Social Question

silverangel's avatar

How to become more sociable?

Asked by silverangel (936 points ) September 26th, 2011

I have problems communicating with real people (and I don’t know why) I am not afraid of people but whenever a subject comes up I feel like words and ideas just disappear from my head and I just stand silently, which results in me becoming a non-talkative person so I don’t have many real friends. I do have some e-friends but still, although I talk more than in the real life, I find talking is a hard thing to do.
I don’t wish to become a talk-without-stopping person but I do hope I can become more open. Can anybody provide me with solutions? All ideas and opinions are welcome (with little sarcasm)
Thank you in advance

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23 Answers

Afos22's avatar

In all honesty, is it possible that you have Asperger syndrome?

augustlan's avatar

Practice, practice, practice. Do you have someone in your real life you can enlist to help you with this? I’m thinking that if you were to go somewhere with this person, and practice talking to other people with your helper by your side, you might feel a little more comfortable. Kind of like having a safety net, you know?

Also, welcome to Fluther!

silverangel's avatar

@Afos22 I am normal. I can speak fluently to my piano teacher. I only find this difficulty with new people. I mean if the other person doesn’t talk to me first and start a conversation, I find it uneasy for me to do so.
@augustlan Thanks for your support, I do find it easy to talk to other people when there is someone who provides me encouragement but when this person leaves, the difficulty returns.
Will this situation remain like this or the ability to talk to other people when I’m alone will develop by time?

Bellatrix's avatar

It sounds to me as though you are very shy and probably an extreme introvert. Having to speak to people means you have to respond quickly whereas online communication allows you to think about what you want to say and you can edit before hitting send.

I agree with @augustlan it does come down to practice and confidence. Perhaps you could try to initiate discussion about topics you feel confident about? Read the newspaper, watch the news, keep up with current events so that when you are in a position where you need to engage with people you don’t know well, you can talk with some confidence about particular topics.

I am not sure how old you are, but if you are young I think you will find this will get better as you get older and feel more self-assured. Don’t be afraid to say you are shy and if you are in a conversation, and it is moving too fast and people have moved on before you are ready, say “oh I had something to add on that topic” so you can get your point across.

Take opportunities to talk to people in a face-to-face setting too. Communicating online might be easier but it doesn’t help you to develop your confidence.

augustlan's avatar

@silverangel As @Bellatrix says, if you are relatively young, this is likely to improve with age and self-confidence. I also agree with her in that it’s fine to let people know you’re shy. I think the biggest thing is to just make yourself take the risk, even though you’re anxious. Just dive in and say hello. :)

silverangel's avatar

@augustlan and @Bellatrix Thank you for your help, I will keep your advice in mind and I will swing into action

jessyamr's avatar

Once i was watching videos on
youtube and i came accross some which encourage shy people to become more sociable, it advised to go to a lot of social events alone like concerts or public parties and try to talk to people there. It said it will be a lot easier since all people there are strangers unlike colleagues at school or college. Unfortunately I don’t remember the exact source but I am sure I saw it on youtube if you want to check itr college. Unfortunately I don’t remember the exact source but I am sure I saw it on youtube if you want to check it

silverangel's avatar

@jessyamr That’s too bad but thanks for your help, I will consider this too

Scooby's avatar

All of the above advice mostly plus, be yourself & avoid alcohol at all costs :-/

silverangel's avatar

@Scooby Thanks and don’t worry, I don’t drink or smoke

Scooby's avatar

@silverangel

Just speaking from my past experience, alcohol is a no, no….. you should be fine then, go get em ;-)

silverangel's avatar

@Scooby I appreciate your concern and help

Scooby's avatar

@silverangel

Granted. ;-)

creative1's avatar

It is something you have to make a plan to do and follow through… what you do is know in advance what you want to say to someone and then say it to them. After a while of doing this over and over again it will become natural. But practice is the key to doing anything you really want to improve on in life. Nothing will be perfect so don’t get upset with yourself if things don’t follow through like they did in your mind

silverangel's avatar

@creative1 I always knew it would never be easy, I will practice more and will spare no effort in it. Thank you for your help ;-)

unused_bagels's avatar

Ask questions in the Social sect—- oh wait, you are already doing that.

gm_pansa1's avatar

As soon as I find out the answer to this question, I will let you know. ^.^

GabrielsLamb's avatar

I wouldn’t want to know that. This is about as social as I get.

Paradox1's avatar

Practice, practice, practice.

Start with your comfort zone (friends) and then move to the edges of this zone and then expand it. Then break it! And go outside of it.

You would not expect to become more educated without studying, nor would you expect to learn how to fly a plane without practice. Any other examples may be substituted. Communication is a skill like any other.

silverangel's avatar

@unused_bagels this point never missed me
@gm_pansa1 I am looking forward to it ;)
@Paradox1 sounds like a good plan, thanks for your help

TheIntern55's avatar

Well welcome to Fluther! This is one way toecome more social!
As for your problem, my friend had that problem. One reason was she was an only child born to parents late in their life. The only people she felt comfortable talking with were adults. I am extremely outgoing and therefore took her and introduced her to some people who I knew had gone through that. We all just initiated conversation and I threw in subjects I knew she liked. She isn’t as shy anymore. Do you have anyone who you know well enough that could do this with you? Also, it’s sorta of like getting in a cold pool. Once you get in, you warm up to it.

plethora's avatar

Barbara Walters solution was….“Ask questions”, and on that she built a career….asking questions. And this is the secret. People who like to talk to hear the sound of their voices are boring. But people who ask others about themselves are considered brilliant conversationalists….assuming, of course, that you are interested in their responses and follow up with more questions.

silverangel's avatar

@TheIntern55 There is somebody I know, I will just go ask her to help me and thanks for the welcoming
@plethora Thank you for this idea, it is really helpful

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