P

Bottom line is that as the parent you are in the best position to know what works for your child.

For mine, taking away privileges is the most effective. In this case, I would really play up the maturity/responsibility thing. I would take away his shooting range privileges as well as any first person shooter video games and make him earn those privileges back by proving to me that he not only understands the responsibility involved, but is mature enough to take that responsibility seriously.

@JessicaRTBH Here in the US and my state it is legal for kids to have them…they just can’t buy them.

“The federal law requires a person of 18 years or older to purchase an airsoft gun; however, a child is allowed to possess an airsoft gun at any age but normally restricted by the parents. This is true in most states in the United States, excluding Minnesota which the minimum age for a child to possess an airsoft gun is 14 years old. It is highly recommended for parents to carefully consider if their child is mature enough to own an airsoft gun because they appear so similar to a real firearm. Citizens or the police can mistake it as a threat (real gun) and misfortunes can occur.”

Just to clarify my son has taken firearm safety courses TWICE now, has both the rifle and shotgun merit badge from the Boy Scouts and is why this is such a serious breech of better judgement for him.

@ Cruiser you’re right. I stand corrected. I did hold the parents responsible legally for the window because what 10 year old has almost $1000?

It’s obviously a bad call on the parents part too in my opinion. Loss of hearing can be forever. Who cares about an x box?

I took a quick look and don’t think anyone else has mentioned this, but I think an apology letter to the boy’s parents is also in order. His friend might not realize how serious this situation is, whereas the parents will. They are also the ones having to deal with settling all the medical issues and time, money, and worry that come with them.

P.S. I am avowed pacifist, but the boy would not get a gun – Airsoft or otherwise – until he was of age, out of my house, and bought it for himself.

Take away the airsoft gun for an amount of time.
+
Take away the Xbox for an amount of time.
+
Have him do an old fashioned written report for you and also a draft to the injured friend’s family (hand written from brainstorming to final presentation) on airsoft accident/injuries in the last 1½–2 yrs time.

Cell phone… I don’t live your life and vice versa, but I’m 28 and don’t own a cell phone, I think the kid could maybe do without that for good, I don’t like these strange little devices one bit.

As for a punishment, I’d remove the xbox every day for a week until a specific physically demanding chore was completed.

No 1st shooter or shooting type of video games for 48 months.

Have to stand a Port Arms while watching 6 30 min. videos or Webinars on gun violence or guns safety.

4,500 hrs of gun violence or gun accident research.

Never thought I’d say this but I think @Hypocrisy_Central is onto something. You told us that he’s had gun safety training, so he obviously knows what he should be doing, but it sounds like he doesn’t understand why all that training matters. Research on gun violence sounds like an important lesson to me.

I have to share with everyone that 3 years ago my son refused to go to school. I stood there and told him I was going to take away his playstation…..he said I don’t care, I then told I will take away his computer….he said I don’t care, I then told him I will take away all the toys in his room, he said I don’t care. I threatened him with taking away everything of any value to him and he said I don’t care.

Knowing my son, taking things away will by symbolic at best. It will make me and my wife “think” we are doing our job as parents. For him it will breed resentment and hate.

But what will get his attention is his love for bowling. Yesterday I was given a brand new bowling ball by a pro bowler to give to my son….I am going to make him give it to this boy.

Cruiser, would you mind sharing how it actually happened? Your wife was standing there when it happened? What were the kids doing? I’m just curious what your son told you was the reason he did what he did? What did the other kid say happened?

@bkcunningham As far as I can piece together is they all were taking turns dry firing it in the room to the side of the front door. It was not in plain sight and they were whiling away the time while the moms yapped in the other room. His “reason” was they all were doing it. I am still stunned that he would point directly at the boys head and pull the trigger. It was spontaneous and in the heat of the moment and oh so wrong. I am so not OK that they were dry firing the gun….it is gone now so that will never happen again.

Video games do have a habit of glorifying violence, but it’s not going to make your kids into sociopaths. Gaming is actually beneficial in many ways- from sharpening your reflexes, increasing your spatial awareness, and even learning teamwork in an environment of active participation (I’ve even read that gamers who play for 30 min before a test score higher than those who don’t) Gaming is just as crucial to some people as doing the crossword, or reading, or running is to others. Since kid’s are spending so much time playing, and the online learning curve is so steep, they’re becoming very good. Anyone who has mastered something, knows that learning in general, becomes easier.

That said, it’s not necessarily bad to take the Xbox away- but keep in mind that you are removing something that makes him feel skillful and connected. When my parents took my N64 away, all it did was make me so angry and frustrated that I focused on the lack of game, instead of the reason it was taken away.

If you do take something away from him, give him optional tasks he can do in order to reduce his sentence (like cleaning out the fridge, mowing the lawn, helping with dinner, pulling weeds, etc) That way you can combine the negative reinforcement of being grounded, with the positive reinforcement of increased privileges for good behavior. He knows what he did was wrong already, all you have to do make sure he remembers this lesson~ Cheers!

Well, I just hate that it happened. Thank God the kid didn’t get hurt worse. My son and his friend were 9-years old and were spending the night at my house in a tent. I’d picked the little boy up from Little League practice, his dad was the coach for their team. He had a backpack for the sleepover/campout.

I’d checked on them several times throughout the night. They were fine. The next morning got up, went out and told them to pick up inside the tent and bring their sleeping bags inside and get ready for the rain and French toast. About five minutes later, my son came running into the house with a look of death on his face with tears streaming down his face and said, “Jonathon shot his eye out.”

To make a long story short, CO2 gun. Had them hid in the tent. Jonathon brought his from home in his backpack. Shooting birds in trees. A pellet hit and limb and hit Jonathon in the eye. Many surgeries later, he still has his eye. He lost his side vision and any hopes of being a state trooper. That was his dream.

Stupid kids. I feel partly responsible to this day. What they heck are you going do? The best you can is all I know.

I wasn’t trying to be an ass and I’m sorry @ cruiser because when I was 18 I purchased a paintball gun for my brother. It was stolen by a person he knew they then shot out a kid’s eye. I had to pay way more than the gun was worth and you cannot put a price on injuring somebody for life or possibly doing that. I thought my brother knew better. I learned the hard way.

@Cruiser

You just expressed one of the key elements of disciplining kids. As a teacher, I quickly learned that different things work with different kids. You have to reward or punish with the currency that is most valuable to them. I think your insight about the bowling ball is spot on and by giving it to the child whom he injured, also contains an element of restitution as well.

That being said, I think the Airsoft gun should be gone indefinitely or permanently. Regardless of whether he cares about it or not. It’s just not a necessary item in anybody’s life. Likewise for the FPS games. If it were my kid, that would be the end of it. Any kid can live a long happy life even tho “deprived” of violent video gaming. Believe it or not there are still parents who firmly believe that. There are still plenty of other types of video games. Violence is not a necessity for any kids life, that’s for sure. But that’s what I would do. You have to decide upon your own priorities. But perhaps a re-evaluation might not be such a bad thing.

Have you asked him WHY he did this? Was it just because “all the other kids were doing it” or what. If it were my child, apart from the entire punishment, I wouldn’t be able to rest easy until I knew exactly what was in his head and I’d be having a very in depth conversation about that, perhaps even a writing assignment describing exactly what he was thinking and feeling both before and after this event IN DETAIL.

For someone who has had specific firearms training, he definitely knows better. So is he just such a follower subject to peer pressure or was there something else? How much of this was imitating the video games? What’s really going on in his head.

I think you’re right to be this concerned. Not just because of the very real damage to the other boy but because of his apparent lack of either awareness or concern for consequences (I’m not really sure which)

I’m not familiar enough with all the specifics of NRA gun training but I do know that they teach to never even point a gun at someone unless you’re planning to kill or would them. It doesn’t matter how sure you are that it’s empty. You just don’t do it PERIOD.

But what specifically does the NRA teach about pellet guns? Do they even cover them at all?

You might consider speaking to one of the instructors to get further suggestions on how to handle this.

I guess he’s not the only kid with NRA training who has ever done something like this but I’m willing to bet it’s pretty damn rare.

I just find it very disturbing that he did somefthing this doofus. It’s the kind of thing you expect more out of younger children still at the age where they have difficulty distinguishing fantasy from reality. He is obviously easily old enough. Is he this immature in other aspects ?

Anyhow, I can certainly understand your concern. I wish you the best in dealing with a very difficult (and somewhat puzzling) situation.

P. S.

I just read through some of the responses posted while I was typing.

I wasn’t suggesting you eliminate all video gaming. I’m also aware that there are benefits to video gaming in terms of coordination, thinking, etc.

However, I have yet to see any research stating any advantages to violent video games, especially first-person shooters (FPS).

There are all types of other engrossing games, sports, mysteries, strategy, creating entire other new lifeforms etc.

Any child can live a happy productive enjoyable life without ever wasting inordinate amounts of time developing skills required for violence.

If he ever decides to join the armed services, I’m sure that basic training will teach him all he ever needs to know to become an efficient killing machine.

It’s the PTSD after-effects that they don’t have much of a handle on yet.

Your son has only seen the tiniest tip of the iceberg on the consequences of exposure to violence. Hopefully that will be enough.

I’m sure he won’t suffer from the absence of violent video gaming from now till age 18.

And if he misses it so much he has plenty of time to fulfill his quota after age 18 when hopefully some maturity and better judgement will be part of the picture as well.

I can think of several things that make sense to me, a non-parent, related to the underlying problem—he is the right age to start learning about potential consequences (intended and unintended) of one’s actions. One idea is to call the local police and explain what happened and see if your son can be set up for a ride along. Cops are usually more than happy to provide real first-hand experience of the damage guns can do to people as well as being able to explain the type of very real consequences that can result from horsing around with no intention of doing harm.

Another is a trip to the morgue to watch the autopsy of someone who was killed as a result of gun violence (may be too overwhelming at his developmental age). Another alternative is a trip to a VA hospital to have a chat with a veteran who has experienced the damage guns can cause. A visit to a burn unit or other places where people are recovering from the stupidity of others (or their own stupidity) may also have an impact.

You can take away the X-box, but he can always play at a friend’s house. You could leave the X-box but limit him to non-violent games (do they make any?)

He can be the kid who does NOT get to go hunting this season as he clearly needs to demonstrate a better understanding of gun safety.

Have him write a class on gun safety, using his own self as an example of what can happen when they choose to ignore their training. Especially the part about a moment of forgetfulness can change your life.

-get rid of gun indefinitely.
-don’t let him do anything associated with guns.
-even when you give the gun back, you want to make sure he only uses it under adult supervision.
-take away extracurricular activities (sports, clubs, Boy Scouts) for a while.
-take away video games, the internet, bowling, etc for a while.
-don’t let him hang out at his friend’s house if he will play video games there.

Some good news, ruptured eardrums do not cause permanent hearing loss, so his friend will recover.

Update: I just got home and there was a message from the boys mom that a trip to the doctor verified no damage to the ear drum and said he should get full hearing back in 2–3 days. The mom sounded very grateful for our concern and handling of this issue.

FYI my son was in therapy for his school anxiety issue and I contacted his old therapist who reminded me of how my son was his own worst critic and would beat himself up over being a “bad kid” who could do no good and cautioned against over lecturing him as he is probably beating himself up pretty good over this for being a bad kid again.

She also reminded me one of his issues as a 9 yr old was impulse control and this event was just that…impulsive and that we should continue to reinforce his good choices and remind him of his not so good choices and of course to not minimize the severity of his action but not lecture him as he is doing just that every time he want to play his Xbox.

As far as punishment she suggested that he give back through a service project with the scouts so he can demonstrate to us and himself that he is capable of making good choices with positive consequences. She even thought it would be a good opportunity for him to suggest one of his own.

So far: Hand written letter of apology hand delivered to the injured boy, Loss of X-Box for 6 weeks, no on line computer privileges for same duration, air soft long gone never to return, and scheduled a gun safety course through Gander Mountain later this month. A service project TBD.

I like the letter idea and losing the air rifle and other perks for a period of time. Perhaps several weeks to a month.

Yes, this was, and is ‘serious’, but….to play devils advocate, the boy made a mistake and while he does need to be made aware of the negligence of his actions, he is also TWELVE, and, I do not feel he should be shamed and have any heavy guilt trips layed on him.

Punish him yes, but, do NOT continue to punish him emotionally by withdrawing your affections. I know you won;y, I can tell you are a good and concerned dad.

@Cruiser Great update. I’m sure talking to his therapist helped you too. You seem like a great parent, so stop beating yourself up for this. It wasn’t your fault.

@Kayak8

There are plenty of video games without shooting and violence.

The same type of agility is required for the various sports games as for FPS types. I’m thinking of the Basketball one particularly.

The are others which are more creative like Spore or some of the space games. There are ones like The Sims or mystery solving games.

These are just a few off the top of my head and there are plenty more but I’m not really a gamer. Obviously, the violent shooting ones are among the most popular but when was the argument of “but Dad, everybodys doing it” ever valid for anything that kids want to do in spite of common sense, drugs, drinking, jumping off of roofs etc.

But this gives me an idea for a Q. Maybe some experienced gamers out there can give some input.

@Cruiser Good luck. Your children are very lucky to have a caring dad and I am very happy to hear that you’re taking this very seriously.

Very happy to hear that the kid will have his hearing back soon.

Take everything away for 30 days. This could have been a much more serious situation and outcome. He must be taught a lesson.

30 days away for all his entertainment. He may stood do his homework and eat.

Is this correct? Your son is 12. He has anxiety. He’s been trained on how to handle a gun. The accident was not intentional. He feels guilty.

I don’t see where a punishment is deserved in this scenario. The son is already heaping guilt upon himself. What he needs is support and confirmation that what happened was wrong, but it does occasionally happen. There are parents that gloss over the behavior of their children, but after a year of reading your posts, you do not seem to fit in this category.

Ask your son how he feels about this situation. His response could be enlightening. While he is your son, he is a different person. By discussing this situation with him logically, it should guide both of you to the proper response.

Thinking about all your additional information, @Cruiser, and having @Pied_Pfeffer‘s sensitive response in mind, I have to say this: if this were my son, one of the first things I would have done is take stock of my boy’s reaction and state of mind. And then I would have asked him: “What do you think should happen?”

Sometimes they are harder on themselves than anything we administer. Their own thoughts and feelings reach deeper than what we can touch with loss of some privilege. My parents always got to me most just by talking to me in a sad, reproachful way that just killed me.

I’ve just recalled an incident with my older boy that I had completely forgotten. When he was 5 or 6, I took him to a company-sponsored event for kids that included a piñata. One of the little guys who took a blindfolded swing at the piñata with a heavy stick unintentionally let go of the stick, which flew into the crowd and struck another child in the face. Suddenly the injured child was in the midst of a huddle of anxious, consoling attention. And rightly so; he’d been hurt. My son promptly went to offer his comfort and sympathy—to the child who’d flung the stuck, who was standing all alone, in tears, and looking stricken to death. I was very proud of my little boy for perceiving that two people were hurt by the accident and not just one.

Your son did wrong, @Cruiser, and that can’t be passed over without a parental response. It was no accident. But if he understands the seriousness of his misdeed and is truly remorseful, I think letting him participate in assigning consequences is potentially more effective than any unilateral punishment that you might devise.

Excellent advise, @Jeruba. Beautifully stated. I agree 100 percent.

I also agree with @Jeruba , but I’ll bet that @Cruiser is probably already there.

There’s an additional specific lesson here: Unloaded guns can be as dangerous as loaded ones. Anyone remember Jon-Erik Hexum? He was a Hollywood hunk who died accidentally in 1984 by putting a movie gun loaded with blanks to his head and pulling the trigger.

All gun owners should understand that all guns (including air guns) are designed to deliver a great deal of energy in a small space—that’s what makes them technological marvels & that’s what makes them so fearsome and controversial.

Everyone made good suggestions, but coming from a gun safety family, I’d agree with @Hypocrisy_Central‘s suggestion that he take gun safety classes—sometimes a little bit of education goes a long way.

Young boys should not have guns of any kind. My neighbors children used to shoot their b-b guns into the water, b-b whistling by our heads. Absurd. I had to go and bring out the parents, say that it was totally unacceptable for them to be shooting their b-b’s so close to my children and all of us. They did stop—but that fact that this was going on just astounds me. So much for NRA training and boyscout training.
As for punishment, other than never letting him use a gun of any kind again, it might be a reverse—like having him do other activities (helping other kids, reading with children, etc.) and then giving him great praise for that. Maybe this will be a turning point in his life, one that will turn him away from guns and hurting accidentally or not, to awareness of others and helping.
@Cruiser Do you have guns? If so, maybe it’s time for you to show him that you also are going to get rid of your guns—that your home will be gun free as a good example to him and all the other children who come to your home.

My son’s best friend shoved a piece of candy deep into his ear when he was 12. We had to rush him to the emergency room to get it removed. I’ve giving you an answer a parent would want to hear if their son had been injured.

I like the idea of an apology letter, though a visit from the parents and child would be better. One month without his favorite activity, and extra chores around the house.

The three hours I had to spend rushing to the emergency room, then waiting and wondering if my son had permanent damage was agonizing. It made me more upset when I noticed my son’s friend riding around on his bicycle a few days later.

and after typing all of this I just read your update @Cruiser. I’m happy to hear your son’s friend will be ok.

@Cruiser You have got this! Good move talking to the child’s therapist!

I wouldn’t take away the xbox. The Xbox had nothing to do with the event and shouldn’t be included in the punishment. I recall how angry I’d get towards my parents when they took away my laptop or other electronics. Seeing as a) i paid for the items myself therefore they should have no right to take it away and b) they only took it because they knew how much time i spent on it. And I’d spend the duration of the punishment angry towards them instead of regretting what I had done.

Like Pied_Pfeffer said, your son’s own guilt for hurting his friend serves as it’s own punishment.

But if you still feel a punishment is called for, I like the idea of him writing a letter or helping out/visiting other children in the hospital. In addition, you might want him to retake a class on gun safety and only allow him to handle the airsoft gun again once he has completed the course.

Time-measured punishments are not recommended as the child does not learn anything from it.
(ie. no xbox for a month, etc). There must be away for the child to make up for his actions (ie. you can play airsoft again after you take a gun safety course | write a letter and your friend will forgive you | help out in the hospital – realize what a serious issue this is, etc)

How can anyone state with certainty that video games had absolutely nothing to do with this.

Cruiser himself (the Father of the boy) stated that there is “a strong connection with the Xbox” since he has observed the types of games that his son and his friends play. Army type shooter games, to be specific.

Everyone who is familiar with kids, either as a teacher or parent, knows how much kids imitate the culture with which they’re surrounded. There is no getting around it.

A responsible parent does whatever they can to keep their kids away from the more harmful trends in our society and that’s precisely what Cruiser is doing.

Every child dislikes any type of discipline which a parent enforces no matter how minor or major. They would hardly be normal if they didn’t.

But that shouldn’t deter any parent from acting in their childs own best interests.

Let’s face it; no child is going to suffer permanent damage from being without an Xbox for awhile. And even when the Xbox is removed, being restricted from shooting games isn’t going to kill any kid either.

But the opposite could happen and has. Any child can live a long healthy life minus shooting (either fantasy or real).

An atypically impulsive child needs to be protected from those impulses at times for their own safety and that of others.

Personally, I don’t view it from a punishment point of view but rather a protective one. Most young kids just aren’t mature enough to handle any type of guns, empty or loaded. Many many kids grow up without access to guns of any type until they’re 18 or older.

Access to guns is not a requirement for a complete childhood. And the same goes for violent shooting games as well. Kids think they need them. The truth is they want them. Not everything in life that we want is what we need. Parents are in a kids life to make those distinctions for them when they are not yet mature enough to make those distinctions themselves.

@Cruiser

It’s clear that you are a Father who is very connected with your son and aware of the majority of what’s going on in his mind and heart and I see that the therapist also has a good handle on what makes him tick. That was my main concern initially before the additional updates you provided. But you really are far more aware than many other parents whom I’ve encountered over the years.

I’m sure you’ll make the decisions best for this difficult situation. Your son seems like a sensitive and caring type of child, impulsive tho he may be.

I’ve dealt with many kids with similar traits over the years and for what it’s worth, my basic advice for parents of kids with impulse problems was that kids like this needed a tighter rein and more clearly defined boundaries. Not in a punitive way. Just a bit more structure and more supervision. Each child is an individual and the “rules” or “privileges” can vary from one child to another even in the same family.

This structure is dependent on lots of different factors like age, emotional maturity level, individual needs etc. The parents are the ones who, in ongoing discussions with each child, are the ones who decide.

And it’s always much easier to start out stricter and ease up as necessary rather than the reverse. But right now you face the opposite in response to this recent event.

I would strongly urge you to keep as much distance between this child and guns of any sort for as long as possible (not punitively but protectively)

I honestly don’t know how much good any more gun safety instruction can do. The aim of those classes is to provide accurate factual info regarding guns. But it’s pretty obvious that he already had that info. And certainly more than the average child. But these organizations can’t realistically provide the structure or internal control necessary to prevent the recent incident. The basic idea is that the info on the consequences is deterrent enough. But not to overcome the impulsivity of some kids.

That has to come from within each individual (or the structure provided by the parents). Merely knowing facts does not provide maturity or perspective.

This child just isn’t mature enough yet to handle guns.
That’s just my personal and professional opinion as a teacher who has dealt with kids of all types for many years.

The ultimate decision, of course, is yours.

I want to thank each and every Jelly that took the time to share their thoughts. I never expected this much time and effort and care you each put into your answers! Really helpled me sort through a difficult and emotional event in our lives. Fortunately the good news is the boy seems he will be alright. Delivering the hand written apology from my son really helped and had the most impact on all involved. It took great resolve for my son to write this letter and then stand in the foyer of their home as we discussed the event. The dad was very appreciative that we took the time to inquire on their sons condition and convey a sincere and respectful apology. Taking responsibility for ones actions is one of life’s more difficult challenges and I am proud my son has done just that.

@fluthering and @Buttonstc thanks for putting up some stellar thoughts on this matter…much appreciated.