Social Question

zensky's avatar

Christina Hendricks, an attractive woman de jour, has these suggestions for men - do you agree with some/all of them?

Asked by zensky (13291 points ) September 30th, 2011

Thanks, Esquire.

From your experience – would love to hear from both men and women.

Here goes:

We love your body. If we’re in love with you, we love your body. Your potbelly, everything. Even if you’re insecure about something, we love your body. You feel like you’re not this or that? We love your body. We embrace everything. Because it’s you.

Speaking of your body, you don’t understand the power of your own smell. Any woman who is currently with a man is with him partly because she loves the way he smells. And if we haven’t smelled you for a day or two and then we suddenly are within inches of you, we swoon. We get light-headed. It’s intoxicating. It’s heady.

We remember forever what you say about the bodies of other women. When you mention in passing that a certain woman is attractive — could be someone in the office, a woman on the street, a celebrity, any woman in the world, really — your comment goes into a steel box and it stays there forever. We will file the comment under “Women He Finds Attractive.” It’s not about whether or not we approve of the comment. It’s about learning what you think is sexy and how we might be able to convey it. It’s about keeping our man by knowing what he likes.

We also remember everything you say about our bodies, be it good or bad. Doesn’t matter if it’s a compliment. Could be just a comment. Those things you say are stored away in the steel box, and we remember these things verbatim. We remember what you were wearing and the street corner you were standing on when you said it.

Never complain about our friends — even if we do. No matter how many times we say a friend of ours is driving us crazy, you are not to pile on. Not because it offends us. But because it adds to the weight that we carry around about her.

Remember what we like. When I first started dating my husband, I had this weird fascination with the circus and clowns and old carnival things and sideshow freaks and all that. About a month after we started dating, he bought me this amazing black-and-white photo book on the circus in the 1930s, and I started sobbing. Which freaked him out. I thought, Oh, my God, I mentioned this three or four weeks ago and talked about it briefly, but he was really listening to me. And he actually went out and researched and found this thing for me. It was amazing.

We want you to order Scotch. It’s the most impressive drink order. It’s classic. It’s sexy. Such a rich color. The glass, the smell. It’s not watered down with fruit juice. It’s Scotch. And you ordered it.

Stand up, open a door, offer a jacket. We talk about it with our friends after you do it. We say, “Can you believe he stood up when I approached the table?” It makes us feel important. And it makes you important because we talk about it.

No shorts that go below the knee. The ones almost like capri pants, the ones that hover somewhere between the kneecap and the calf? Enough with those shorts. They are the most embarrassing pants in the world. They should never be worn. No woman likes those.

Also, no tank tops. In public at least. A tank top is underwear. You’re walking around in your underwear. Too much.

No man should be on Facebook. It’s an invasion of everyone’s privacy. I really cannot stand it.

You don’t know this, but when we come back from a date, we feel awkward about that transition from our cute outfit into sexy lingerie. We don’t know how to do this gracefully. It’s embarrassing. We have to find a way to slip into another room, put on the outfit as if it all happened very easily, and then come out and it’s: Look at me! Look at the sexy thing I’ve done! For you, it’s the blink of an eye. It’s all very embarrassing. Just so you know.

Panties is a wonderful word. When did you stop saying “panties”? It’s sexy. It’s girlie. It’s naughty. Say it more.

About ogling: The men who look, they really look. It doesn’t insult us. It doesn’t faze us, really. It’s just — well, it’s a little infantile. Which is ironic, isn’t it? The men who constantly stare at our breasts are never the men we’re attracted to.

There are better words than beautiful. Radiant, for instance. It’s an underused word. It’s a very special word. “You are radiant.” Also, enchanting, smoldering, intoxicating, charming, fetching.

Marriage changes very little. The only things that will get a married man laid that won’t get a single man laid are adultery and whores. Intelligence and humor (and your smell) are what get you laid. That’s what got you laid when you were single. That’s what gets you laid when you’re married. Everything still works in marriage: especially intelligence and humor. Because the sexiest thing is to know you.

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45 Answers

zensky's avatar

She certainly is pulchritudinous. Just saying.

augustlan's avatar

Some of that stuff is just ridiculous. Seriously. And I actually hate the word “panties”. Please don’t say that around me.

Jellie's avatar

@zensky you should have numbered em you know. So it’s easy to refer to. And ”pulchritudinous”?!?!

In a nutshell, I agree with about 15–20%. Agree with the one about loving his smell, about loving when a guy orders scotch and the tank tops in public. Hate tank tops on men everywhere!!

Disagree a whole lot with the Facebook thing, the thing about changing into sexy underwear and loving no matter what the body looks like. I would appreciate my man to stay in shape. Don’t care about what girls he compliments, I’m pretty alright with whatever he wants to say about most women.

Londongirl's avatar

Its a long essay to read… ;)

tedibear's avatar

Let’s see, I don’t agree with the scotch – who cares what he drinks? I disagree about Facebook. My husband is on Facebook, though not often any more, and it doesn’t bother me at all. Neutral about “panties” as a word. As for calling me beautiful, please do! As often as he would like.

Londongirl's avatar

When a guy compliment my body, I always think may be I have not had a beautiful face…

Scooby's avatar

As with many women, I lost interest half way through :-/

CWOTUS's avatar

I agree 1000% about those ridiculous below-the-knee “short pants” that some men (mostly younger men, I think) wear. They look like clowns.

Not that I read this or anything.

JLeslie's avatar

Maybe half.

I think generally we are not overly critical of the body of the man we love. A little extra fat here and there, no problem. It needs to get extreme for it to be a problem for me. My husband has fluctuated 30 pounds at times, and I don’t care at all.

As far as smell, his smell is familiar which I like. But, I like if he wears cologne too. It is only about associating a particular smell with the man we love I think, it doesn’t matter to me if it is natural or artifical.

I do remember which women my husband finds attractive, their body type. I certainy know which parts of me don’t fit the type, and where he is critical of my body.

Remembering what we like means you are paying attention, and care about our desires and happiness. It is a nurturing behavior in my opinion.

I don’t mind if my husband complains a little about my friends if I am complaining too. But, I really don’t want to hear that he doesn’t want them to visit or is acting jealous of them, when I get so much happiness from my girlfriend relationships.

I prefer my man not order any alcohol. If he decides to have a drink, I don’t care what he has. He should order whatever he prefers.

I never thought changing into lingerie is awkward. Typically I didn’t bother to change anyway. If we were going to have sex, the clothes came off, done.

Oggling can be annoying, but honestly when a woman has her breasts out there for all to see, I have trouble not looking at them also. Not for sexual reasons, but it is distracting. Still, spend some time looking us in the eye and being interested in what we have to say.

The long shorts are ridiculous. Nothing sexy about that, and a huge fashion faux pas.

Radiant is not the best choice in my opinion. Gorgeous and stunning are better. Beautiful is still a fantastic compiment. I think of beauty in an artistic sense, an appreciation for natural beauty.

I agree marriage and dating are pretty much the same for sex, except that as we get older and married there is many times more pressures in life and more exhaustian.

mazingerz88's avatar

I agree, a man being on Facebook is just lame. You cannot have Scotch in your hand and be on Facebook. You can be on Facebook if you are a guy wearing panties. And standing up when she’s about to leave and opening the door should never get old. That loving attention is akin to looking her in the eyes as she orgasms.

JLeslie's avatar

@mazingerz88 Your answer made me realize I did not comment about facebook or panties.

Regarding facebook, I have no problem with men being on facebook. The only time it is a problem for either sex is when it become more important than the loved ones in your house. Facebook is a fantastic way to keep in touch with people, and I think men tend to be out of touch in general, lack close friendships and support.

Panties or underwear. Doesn’t matter to me. I don’t hear panties used much anymore. I use it when I am being sort of cute.

CWOTUS's avatar

Being a man and “concerned about being seen on Facebook” is a great way to lose man cred. I’m on Facebook and I don’t care who knows that. (Although too-frequent and too-lame status updates are obviously feh.)

janbb's avatar

Stupid, shallow sexist generalizations.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

The first half rings very true with me. Then when she starts talking about Scotch, and shorts, and panties, and Facebook.. she lost me.

Blackberry's avatar

Sorry, don’t feel like reading all of that now. But she is just a human being; she is not special because she’s pretty. From what others have siad, I probably don’t like her anymore, anyway.

And wanting to keep in touch with my friends and family that I’m thousands of miles away from on facebook is my business.

Allie's avatar

I don’t think I need to look to Christina Hendricks for how I should feel or be, or how the men I love should feel or be. I’m not Christina Hendricks.

Coloma's avatar

My opinion?

If I never see one more article on how to catch and keep a man or woman, it won’t be soon enough. Gah!

Is this what preoccupies 90% of the population?

Get a life. lol

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Who cares what she specifically thinks or advises men on? These things shouldn’t be generalizable.

zensky's avatar

It’s still an Esquire cover story. Apparently, some people do care what she thinks.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@zensky In that kind of dumb way we care about any of those magazines.

zensky's avatar

I don’t think Esquire is holding their breath waiting for your subscription.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@zensky Oh, but they are. They want me to feel like I can be like her. They want men to buy the magazine thinking they can get a woman like her (‘cause presumably her large breasts mean she’s a great girlfriend) if only they follow her advice. They care if nobody buys into the myths they perpetuate.

Blueroses's avatar

@Scooby Best answer!
Frankly, my time would be better spent rinsing out my panties in the sink than reading all of this outdated and recycled tripe.

fizzbanger's avatar

She is spot-on with the smell thing. Mmm, pheromones.

woodcutter's avatar

I think she’s one brick short of a load.

6rant6's avatar

Next time, I’m going to order Scotch. We’ll see…

As for the smell… yes, she loves it when I smell like the cologne she bought me.

A lot of the other stuff rings true. Doesn’t sound like she’s been married very long. As for the words we choose, that’s clearly an individual preference.

wundayatta's avatar

Dollars to donuts she did not write that. It’s too glib. Too magaziney, if you know what I mean. Just what women say so often it’s a cliche.

How come you didn’t link to the story. I had no idea who she was (still don’t), nor, more importantly, how she looked. Which is to say that if you’re not into humongous breasts or hair coloring, then she’s just another skinny-legged girl next door.

Not that I know who she is. I know the package. Not her. Based on the package, I’m not sure I’d want to know her, either. So you can pay attention to her advice if you want. It doesn’t do all that much harm and might help a few neanderthals even. For me? Meh. I got better things to be doing.

janbb's avatar

FWIW, I don’t like pot bellies even on my man and I don’t love it when he stinks of sweat or garlic. As I said, stupid, silly generalizations.

zensky's avatar

@wundayatta Voted Esquire’s most beautiful woman of the year.

trailsillustrated's avatar

I dont know who she is but she’s pretty right on. Except no, if his body is ugly I’m not going to like it. The facebook thing is an affectation that many people are spouting nowadays. but most
it seems pretty right, especially t shirt thing god cover up

flutherother's avatar

I’ll have a large Scotch.

wundayatta's avatar

@zensky Now I know why I don’t read the magazine. The most beautiful woman of the year? That’s just pathetic! She is faker than a thirty-three dollar bill!

Response moderated
Londongirl's avatar

Now I know who is Hendricks….

woodcutter's avatar

I thought J. LO was the most beautiful woman, when did that change?

Blackberry's avatar

Ok, I just read the whole thing. All she did was project her personal preferences as the norm. Really? Most women want a guy to order scotch?

tedibear's avatar

Off topic for a moment: I hate that size 14 is considered plus size. Bah! /rant

Londongirl's avatar

J.Lo has a pretty face when she was younger but I think she’s a bit OTT in her acting…

Bellatrix's avatar

I don’t care what my man drinks as long as it isn’t something girly like those alcopop things. Is James Bond less manly because he likes a martini? I think not.

Panties… I know many women who like @Auggie, hate that word. I don’t give a rats what he calls my underwear really. Well as long as it isn’t “take off your Bombay bloomers” (nooo!!).

Long shorts and tank tops. Totally agree. Not a good look.

Remembering what we like. That is lovely. I love when my husband remembers something I said and demonstrates that he listened and remembered.

Beautiful is fine if it is said sincerely.

digitalimpression's avatar

“We love your body”.
Disagree. But it depends on the woman. Some are much more shallow than others.

“Power of smell”
Sounds accurate.

“We remember forever..comments about other women”
I agree with the part about remembering it forever.. but the noble part at the end is total rubbish. xD

“We also remember what you say about our bodies”
True.

“Never complain about our friends”
Obviously its a wise thing to not make fun of a woman’s friends. However, personally I can’t help it sometimes when the friend in question is a total loser waste of human flesh schputz.

“Remember what we like”
Yes. Do that. It’s not as easy as it sounds though.

“Scotch”
Depends on the woman. If the woman doesn’t drink she might just think the dude is a drunk. Assuming she does drink? Meh. I’m gonna order what I want to drink.. not something that impresses someone else.

“Chivalry”
It’s not dead. But it has taken a mortal wounding the last couple of decades. With the right woman, chivalry is definitely a must.

“Shorts”
I wouldn’t know about that. Tis a question for women.

“Tank Tops”
What about a beach town?

“No man should be on facebook”
This statement is clearly and unequivocably false, and… a bit sexist.

“Lingerie Switch”
Mmm k. After being married so long this is sort of non-applicable. If we can work in a quickie without getting interupted by the kids it’s gonna happen, lingerie or no.

“Ogling”
Primative.

“Better words than beautiful”
Actually a good tip.

“Marriage changes very little”
True, but only sometimes. Sometimes, as described earlier, it’s just business. If you have time for the rest it’s glorious.

woodcutter's avatar

J.Lo is a singer. She does that great. Still prettier/classier than Hendricks. My opinion.

zensky's avatar

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, and Esquire happens to be the one beholding.

Blackberry's avatar

She really is pretty (I just started watching Mad Men), but that doesn’t excuse her for saying dumb shit.

martianspringtime's avatar

I don’t agree with most of these as exaggeratedly as she’s stated them. Some of them ring vaguely true for me, but not to the extent that she claims. However it’s a celebrity giving ‘advice’ in a magazine – it’s going to be slightly haughty and over-stated. Plus, chances are if anyone starts a sentence with “We,” they already know that at least half of the people supposedly included in that “we” are going to disagree.
Anyway, I think it’s amusing cute if nothing else. Not to be taken too seriously, but a cute list nonetheless. Guess it doesn’t hurt that I think she’s virtually flawless.

submariner's avatar

I wonder if her time on Mad Men has affected her judgment of the importance of drink choice?

Funny thing about Ms. H. On the show, her character seems so powerful: she projects poise, confidence, competence, and worldliness (I’ve only seen the first two or three seasons, BTW). But when I’ve seen her on talk shows, she seems like just another Hollywood actress. Not that she’s dumb, but she doesn’t seem particularly original, funny, or insightful. Either she’s a pretty good actress, or whatshisname is a very good director.

Ms. H. figured prominently in my very first Fluther answer.

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