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Your_Majesty's avatar

Which version of problem-solving method should I choose to keep my self-esteem due to almost-discovered lies?

Asked by Your_Majesty (8212 points ) September 6th, 2011

I want you to choose, and give your opinion.

Issue:
I just lied to my lecturer’s assistant that I was moved from a very famous university while in fact I was from not-so-famous ones. All my other acquaintances also knew since he asked me in front of the class. He somehow managed to corner me and almost-find out about my lies but I didn’t admit it. I’m going to meet him again a few days from now, and I’m afraid that he’ll ask me again, or even worse, force me to admit it. At first I thought lying to him and those I have no close relationship with won’t matter that much since I won’t spend a long time there to meddle with them until my graduation anyway. But… I feel like it may costs me lots of self-esteem. I’ve designed 3 ways to solve this issue to lower the cost of self-esteem as low as possible but I don’t know which one is better, please pay your attention:

Method 1:
If he asks then I’ll honestly tell him the truth that I lied to him, and them since I was afraid that they may underestimate me for coming from ‘bad’ place, or even give me a label. I don’t want them to give me a pity.

Method 2:
If he asks me then I’ll tell him another lies in order to confuse him, and hoping that he won’t know much about it. Another lies again if necessary, and being persistent.

Method 3:
If he asks me then I’ll be mean and blunt to him, I’ll act like a Bit*h and say “I lied to you! So what!? I don’t even care about it!”. I suspect that they may be shocked by my bravery and will hate me for sometime, and then they’ll forget it and treat me like the way they used to be.

So… Have you give it a thought? I know whichever I choose will cost me my self-esteem but I want it as lower as possible. Do you think there’s a big chance that he’ll forget about it and never ask me again? I can be flat-faced and overly-rational if necessary. I’m so embarrassed… I may even have lost some self-esteem for asking this question.

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15 Answers

the100thmonkey's avatar

Which version should you choose?

Do what you think is right.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I would choose method one.

YoBob's avatar

Well, first off I wouldn’t have lied to begin with, but what’s done is done.

I’d go with method 1. Not only does it most elegantly address the situation, you won’t have to worry about covering a lie anymore.

Cruiser's avatar

Admitting you lied IMO may actually raise your self esteem as it takes guts to admit you lied and your LA should give you points for admitting your short coming. For maximum effect you should broach the subject before they have a chance to ask you.

zenvelo's avatar

The best way to raise your self esteem is to go to him and tell him you lied, and apologize, and, if you know, explain why you lied.

Everything else will be false emotionally, and you will know it is false. The three will contribute to lower self-esteem

Neizvestnaya's avatar

For your esteem, admit you lied and take the consequences. Don’t expect them to reward your coming clean though. Do this for you and for the lesson that lies can really complicate things more than a less than ideal truth.

flutherother's avatar

Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive! Better to have told the truth in the first place. I suspect he may already know so I would come clean at the earliest opportunity.

Nullo's avatar

‘Fess up. In fact, spill your beans before it comes up again, to regain some of your credibility. Then go with Method 1.

Judi's avatar

Option 1. Lies require constant maintenance, while the truth, even belated shows character and allows you to put the lies of the past behind you.
My daughter used to have a lying problem and worked hard, with the accountability of several friends and family to overcome it. Her’s was so bad that she would lie for the sake of lying, even if it wouldn’t effect any outcome.
It took her several years, and actually ASKING others to call her out on her lies for her to overcome this nasty habit.
You need to start by being honest with yourself, and those you have lied to. Just the act of fessing up will relieve a burden on your heart.
Committing to live a life of integrity will do more for your self esteem than you can imagine.

Jeruba's avatar

Well said, @Judi.

Kayak8's avatar

I agree with all of the above statements, but there is another element that I didn’t see mentioned above. Why in the world is he asking a potentially embarrassing question in a public setting? This seems designed to humiliate.

I think I would go to him directly (as indicated above) and tell him that I was not clear why he asked me the question about my prior university in a public setting and that I provided an answer that was not accurate as my prior university is irrelevant to my current course of study and my being a conscientious student.

I also suspect that there are some cultural issues at play here that are not entirely clear to at least some of your American responders (myself included) and that a better understanding of the context of his asking you the question and why you responded as you did might help us understand the cultural considerations better.

gondwanalon's avatar

You messed up. Learn from this so that you never tell a lie again.

Tell the truth and you will become stronger from it.

If you keep on telling lies then you will not learn from this mistake.

stardust's avatar

I think option one would build your self-esteem in the long run. I’m not going to rave on telling you that you did the wrong thing. You already know that. Now is the time for pro-action. I’d approach the lecturer and explain the situation. He’s human – we’re fallible. You’ll feel better and you won’t be chasing your tail every time you run into him.

mrrich724's avatar

To me the only viable option of the three given is “Option 1”

Jaxk's avatar

Stop trying to save your self-esteem. You through that away in the beginning. Take your licks and go with option 1.

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