Social Question

BeccaBoo's avatar

LADIES! Do you find it insulting if you're out with your man and he is constantly checking out other women?

Asked by BeccaBoo (2710 points ) October 1st, 2011

I am not talking about men who just glance and then carry on talking to you or continue their attention towards you.
I am talking about being out with your man anywhere, supermarket, the street, a cafe etc.

IE: You’re sitting somewhere and a group of females walk in, he glances up to look at who it is, and continue to check each and everyone out. He gives a sneaky smile while you’re not looking, knowing this is going to annoy you, but does it anyway.

How does this make him look to those women?
If after you have already asked him not to do this in front of you, but your plea’s seem to fall on deaf ears.

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51 Answers

Blackberry's avatar

That’s a bold move. That’s douchebag criteria.

Seek's avatar

Meh.

He’s married. He’s not dead.

boxer3's avatar

If I was the girlfriend I would think that it’s disrespectful: if it was done in that manner.
There are ways to tactfully acknowledge another person being attractive though, without being an asshole about it. I mean . He’s human, he has eyes- but that doesnt mean he has to drool over every attractive female and give them all “the eye” as I call it- (or the smirk)
I mean even if he openly acknowledged that the females were attractive and said so- and then left it at that, if I also thought they were pretty I’d probably just say I agreed and then shift the conversation elsewhere..

If I was one of the girls being checked out in the scenario above,I’d think “wow man, youre with your girlfriend and youre still giving me the eye? Scum bag. ”

Jellie's avatar

Umm yes. That means he doesn’t find me interesting enough.

Londongirl's avatar

I find it very disrespectful when my guy does that…

filmfann's avatar

If he does that while his wife is standing there, imagine what he does when she isn’t.
This guy is scum.

An expression I hate: Don’t hate the playa, hate the game.

boxer3's avatar

@filmfann , I really hate that expression too. fuck that nonsense, hate them both. haha.

Seek's avatar

Am I the only person that openly checks out other people, and also rates the women my hubby checks out?

Jellie's avatar

@Seek_Kolinahr I’ll often point out chicks I find hot to my boyfriend, but checking out a whole bunch of girls and then smiling at them, that’s crossing the line.

boxer3's avatar

@Seek_Kolinahr , no but I’m guessing your husband doesnt try and be all sneaky sneaky making eyes with them and what not. If a dude I’m seeing checks someone out in a way thats not grimy I do the same thing as you…. Respect is a minimum first and foremost- but yes people are people and they have eyes… It’s all about the nature of the action for me, harmless or scum bag-ish(which I suppose could be really subjective)

Blackberry's avatar

@Seek_Kolinahr I’ve done the same, but it seemed like this guy was trying an act of subterfuge.

jca's avatar

I would find it disrespectful. Yes, he has eyes and yes, he’s a man but smiling, ogling and gawking at them is rude. I would not do that to men in front of another man (even not in front of another man) and I would not expect him to behave that way in front of me. I used to go out with a guy who did that (when I was younger) and it was so tiring.

Kardamom's avatar

It’s insulting and disrespectful. It also shows a lack of self control, and a lack of empathy for his girlfriend/wife. Hmmm. I think these actions are the definitions of immaturity.

Ela's avatar

I would get up and walk out.

There is a big difference between looking at a female and openly checking her out.
If he’s googling, I’m gone.
Guys like that are a dime a dozen.
Life is too short.
I deserve better.

chyna's avatar

I had a first and last date with a guy that did that. He checked out every female that walked into the restaurant, looking them up and down. Old, young, fat, skinny, it didn’t matter to him. I obviously didn’t perk his interest enough. Funny though, he called me dozens of times to go out again and didn’t want to take no for an answer.

Kardamom's avatar

@chyna Did you ever tell him why you didn’t want to go out with him again? I’m guessing he was too immersed in himself to figure it out on his own.

chyna's avatar

No I didn’t. I was afraid he would take it as jealousy and it was far from that. I just told him I wasn’t interested and I think he had never been turned down before. Apparently he was very rich as he kept telling me when he was in between looking at women. I didn’t know when I agreed to meet him for lunch. Being rich doesn’t give you a license to be a fucktard.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

That’s not ever happened to me, I’d definitely be insulted and not want to go out with that person anymore. That would be a mood killer!

Hibernate's avatar

I don’t know about ladies but if I decide to start a relationship with someone I dedicate myself to her and stop looking around in all directions. Okay sometimes you may look at a person but if one constantly does it it means he has self esteem issues or he’s just a casanova.

YARNLADY's avatar

I see nothing wrong with admiring good looking people, looking doesn’t hurt anyone. My second husband used to do that all the time, and it made me feel good, that he chose me over all the rest.

Leanne1986's avatar

If it was constant then I would probably start to feel irritated by it. I don’t have a problem with my boyfriend checking out other women as long as he isn’t rude about it (which he isn’t). Once they are out of ear shot, my boyfriend will often point an attractive woman out to me anyway as I am more likely to check out an attractive female than a male so we tend to be on the same wavelength.

gravity's avatar

I never did mind my guy checking out a chik that may walk in and look good. I would usually call it first if some really hot girl walked in and say,“Damn she’s hot” I don’t mind you looking. But, what you described is just bad behavior… disrepectful to you. I would be afraid of what he would do without me around, you know? Sounds like a creep move to me.

jca's avatar

@YARNLADY: Here’s another viewpoint based upon what you wrote. You wrote that you see nothing wrong with it, looking doesn’t hurt anyone, your second husband did that all the time and it made you feel good. It made you happy he chose you over all the rest.

Another way of looking at that situation is that he didn’t necessarily choose you, he settled for you but in reality he wants the others more than he wants you, which is why he continues (or continued) to stare. He’s sitting next to you because divorce is difficult for various reasons.

Ela's avatar

Exactly @gravity. To me what is being described is not simply looking at another female. “he is constantly checking out other women?”
“He gives a sneaky smile while you’re not looking, knowing this is going to annoy you, but does it anyway.” He annoys you intentionally?
Looking is natural and even double takes I am fine with but to blatantly disrespect me?
That doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship to me.

Aethelflaed's avatar

If I had told him it bothered me, and asked him to stop, then yes, his continuing to do it would bother me.

But I, personally, wouldn’t tell him that, because it doesn’t bother me, and half the time I join them in checking her out. And I’d like to be able to check other men out, so that stuff goes both ways. Checking out other people doesn’t mean he’s going to dump me. I don’t think monogamous relationships work out when each partner has to be the one and only anything, ever, for the other person.

rooeytoo's avatar

It’s rude, end of story, no mitigating circumstances. If that is how he wants to act, then go hang with mates in a pub.

Bellatrix's avatar

I am quite sure my husband looks at other women. He still has a pulse. It is to be expected. No problem with subtly noticing an attractive women. However, he has never behaved as described by the OP in my presence and I doubt he would if I wasn’t there. He has too much class.

Ela's avatar

^ ^ ^ Squirrel !!

Bellatrix's avatar

With a gun!! Squirrels with guns!!

Ela's avatar

Eeeeek!!! @Bellatrix (runs amuck all scatty wonkeled)

Bellatrix's avatar

:-D, you are safe. My squirrel is a pacifist, he just likes to look tough.

Ela's avatar

Hence the doo-rag, eye patch, cigarette AND ammo belt? LOL Oh… and the gun of course ; )

Bellatrix's avatar

He is all about realism… he is a pussy cat squirrel though really. And now back to discussion of “is your man a perve?”. :D

Ela's avatar

I can see that in the glint of his eye… lol

GabrielsLamb's avatar

What’s far worse in my book… is after doing what is deemed by a majority of human beings as selfish and rude, if he intentionally makes her feel guilty for reacting badly to it. As well as the kinds of women who not only antagnoize it but enjoy knowing how their very brief and probably meaningless interaction is going to cause a night or more, of hurt feelings and arguments between two people who were a moment before it happened otherwise happy and well adjusted.

chewhorse's avatar

@Seek_Kolinahr… No, your just one of the exceptions.

Seek's avatar

I’m just saying that my husband would never have to act like he was on a CIA mission in order to get a look at the chick whose tits are hanging out of her shirt. He’d just say, “Wow, Alyson. That chick’s tits are hanging out of her shirt!” And I’d say, “Wow. Well, at least they’re real.” and that would be the end of it. No sneaky eye-humping necessary.

jca's avatar

The situation the OP describes is not secretive in any way. It involves checking them out, smiling at them, and continuing that behavior after his gf told him she did not like it.

Response moderated (Spam)
Leanne1986's avatar

@Seek_Kolinahr That is pretty much the same as my partner and I. If he thinks someone is worth checking out he usually points her out to me as well. I think this is why I don’t have a problem with him checking out other girls, becasue he is not secretive or creepy about it.

Seek's avatar

^ Bingo.

Nullo's avatar

Adultery in the mind is adultery all the same.

Seek's avatar

^ Bullshit.

Crossroadsgrl's avatar

YES.
Get rid of him
End of story

Nullo's avatar

@Seek_Kolinahr Ah, but can you prove it?

Seek's avatar

Considering that all the fantasizing in the world won’t give you herpes, yes.

Pandora's avatar

Only if its my husband. But I really don’t care if he notices someone but I can honestly say it only happened a few times early in our marriage and I think it was simply to see if I would get jealous. As soon as I started commenting on how pretty some girl was, than he lost interest.
I forgot the name of the movie, but sometimes I think guys like to pretend in there heads that they could’ve had a shot if they weren’t with their spouse. The only reason the girl isn’t checking him out is because his companion repels her.
But honestly, we all check out the opposite sex when they are very attractive. Its human nature to do so. I don’t mind that, but leering would be another thing all together.

Nullo's avatar

@Seek_Kolinahr But have you considered its impact on the mental stickum?

LeavesNoTrace's avatar

Not really. I’m secure enough in myself not to be intimidated by a pretty girl. My boyfriend loves me for me and that’s what matters. In fact, sometimes I’M the one pointing out beautiful women to him. Is it weird? Maybe. But I think beauty should be celebrated, not scorned.

chinchin31's avatar

NO… – It is called being a man. Men are visual creatures!!! Get over it. Even after you get married it is not going to stop. So you don’t check out guys too. You never stop being attracted to other people. You will both always meet people you find attractive. The earlier you learn to deal with this the better. There is a huge difference between admiring someone’s beauty and actually getting involved with them. As long as he draws the line I think it is perfectly fine. It is unnatural for you to think that a guy is ONLY going to be attracted to you forever. It is not human.

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